Has anyone had a positive birth experience?

[PileofToss]

DH and I are currently TTC.

I’ve had a phobia of pregnancy and birth since before I can remember, not helped by the fact my only close friends who have had babies have all had really horrific experiences.

Of course I know that the end result is a baby and I shouldn’t be getting myself worked up before I’m even pregnant, but I just can’t help the constant fear.

Does anyone have any positive birth experiences they’re happy to share, or any advice?

If I do manage to get pregnant then I will speak to a professional about my issues, but just for now I’d like to hear some real examples of births which aren’t quite so gory

It's really worth talking to someone if you are worried. There are also positive birth groups and there is (or used to be) a website called Tell me a good birth story, which was lovely.

But yes, I've had two very lovely relaxed straightforward home births with both of mine. The first was a bit more tricky and overwhelming because the first time you do anything you don't really know what to expect. But the second couldn't have been more textbook. In both cases, I laboured mostly completely by myself as that's what I prefer. With my 2nd, midwife #1 arrived about 50 minutes before he was born and got set up and midwife #2 arrived just before he was born (I didn't even really register she was there until later). All completely fine.

About 5 mins after dd2 (homebirth) was born I looked at dh and said "I want to do that again?" I was on such a high and even now 20 years on I feel it was the most amazing experience of my life.

$ DCs - planned home births (though we transferred for DC1) with midwives of my choice & backup from consultant / private hospital of my choice.. Best money I ever spent. Very relaxed births and DCs arrived safely with no injuries to me. Midwives were unflappable and great fun. Backup hospital was superb (down to 6am sandwiches while newborn DC dozed on a beanbag)

All 3 of my births were brilliant.
#1 induced as my waters went and contractions didn't start - 7 hours from start to finish and I look back on that day and just laugh about it. I was so high from pethadine and for some reason I was pretending to ride a bike around the delivery room and doing a weird Hakka dance to get through contractions. When my DP was telling me to push I said "you fucking push! Dick!" And told the midwife that if she could see my babies hair, to pull on it to get her out for me because I just needed a brew and I couldn't be arsed any more! 😂
It was all in all just a really weird, funny experience and very straightforward.

#2 I honestly didn't really believe I was in labour until I needed to push because the pain was no more than wind. Even in transition. I didn't even need a paracetamol and he was out in 2 small pushes. It took about an hour and a half. I was absolutely gobsmacked when he came out, I couldn't believe it was such a piece of piss. I've had FAR worse pain after a dodgy curry.

#3 the worst part was just the length of time it took. I had (perfectly tolerable) contractions for over 24 hours so I was just tired, had an epidural once I hit 5cm purely because I hadn't slept, not in much pain, and out he popped an hour later after just chilling on the bed watching my series on my phone. I resumed watching my series with him snuggled on my chest seconds after I pushed him out.

I'd definitely recommend Ina May Gaskins books - and also the Positive Birth Company Digital Pack. It was recommended on here to me and it was sooooo helpful.

My birth was good - I mean a bit hair raising as first baby, 5 hours start to finish, no pain relief bar co codomal as I was booked for a home birth and no midwife appeared for four of those hours as she was at another birth and 'I didn't sound like I was that far along'....

One tip - when you call the midwife and they listen to you, TELL them you are hypnobirthing, as apparently if you're quite calm (though contracting like anything) you can sound like you're not that far along.

But the birth itself was absolutely grand - I mean yes the contractions hurt, but it's a useful pain, that's the sensation of the neck of your womb inching open to let the baby out - its not like stubbing your toe or tooth pain - plus you're completely and utterly high on the insane amounts of hormones flowing through you, so you're in a bit of an altered state anyway. tbh once I'd dilated it stopped hurting at all, it just felt like a big 'whoosh' of power.

It's a really interesting experience - and I mean that absolutely seriously, it's unlike anything else you'll ever feel in your life, and that's a huge privilege.

it's one of my favourite memories, actually, the feel of ds' shoulders slipping out, hearing him cry and knowing I'd done it - I'd actually done it. It was such a great feeling.

My second birth was one of the best experiences of my life. My first had been born in hospital at 42+1 (labour induced by pessary). This time I was determined I was having a home birth and I would not be consenting to induction simply because a calendar date had been reached.

I was booked to have a sweep at 41+3 but went into spontaneous labour on the morning of the appointment. Before labour kicked off I told DH it was about to happen (I was getting BHs that were clearly more than BHs, settling into an every 7 minutes pattern, had to use the toilet a lot, felt immense pelvic pressure). DH took DS1 to my parent's house, came back within 15 minutes of leaving to find I had just started full on, every five minutes, cannot talk through them contractions. He helped me phone the midwifery team; they said they would be right over (I had ds1 2.5 hours after going into labour, they didn't want to hang around).
They arrived, I was wandering the upstairs making mooing noises when contractions hit. They were lovely and chatty and friendly, I really felt comfortable with them. After a while I stood next to my bed. one of the midwives said "are you going to deliver there?" I said "yes, now", she said "I thought so", and then I felt the urge to push. Three pushes and 4 minutes later, DS2 was out; he'd been born in the caul, the pain never became overwhelming, I'd delivered him into my hands with a midwife providing a bit of guidance with hers, he was latched and breastfeeding within 2 minutes- he fed as I delivered the placenta! It was an amazing, wonderful experience, everything I ever wanted a birth to be.

I've had 3 births, all completely different, all in different hospitals and all three were excellent, positive birth experiences.

With my LO labour started at 4am. Contractions 4-5 mins apart. Walked lots. 12 o'clock told I was 1cm. Went back to hospital at 5pm contractions a lot stronger. Told still 1cm. Went for a 2 hour walk. 7pm still 1cm. Had a shot of pethadyn. Chilled for 2 hours. 9pm was 3cm. Stood up, waters went. Less than 2hrs later baby was here! Only had gas and air. Felt very in control and relaxed. My body knew what to do. Was a truly lovely experience.

I would absolutely call my experience positive I had quite a long latent labour - mild period pain type contractions for several hours during the night on the Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights that then tailed off as morning approached. On the Monday I was 40+3 and my midwife gave me a sweep. More mild contractions that night that again vanished by morning.

Then on Tuesday I had a bloody show mid afternoon and contractions started again around 5 pm. From there I laboured at home for a few hours and the contractions were totally manageable with a TENS machine, hypnobirthing breathing and bouncing on a yoga ball. By 11 pm I was feeling like I'd quite like some stronger pain relief so we called the midwife unit and they said to come in. The midwife examined me when I arrived around midnight and I was 4 cm dilated so she said I could stay and have some gas and air. Gas and air is amazing

The midwife unit was lovely, warm and low light and it seemed to make my body step up a gear as I rocketed from 4 cm to pushing in about 45 minutes. The speed of this meant that DS got a bit distressed and his heart rate started dropping, so they transferred me to the medical delivery suite in case they needed to intervene. I found it scary knowing he was in distress and they told me I need to get him out quickly or I would need an episiotomy. The fear did make the pain seem more acute but the midwives were great and coached me in how to push, and he flew out about 15 minutes later. Crowning hurt like fuck but as soon as his head was out it was almost instant relief. They placed him on me and I barely noticed the placenta being delivered as I was so caught up in how wonderful he was. I did tear a bit due to the speed of it all and needed some stitches, which they did with a local anaesthetic and gas and air and it was absolutely fine.

I've gone into a lot of detail because I wanted to show that although it wasn't 'perfect' (I had really wanted a water birth!) and there were painful bits and scary bits I would still describe it as overwhelmingly positive

I had my DS in a pool at home, only had and air and 5hours from start to finish no problems :)

I think it went so well because I was relaxed and at home although I appreciate that's not for everyone but you do have an ambulance on standby at the hospital.

Another point of view here, which may also help. My births weren't great, however once they are over, the memory fades and you are overwhelmed with love for your children.
Furthermore, I healed pretty fast and have no lasting pain or damage. Youngest is only four weeks so all still pretty fresh.
My advice, based on my experiences, would be to deliver in delivery suite rather than midwife led unit. That way you have access to consultant care and all the pain relief drugs.

Dc1: VB, induction, very small episiotomy and ventouse delivery and macroberts manoeuvre due to shoulder dystocia. Easy recovery, completely back to normal within about a week or so. I couldn't believe it was so easy to recover from and think I must have been very lucky. I don't know what I was expecting, but I thought there is no way my vag (sorry to be crude, but it's true) would just go back to normal, but it honestly did! I also really feared VB and was thinking of requesting ELCS, had it all over my notes that I would prefer to go straight to ELCS than a risky VB etc. But it was grand.

Dc2: this time we chose ELCS, not for my own recovery, but due to previous shoulder dystocia, (it is higher risk with subsequent babies if you have already had it) and dc2 was measuring big. Birth was so easy for me. Again, very lucky. I loved it. BUT, recovery was harder. I can't deny it. And my belly looks worse since the cs. But again, far from a horror story. Completely fine.

I always joke, (but not really joking!) that if you asked me to give birth again tomorrow, I'd do it, but if you told me I had to take home a non sleeping newborn, like dc1 was, I would cry my eyes out. My point being, that I was terrified of birth, but it was nothing compared to the actual parenting part. It was the easiest part for me, because I had support all through labour and the CS. You're really well looked after. After that, it is hard because you are caring for your baby, which I found so hard with the one which just didn't sleep. If I did it again and had one like that, I'd honestly have switched to bottle feeding expressed milk and got a night nanny some days . Being brutally honest here!

If we'd had dc2 first, I'd have thought parenting a newborn was a breeze though, so swings and roundabouts! Woke twice a night max, from the beginning, quick feed, nappy change and straight to sleep! Couldn't believe it.

My 5th baby, home birth.
Contractions started around 3 am husband got me in the bath, lots of candles and soft music, midwife arrived 2 hours later, by then i was 6cm.
Hubby held my hand, didnt leave my side, my eldest supplied tea and biscuits, was so calm.
No pain relief, baby was born 7am, by 8am i was tucked up in bed breast feeding with my other 4 children snuggled up round me.
Was honestly the best birth

I had to have a planned C-section as my DS was breech. I was utterly terrified as I'd never been in hospital for anything before let alone an operation and I had no experience with babies either and I was a lone parent (still am). It was honestly the best day of my life. The surgeon and team were amazing.

Mine wasn’t what you’d automatically think of as positive, it certainly wasn’t what I’d pictured or hoped for. I felt quite upset afterwards and needed some time to process what happened- but a lot of that was more down to feeling guilty for not matching up to some ideal I had in my head.

Having said all that, there was plenty of positives too. I made a playlist to listen to and our baby was born to the song I walked down the aisle to, it was such a magical moment and we sing the sing to her now every day. Corona and the maternity unit being at unprecedented levels of business (they turned people away after us, women in labour were being sent to a different hospital) meant that there were a couple of times where the care was a bit patchy, but for the majority time it was really good and there were certain midwives I’ll be grateful to forever for their kindness and support. I had various complications and ended up with EMCS but how wonderful that that was an option and that the highly trained staff were able to do what was needed to keep baby and me safe. I did feel overwhelmed, in pain, exhausted etc at times but whenever it got too much there was always something that could be done to bring things back to manageable again - anything from some reassurance from my husband to a different pain relief option etc. We used the Positive Birth Company digital pack and the breathing/ relaxation techniques in there were invaluable throughout and really helped when things weren’t going ‘to plan’.

3 weeks on I’m healing well. Not gonna lie it’s been up and down recovery wise but again, never anything insurmountable and I had good care in hospital afterwards and since then the community midwives and health visitor have been amazing - really supportive and reassuring.

Above all else my dd is here and safe and worth every second. I didn’t have a textbook ‘positive’ story but I’m able to see it as positive now and I think the biggest thing to bear in mind is EVEN IF things do go off plan and you don’t get the straightforward, positive story you hope for, you will be fine, you’ll surprise yourself with how strong you are and how able you are to face whatever turns it takes.

Yes. 2 c sections - 1 at 39 and 1 at 42. No gore and very little pain. Very calm and actually making jokes in theatre. Not what I'd expected in a million years.

I'm a worrier too. The good thing is, if you constantly think worst case scenario, you'll usually be pleasantly surprised.

First birth on gas and air in a midwife led unit. Second one a beautiful, calm home delivery with no drugs at all, honestly the best experience of my life. No tearing and back to normal life within 24 hours both times.
(I decided not to jinx my good luck with having a third baby!)

Loved having both my boys.

Both no intervention, just gas and air. Wonderful midwives, great short stay in hospitals.

I loved every moment of both labours and delivery. Never felt so empowered by my own strength and abilities.

Everyone I know who had planned c sections had a fantastic birth experience. Civilised and fuss-free. Its not for everyone but it's what I'm going to choose. I'm scared of the pain of birth and although i am an animal I don't want to feel like one! I want it to be clean and controlled and to have a sip of champagne the night before. Might not be for you - but it's an option to consider!

Totally loved my births. I won't lie, the first was hard but I expected it to be as I'm a bit older, and nothing went wrong. The other two, easily best experiences of my life. Cannot describe the rush of happiness, suffused with total bliss when they were born. With my last I was in and out of hospital in two hours. Turned up, hung about a bit, told I was 5cm, and she was born half an hour later. Home for lunch and snuggles.

Both actual births were great - one EMCS and one ELCS. Calm, supported and happy memories. The ELCS was best because the run up was so much more controlled.

Mine was positive, not anything remotely like my birth plan had described but I look at it all as positive. A scary moment towards the end as his heart beat dropped too low, but everything remained calm and professional.
A little tearing but wasn’t as bad as the world had made it out to be.

I'd say mine was not how I planned but was still very positive. I had to be induced, but had gas and air and then an epidural to help with the pain, and then at the end I had to have an EMCS as my baby's heart was dropping each time I pushed (it turned out the cord was wrapped around his neck), but the EMCS was brilliant and the baby was out minutes after they started. It could have all ended badly but the staff at the hospital were so skilled and got my baby out safely, and that makes me feel incredibly positive about the whole experience.

DS1's labour felt hard work - I was exhausted and drained afterwards for days. I had said I didn't want any intervention or pain relief and ended up having everything. Looking back, I wish I'd had Mumsnet back then to ask for advice on being flexible and anticipating what could happen.

DS2's labour was lovely, which sounds odd, but is true; with DS1 I had a very definite plan and was probably far too set in what I wanted/expected. With DS2 I didn't write any kind of plan and just went in with the mindset that we would do what we needed to do. His labour was mostly in the bath in the hospital and I can't explain strongly enough how much difference it made to my pain levels, simply being in water. He was 10lbs and didn't need any intervention or pain relief at all; it couldn't have been more different to DS1 if I'd deliberately planned it.

I would never suggest to anyone that having zero pain relief is any kind of goal or achievement, however, because it absolutely isn't. With DS2 if I'd needed more I'd have had it, willingly. I have a couple of friends who've been devastated after labour because they've needed intervention or pain relief, and all I think is there are no prizes for the type of labour you have; nobody is better or worse for how it happens. Go with an open mind and research some positive birth groups near you - they can really help alleviate anxieties.