Has anyone had a positive birth experience?

[PileofToss]

DH and I are currently TTC.

I’ve had a phobia of pregnancy and birth since before I can remember, not helped by the fact my only close friends who have had babies have all had really horrific experiences.

Of course I know that the end result is a baby and I shouldn’t be getting myself worked up before I’m even pregnant, but I just can’t help the constant fear.

Does anyone have any positive birth experiences they’re happy to share, or any advice?

If I do manage to get pregnant then I will speak to a professional about my issues, but just for now I’d like to hear some real examples of births which aren’t quite so gory

I had two emergency c-sections and they were actually fine - despite them being a total deviation from my birth plans and what I wanted, and a real fear of c-sections beforehand. I also have a very good friend who had two amazingly positive labours and births. First time around she thought she was only in the very early stages and had hours to go, so was doing a bit of knitting, and then they told her it was time to push, then with a few pushes her DD was born.

Yes mine were fine. I took all the pain relief going but no emerging occurred and I didn't need stitches.

I have white coat phobia so it's unsurprising that my first birth, in hospital, ended up being traumatic for me.

But I've since had 3 homebirths (and midwife led prenatal care) and they've all been amazingly positive experiences!

It really depends on your situation, and what exactly stresses you out about birth- some women would be as stressed by home birth as I am by hospitals! But if you haven't considered home birth, you might want to look into it and see if it would solve some of your worries.

Good luck with the TTC!

I had a lovely 2nd birth at home after a traumatic first birth. Got up in the night to go to the loo and decided to run a bath as I felt uncomfortable. Contractions started. I woke DH and he filled the birth pool whilst I rang the hospital. 3 hours later with some gas and air my baby arrived. After the placenta came out the midwife ran me a deep bubble bath in my own bath and I cleaned myself up then went up to bed and snuggles with my newborn and 2 year old.

Yes, did lots of yoga during pregnancies. Water birth, with gas and air.

Tons of positive birth stories on YouTube op. This is just one example.

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My own birth was positive. I used the positive birth company's digital pack which i'd really recommend (20% of the approach just wasn't for me but that's the beauty of it - u can pick and choose and overall I found it useful).

Had a 16 hour textbook labour and gave birth in the birthing pool at hospital. Had a little bit of g and a towards the end. Spent the first 4 hours wondering if I was even in labour at all! A real gradual build-up! Good luck

I can’t thank you all enough for sharing your stories. I’ve read every single one and feel SO much better!

It’s making me much more excited at the prospect of getting pregnant 🥰

I have 5!

1- 12 hours from established labour. I pushed for two hours and he was delivered by ventouse. I had an epidural and it was too strong and I couldn't feel when to push. I was only 17 and I was scared so I think that also impacted how I was pushing. I was grazed down below but up and about the next day. It wasn't my most positive birth, but considering my age and it being my first it really wasn't that bad either.

2- Woke up with contractions- two hours later baby born in hospital safely. I was up and around after an hour. Home after 4 hours.

3- Was booked in for an induction but arrived in labour- just under 2 hours until he was born. Up and around again straight away, home after 4 hours. This was the exact same for number 4 and 5 too.

Gas and air for births 2-5. I would have had something stronger but they were too quick. No stitches with any.

My birth resulted in an emergency c-section but was still very stress free and enjoyable! I feel like if you’ve got the right support with you - they and the midwives take all the stress away!

3 days of irregular contractions, no sleep and and nothing progressing meant I was took down for the section and I honestly enjoyed it, laughing and joking with the anaesthetist in theatre. Midwives were overall fantastic and so supportive.

Pregnancy wasn’t great but you do know it will end after 9(ish) months so there is always a light at the end of the tunnel x

Hi I had 2 births. They were really good, my first lasted for 22 hours from first contraction to delivery, I only needed gas and air and didn’t have any intervention and didn’t need stitches. My second lasted 17 hours from first contraction to delivery and once again just used gas and air and no stitches. I honestly believe it was because I didn’t have a really planned out birth plan. I just went with the flow and I felt that there was no pressure on me to have the ‘perfect’ birth. What is it you’re worried about? Is it the pain?

I had two extremely positive births. My advice is don’t be afraid of any pain as I was helped to keep calm and relaxed and sure this helped . Both babies were late and quite large! (I am not) . I needed stitches for one but it really was all fine and so special a moment both times.

I had a lovely labour with DS2, a water birth with just a bit of gas and air at the end.

Was so calm, relaxing and my body took over.

It was amazing!

My first was ok but long and the diamorphine made me very sick.

Agree with PP that it was no where NEAR as bad as people had told me it would be. Was induced and managed the whole thing with gas and air and hypnobirthing breathing. Took 4 hours from induction to birth and it's honestly the of the best moment of my life. You can 100% do this OP.

I had one great home birth and one mind blowingly amazing hospital birth.

The key to both was that the midwives (and doctor when I needed one in hospital) were ALL extremely sensitive. I have been raped a few times and sexually assaulted by a medic. I was a prime candidate for birth trauma/re-traumatisation. If I'd had a single person treat me anything other than with great kindness, it would have been a very different experience.

OP if you're nervous, afraid GET IT WRITTEN DOWN. Tell everybody. And I'm afraid it's the same if you have a history of sexual abuse. This doesn't guarantee everybody will be extra kind, but it certainly can help. These people are professionals, but not mind readers or psychologists. If there's anything that you can't say to them, write it down and give it to your midwife/dr beforehand so it can be included in your file.

And IF you have a bad experience, it's a failure of those around you, not you. If you have a bad experience, get help dealing with it ASAP.

But in short, yes, it can be brilliant.

I had a planned c-section due to (medically diagnosed) PTSD triggered by childhood trauma. I've had therapy for years to deal with it. Having a baby and the interventions that would have been required would be something I would be unable to cope with, so my mental health team were consulted before DH and I planned our family, and - not to give too many details - I ended up in the prenatal & antenatal care of a consultant who specialises in psychological trauma attached to the sister hospital where I actually gave birth (so I was technically under the care of the doctors but the mental health consultant advised on actual care as part of the plan/aftercare). My local midwife team also planned an extended period of support at home if I struggled (I did, I really didn't cope very well at all and ended up in a sort of manic state/hallucinating, I think they refer to it as post partum psychosis if it gets must worse and you need to be sectioned). But the actual birth was amazing and the care I received was truly exceptional, because I knew up-front that it would be a difficult thing.

I was also extremely afraid and did virtually no preparation with the first. I just wanted to come out without PTSD. No hypnobirthing etc.

@KookaburraK it’s not so much the pain during birth (although that does scare me a lot), but more afterwards. I suppose a lot to do with the changing of my body and not feeling it’s my own any more.

It’s so hard to explain, I get very anxious when I think about the things that could go wrong

Two vaginal births, the first with just gas and air and the second with nothing (too quick!) Both big babies - 8lb 1oz and 8lb 14oz. I look back at the experience really fondly. Breaking my leg was far, far worse.

also to add, I second being vocal about your difficulties - in my case my mental health consultant wrote up a short 1-page summary letter that I was able to use to help conversations if someone who cared for me wasn't aware of the medical history involved... e.g. one week in our antenatal class, it was a covering (non-local) midwife, and as part of the initial chit chat she asked why i was having a csection in front of the other ladies, so i handed her the letter (which briefly explained) so i didn't have to explain, she read it quickly then was really supportive in the sessions/took some 1-2-1 time with me afterwards. by having that letter and the mental health support it helped me stop having to explain some things which i find upsetting to talk about - handing over a letter is so much easier.

so if you can get help, that's 1 tip i'd suggest. so you don't need to keep repeating yourself to whoever's involved in your care if they've not looked through your case notes.

Thank you for advice re. being vocal. I have no issues being quite outspoken () so this is really good advice.

All three of mine were lovely. I absolutely loved my labours! All natural births, one induced all brilliant.

I’ve had two good births one not so good. The not so good one was because I was induced which spiralled into loads of interventions and an emergency section. It wasn’t awful but it was stressful and I didn’t enjoy it and my body was not relaxed enough to produce its own endorphins. The good births were good because my body was allowed to do its own thing and it got on with it while producing lots of pain killing oxytocin. It still hurt: like bad period pains then like doing the biggest poo you can imagine -but it was totally manageable with gas and air. Between contractions I was buzzing so much I felt like I was tripping! I kept telling my husband how much I loved him and even sang/ danced along to my playlist! I’m not hard as nails normally in fact I’m the type of person who howls for 10 minutes if I stub my toe so if I can have a good birth anyone can!

In retrospect I feel that the not so good birth escalated due to unnecessary intervention. It was a labour but it was happening to me without my active participation. I wish I had stood my ground and not been bullied into an induction I didn’t need but hindsight is 20 20 and like you I had a Lot of fear (bit of phobia) about birth it being my first and not knowing what to expect.
If you have a straight forward pregnancy when you conceive I’d suggest a home birth - all three of mine have been hospital ones but I can see how being at home would be great if you are anxious: dedicated midwife/ own surroundings/ intervention unlikely / you’ll be more relaxed etc. Also consider some counselling / a hypnobirthing course in the prenatal period so you can work on your fear and get to the root of it / address it full on before you go into labour.

I wanted to add you are much more likely to hear bad birth stories than good as they get much more attention. I think sometimes bad birth stories get a bit embellished in the telling for effect! A bit like when people sit around comparing scars or war wounds.

You will probably hear mixed advice on home birth for your first, but, I will say that a friend of mine who was so anxious about the thought of childbirth that she said she would never have children, took this option. She managed at home, totally fine, with very little help or pain relief and had a lovely home birth.

I actually wanted one for dc2, but the consultant said no. I'm sure they would not have forced me to go to hospital or anything, but it was a pretty hard no, they wouldn't advise it, based on the previous birth.

On the one hand, I think, maybe the panic at being in hospital made my first birth a bit more tricky, but on the other hand, had it been that tricky and I hadn't been in hospital, it could have been a much worse outcome for dc1.