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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has anyone had a positive birth experience?

163 replies

PileofToss · 20/08/2020 07:53

DH and I are currently TTC.

I’ve had a phobia of pregnancy and birth since before I can remember, not helped by the fact my only close friends who have had babies have all had really horrific experiences.

Of course I know that the end result is a baby and I shouldn’t be getting myself worked up before I’m even pregnant, but I just can’t help the constant fear.

Does anyone have any positive birth experiences they’re happy to share, or any advice?

If I do manage to get pregnant then I will speak to a professional about my issues, but just for now I’d like to hear some real examples of births which aren’t quite so gory Sad

OP posts:
Fizzysours · 20/08/2020 09:10

Labour is very painful but just about everyone gets through unscathed. What worked for me was not getting too obsessed with 'what labour I wanted'.... I wanted an epidural, there were not enough staff, I survived. I felt like some mums felt 'failures' as they had expectations fed to them of lovely mystical spiritual births....that is not how it is for most. But it's one day out of your life. I went straight on to have another baby because it was completely worth it. It is very painful, but a productive pain. The female body is amazing...we make people!! Trust the health professionals...they are also amazing. Those who had a bad experience need to talk about it, I understand that and will happily listen, but remember, lots of births are also more straightforward.

AllAussieAdventures · 20/08/2020 09:11

Yep 2 easy hypnobirths. Longish first stages but no need for pain relief and 10 minutes or so pushing both times.

You don't hear about the good ones because if you don't have a horror story you are accused of either lying or making mums who have a rough time feel bad. So you stop talking about it.

Which means the only stories around are horror stories.

StottieAndSoup · 20/08/2020 09:12

I was absolutely terrified of birth to the point where I joined tokophobia support groups and basically cried for weeks 25-27 of pregnancy. I couldn't watch people give birth on tv and I couldnt talk about it. I told my husband what I wanted in case I died. I wanted a caesarean (I know this isn't the easier option but I felt I'd have more control). I listened to hypnobirthing audiobooks but they just made me absolutely furious.

In the end I had a spontaneous natural labour. It hurt a lot I won't lie (I had gas & air and pethidine - really like pethidine) but I would do it again. I found it hard but I had lovely midwives and my husband was there to support me. I ended up 'in the zone' and felt much more control than I thought I would even though some decisions were made for me because of underlying health conditions. I went in adamant that I didn't want interventions as was terrified of an episiotomy and tearing but in the end I had an episiotomy, tore (didn't feel it) and had vonteuse. It was fine and the medical team were brilliant.

My recovery has been good and I'm so in love with my baby. I was so scared of labour and it's a pain unlike anything else I've ever felt BUT I look back with fond memories and I'm so proud of myself for doing it.

All through pregnancy I told my husband to punch me if I ever suggested having another because I was so ill and scared but I already want another and my baby is only 3 weeks old!

Boshmama · 20/08/2020 09:16

Yes! Absolutely - can't wait to do it again if we're lucky enough to have another. I did hypnobirthing and had a coach in early motherhood who were both amazing support

babydungarees · 20/08/2020 09:17

I had a lovely pregnancy & birth, Labour was 9 hours from first twinge to baby being born, I had a water birth in a midwifery led birth centre. I had him at 9am and was home for tea time! We’re already planning our next one (DS 10 months) so it can’t have been too bad!

I am a midwife & was lucky enough to be looked after by two of my best friends, if you are anxious it’s definitely worth asking to be looked after by a caseload team when you do get pregnant. That way you will already know the midwife looking after you in labour which can make such a huge difference to the experience. Good luck TTC, don’t listen to the negative stories xxx

antwacky · 20/08/2020 09:17

I was absolutely terrified of giving birth, never been so scared in my life.
Firstborn started with a bit of a back ache at 6am, first pain about 6.30 am by 7.30 pains were two minutes apart so we went to hospital, baby born two hours later, no pain relief.
2nd baby waters broke 2pm, first pain around 4pm baby born 6.10pm, again no pain relief.
Baby no 3 wasn't as easy as her siblings but nothing compared to what some women experience. There was pain with all three and stitches but all worth it. I would sooner have a baby than a tooth extracted. Easy to say I know but try not to worry too much. Good luck!

SideEyeing · 20/08/2020 09:18

I hope I'm not missing the point of the thread but just wanted to let you know that while I had a pretty tricky delivery with a lot of intervention needed (forceps, episiotomy etc) the care I received was amazing and I was made to feel so well looked after and safe in the hands of the doctors and midwives when everything got scary and went a bit wrong. Weirdly even though dd's birth should be considered traumatic I do feel positive about it in hindsight. And I was absolutely terrified of birth too Smile

Sunflowerlover20 · 20/08/2020 09:25

Honestly no two experiences are the same. I did have a horrible experience that I won’t share but I would do it again in a heartbeat if I could. All I will say is I had one lovely midwife on duty who stayed with me and even missed her break time so not to leave me. She was a true angel I will never forget.
I know MANY other people who have had wonderful experiences including a friend who had twins with no pain relief what so ever! Grin hats off to her! Also have another friend who has just had her 7th! She has quick births no pain relief what so ever! Not gonna lie very jealous of her! Grin
If you need to talk to people beforehand make sure you do so that you feel calmer. Good luck for the future. Smile

ElaineMarieBenes · 20/08/2020 09:30

Yes two (both home births but please note first was unplanned! Both very quick and no drugs! I’m tiny and slightly larger of the two was 7lb) - however next 18 years were very painful!

Itsalwayssunnyupnorth · 20/08/2020 09:31

I had a challenging birth with DC1 and had an elective c section with DC2 and it was the most amazing experience! I felt like I had control and could plan as I knew exactly when it was going to happen. Went to theatre baby was out quickly sat up in recovery an hour later with a tea, toast and feeding baby! At my hospital they were brill at discussing through any concerns/issues early on as long as they know about them so make your feelings known as early as possible!

PopsicleHustler · 20/08/2020 09:31

Awesome post

Wow positive birth experiences! I've done it 4 times and expecting my 5th january god willing.

My first was long, 48 hours, had to be induced as my eldest boy was a week late. Pessaries are rubbish and took I think 3 or 4. This is 12 plus years ago. Spent a lot of labour in bath which helped and then had to be brought out of the bath to deliver. Long labour and was pushing for about 40 minutes. Long recovery also. It put me off having anymore.

Second child born 2013. Waters broke at home after having sex. Husband literally just left for work, night shift and then my friend came to take me to hospital. Called hubby to meet us at hospital. Had to stay in .very spaced out 1cm contractions for the best part of a day. Given the pessaries. Didnt work. Given the drip, which is by the way the worst experience of my life. They turn it up bit by bit increasing the contractions back to back hideous pain begging for epidural. Didnt get it . Finally gilave birth. Total of 48 hours labour. Awful. Put me off having any more. Recovery was hard too because the after pains of breastfeeding was just terrible. I even wanted gas and air.

Third baby born 2016. My youngest boy. An absolute walk in the park. This was my perfect labour. Waters went in the bed sort of 2am. Hubby on nights , came home roughly 4am, no rush as my body does long annoying labours. Got to hospital and I want dilated enough. They sent me home. Kids went to aunties. So I was home all day with hubby , sort of doing things to keep me busy, even gave the house a full clean, up and down the stairs and so on, played word games, had a bath, by roughly 10pm I had been getting them stronger. Went back to hospital only 3cm dilated. They gave me an injection of pethidine which really really helped. Taken to ante natal ward. Dozed off for a bit . By 6am the pethidine had warn off. Midwife came and brought me gas and air, which really helped. I sort if listened to tv while taking gas and air which took my mid off the contractions. I was then wheeled over to the labour suite and had a water birth which was what I had planned.
Absolutely amazing. I was so relaxed and ready to push. Pushed for about 5 minutes and out he came. Was so weak after though and threw up couple times due to gas and air on an empty stomach. But best labour and delivery . Wish my 4th and bope my 5th can be like this. But again wish it read a shorter labour. It was 36 hours in total.

Fourth child born 2018.
Woke up 2am.Called my husband and said I've started having contractions. Not to worry because it will be a long labour and finish your shift. He cut his shift short and got home around 6am. By then I was still having mild contractions. He drove the kids to their aunt. Then took me straight to hospital and surprise surprise I was only 1cm and had been for roughly 5 days when I had the sweep 5 days before. The midwife sent us home and we sort of chilled ar the house, had food, relaxed watched four in a bed and various other movies and so on. By 7pm contractions had slowed down and hubby said let's just go get the kids. I agreed. Seemed like nothing was really happening. Went to pick up the kids and had harder contractions all the way there so we decided to go back to the hospital instead. Got to the hospital and was 3cm dilated. Got given a horrible check by the lady. When examining my cervix she dug her nails in, she really didn't like me for some reason. And when I put my hand up for help, she said no and out her hands behind her back. She gave me pethidine to help and I dont think she administered it properly because it wore off after a couple hours and not like the first time I had it with my last labour. By about 2am i had had enough and was howling for help. I still wasnt dilating enough a d they gave me gas and air and moved me to the water birth room. Got in the pool which helped me a lot. New midwife examined me. Lovely girl. She said you're not dilating much so I'm going to pop your waters. I said ok and was nervous as I though it would hurt but it doesnt. I asked if I cam get back into the birth pool. She said absolutely. Then another older midwife took over as midwife 1 finished her shift. I asked to get back into the pool. She said no I have a bad back and cant bend down. And while I respect that I thought to myself I wanted that birth pool. Shouldn't I get what I want but I didnt know if it would be rude to ask for a new midwife. Anyway, still for hours contracting and nothing happening. Got to 10cm and the midwife said the baby cant get out. Its stuck at an odd angle. I was crying in pain. I was literally begging for help. I then also needed the toilet . Turned out the walk to the toilet and back to the bed helped baby into position and literally 3 pushes and she was out. My husband couldn't believe how quick I pushed. I think it was because i had literally had enough. I also vomited again because too much gas and air . A total of 32 hour labours. The recovery was horrific as breastfeeding makes your uterus contract quicker back to it's normal size so it's like bloody contractions all over again. I was doubled over in pain at some points. But they only last a few days.
This and my 2nd were definitely my worst. My 3rd was brilliant and really hoping my 5th will be like this too.

It is scary and daunting thinking about birth. But even though all mine were long and 3 out of 4 were hard, it's all worth it.

Does any other women have ridiculously long labours like me???
Or anyone have really fast ones???
Really hoping my 5th will be shorter.

ILoveAnOwl · 20/08/2020 09:33

I did hypnobirthing and had two beautiful, pain free home births. First one was 7.5 hours, second was 2 hours and 4 minutes. Two healthy babies and I was up and about within the hour of having them. Pregnancy was not for me, but giving birth was fine. I recognise how privileged I am to be able to say that x

ancientgran · 20/08/2020 09:34

My first was a painless relaxed experience. In fact the midwife, who was pregnant, was in agony with back pain and I felt really sorry for her. I hope you get some help and can enjoy your pregnancy, fingers crossed it happens soon.

mylittleyumyum · 20/08/2020 09:34

My 1st experience was over-managed.

2nd time I decided to have a home birth. It was incredible. I had a firm understanding of what every muscle was doing, relaxed totally and let my body do it's thing.

Don't tense up - sounds so simple, but it's soooo important.

I'd been a little apprehensive about transition, I hadn't experienced it with my first, and it was definitely playing on my mind with number 2, but when the midwives arrived and examined me I was already at 9 cm.

I guess the pottering around (shaving my legs, charging camera, preparing my birthing area) had distracted me through the toughest part.

Active labour was noted as 2 hours, although I'd been contracting painlessly, but strongly for a few hours before I called the midwives.

The midwives let me guide her out myself, then my husband woke our other daughter to bring her down to meet her sister. The midwives had to stop me making their tea - I was on an absolute high and couldn't sit still. After they left, the four of us went back up to my king sized bed for a few hours kip - not that i could sleep :)

Pimmsypimms · 20/08/2020 09:35

Yes, my planned c section for my ds. I was unbelievably nervous and everyone was so lovely and calmed my down and made me laugh. It was amazing!

Queenfreak · 20/08/2020 09:38

I didnt birth my daughter in the way I had hoped.
Induction failed, so I needed steroid injections and a section.
Throughout the whole process the staff were kind, informative, patient and empowering. It was 100% positive, despite not going the way I imagined.
Pregnancy and birth are scary thoughts, but you deal with each day as it comes. There are perinatal midwives who specialise in maternal mental health in most areas, should you need that service xx

seven201 · 20/08/2020 09:41

My baby was breach so I had a planned c-section. I loved it. I know you're probably asking about vaginal births, but sometimes you need a planned c-section, so I thought it was relevant.

Heidi1976 · 20/08/2020 09:44

To be honest, even if it all goes to shit (like mine did!) You just get on with it. It's crazy what your body can cope with. And if all else fails, take the drugs :) Diamorphine was my saviour.

1stTimeMama · 20/08/2020 09:44

I've had 5 brilliant, easy and straight forward labours and births. 3 home births, 1 independent birth centre, 1 hospital induction. Gas and air is the nectar of the Gods! My longest established labour was 45 minutes, my shortest was 2 minutes. You only really hear about the awful births because that's where the drama and stories are. It's not as interesting to hear 'my waters broke, baby was here in 2 pushes, the end'.
Pregnant women used to freak me out, but I love being pregnant, and with my 5th baby being 4 weeks old I already miss it!

BombyliusMajor · 20/08/2020 09:46

I had a planned c section under general anaesthetic (long story) and it was brilliant.

Starlight39 · 20/08/2020 09:49

Very positive with my first and only (so far - currently pregnant) DS. I went into labour on my due date, just a few twinges in the day and then contractions from around 6pm. They were really manageable and I just relaxed on the sofa for the evening then tried to sleep in bed until around 1am when I felt a contraction move round into my back/bum area so we went into hospital, the midwife on the phone thought I wasn't ready as I wasn't making enough noise or didn't seem in enough pain.

I was examined and found to be 9 cm dilated so went straight in the birthing pool, had some gas and air and gave birth a couple of hours later. It's all a bit of a blur but wasn't awful! I just pushed when my body made me - it was very involuntary. I had a very small internal tear that didn't need stitches and felt fine afterwards.

I read a hypnobirthing book and did some of the meditations throughout pregnancy. I thought that, even if I ended up not using any of it and things didn't go as well as I hoped, it was good to feel like I was doing something positive towards the birth and put my energy into that rather than stressing and doing nothing.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 20/08/2020 09:53

Me. My contractions were so mild I thought they were wind. It was only the fact that I was 3 days overdue that exh decided that maybe a trip to hospital was in order. By the time we got there I was not far from fully dilated and taken straight to the birthing room. It was a cottage hospital and there was only 1 other person in the maternity ward, so no long waits for midwives or rooms. Just as well really because an hour later I was on the ward with newly born DD. No gas and air or any other pain relief was needed or given.
I did get told that should I ever have another child, to maybe camp out on the hospital grounds to ensure I get there with a bit more time to spare...I think they were joking. Grin

SexyGiraffe · 20/08/2020 09:56

Yes, me. DD was 10 days overdue, but when she was ready she popped out in just a few hours. I was only in the delivery room for 90 minutes before she was born. There was no time for anything more than gas and air which I didn't like, so it was basically a natural birth. It hurt, but I also got to feel her crowning which was amazing. Also, I'll never forget, as I was cuddling her afterwards while I was being examined, the midwife stood upright and said triumphantly, "And the perineum is intact!" Good luck with your efforts, OP!

Gatehouse77 · 20/08/2020 09:57

All of mine were home births. First one I had gas and air but there was little to no time with the other 2. Same midwife delivered 2 and 3 and I had 3 midwives for no.1 as they had a student with them.

They were all calm and very straightforward. I ad 3 small stitches with no.1 but nothing with 2/3.

My favourite part was being able to have a long shower, get into clean clothes and have tea and toast in bed!

CeibaTree · 20/08/2020 10:02

With my eldest, I had a failed induction followed by an emergency c-section, but it was still a positive experience. At no point during the labour or operation did I feel scared or overwhelmed. I did have an amazing NHS birth team (Kingston Hospital) and I felt supported and calm through the whole process. I think it is important not to get fixated on the perfect 'birth plan' or at least be realistic that it might not go the way you planned. My birth plan had included a birthing pool, no drugs and hynobirthing!

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