Has anyone had a positive birth experience?

[PileofToss]

DH and I are currently TTC.

I’ve had a phobia of pregnancy and birth since before I can remember, not helped by the fact my only close friends who have had babies have all had really horrific experiences.

Of course I know that the end result is a baby and I shouldn’t be getting myself worked up before I’m even pregnant, but I just can’t help the constant fear.

Does anyone have any positive birth experiences they’re happy to share, or any advice?

If I do manage to get pregnant then I will speak to a professional about my issues, but just for now I’d like to hear some real examples of births which aren’t quite so gory

Two births - both positive. At home. Water births. For me, hypnobirthing was a great tool. As was reading Ina May Gaskin’s books. I’m not in any way ‘hippy woo’, but it helped me understand the process of giving birth.

I loved the births of my first two. Gas and air only, both five hours from start to finish, minor stitches but recovery basically very easy.

I do feel uncomfortable saying this in really life since for many this is not the case. But I think there are also many many women who have had similar experiences to me. One thing that really helped was a supportive partner who I had discussed everything with carefully beforehand and was a tremendous support and advocate (when I was off my tits in gas and air 😂)

I would really really recommend hypnobirthing! I had two really positive birth experiences with it. It's not all airy fairy "birth is painfree lala la", but about taking the fear out of it, giving you confidence in your own body, and being able to cope calmly with whatever turn your labour takes. With DD, my first, she was back to back and i ended up on a drip as my contractions stopp, almost c-section, but thankfully she came out with just an episiotomy. It could have been a scary experience, but I was calm throughout, even though i was exhausted. With my son, i had a lovely home birth, just with gas and air and a birth pool. Don't get me wrong, it hurt, but it wasn't a scary pain, and overall was a lovely experience.

Try not to listen to the horror stories, every birth is different, and many many more people have positve experiences than negative.

(I should add, can't comment yet on number three since they are not out yet!)

Yes Ina May Gaskin's books are great. I also really enjoyed "Bump" by Kate Evans - it's quite political which won't be everyone's thing, but really helps you understand the biological processes, and lays out your rights as a birthing woman very clearly.

I had a positive birth experience.

I woke up at 12am, waddled to the toilet, went for a wee and my waters broke. I was half asleep and wasn't sure if it was my waters or if I'd wet myself 🤣 put a pad on and laid down in bed to try get more rest and the first contraction came. So went downstairs to make a cup of tea and bounce on birthing ball. Didn't get to drink said tea or actually bounce as the contractions came in thick and strong. Woke DP up and said baby's coming in which he said "where?!" Numpty. Took stepdaughter home. Starting pushing in the car (I was trying not too, it's incredible how your body takes over!!) got to hospital at 2.30am at 10cm dilated and gave birth in a birthing pool at 3:08am. So in labour for three hours.

I highly recommend a birthing pool. It was amazing. And the room was lovely with fairy lights etc to make you feel calm, I didn't notice this at all mind when I got there I was just so focused on getting the baby out.

Labour does hurt. There's no way of avoiding it. But it is so so so worth it. And afterwards you feel so empowered. Our bodies are incredible.

I had a really wonderful experience with my first. I am 31 weeks with no 2 and I'm genuinely excited about labour. Bring it on!

I was planning a home birth and it didn't go completely to plan but I felt in control and well cared for all the way through. Being at home in a hired birth pool was brilliant. It was so calm and so private. My DS was in an awkward position and we stalled at 8cm so I went into hospital. I had an epidural and a nap, DS arrived a few hours later.

The things that really helped were hypnobirthing and having a doula. I did a lot of research and really prepared for what was coming. I knew what my options were at every stage and I had choices so I felt completely in control. I really recommend the positive birth book!

Had epidural- spent some of the time sleeping, read a book, watched TV with DH. Very relaxed and pain free.

I had a "show" at 7.30 am, my waters broke at 2pm, I arrived at the hospital at 3pm, and DD was born at 8pm
I used TENS, and tried gas and air, but didn't get on with it. I wasn't cut and I didn't tear.

I was back in my size 12 jeans three weeks later, and by 6 weekd my body didn't look or feel like I had had a baby.

I was 41.

Admittedly, it did take ages to get breastfeeding established, but it helped get rid of the extra weight. I could feel my uterus contracting when DD fed, and it was back down to its original size after 10 days.

I had my first baby 5 weeks ago and it was such a positive experience! Had a very long latent stage but active labour was only 3.5 hours. I had a water birth on a midwife led unit and only needed gas and air for the contractions. I didn't find the pushing to be painful as your body just takes over, and I ended up only needing one stitch for a minor graze. I would definitely recommend following 'BirthSense', 'Tellmeagoodbirthstory' and 'Spinning Babies' on Facebook (if you have FB) - they're always sharing really positive and empowering birth stories, and have loads of posts about knowing your rights during labour. You'll be absolutely fine - your body was made to do this!

Both of my pregnancies ended with an emergency c section but I still think of them as a positive experience. I felt listened to and at all stages everything was explained to DH and I. The midwives and doctors were amazing. DC2 had to go to the special care unit for a bit and DH was allowed to go too. I couldn't because I had to wait till I could walk after the epidural, so the midwives took photos of him for me. DC1 was latched on and feeding before we'd even left theatre.

Up until I needed the epidural I hadn't had any pain relief other than a heated wheat pillow on my lower back, which almost 14 years later, still amazes me about how wonderful it was.

I find birth stories very odd. People seem to be absolute desperate to give you all the gory details and make dramatic, blanket statements about things which you basically have no control over.

Having now given birth, I can say that my own story sounds slightly dramatic but it really really wasn’t. Your body just isn’t able to remember pain so even though you can say “I was in labour for 20+ hours”, you have no recollection of those full 20+ hours. Also the minutes go slowly but the hours absolutely race by.

The positive birth company has lots of positive stories and I’d focus on those.

Mine was an induction that ended in an EMCS but it was so positive for me because I got the most beautiful baby in the world out of it. Sorry everyone else, but I got her

Yes, six. Normal, vaginal deliveries, pain relief where needed, happy mum, happy baby.

Remember, fear makes the wolf look bigger.

I had a very straight forward and 'quick' Labour with my first. Waters went at 8pm. Pains were on and off from about 9pm but getting stronger. By 1.30am it was getting too much so we drove to the hospital. Got there just before 2.30am and before they could examine me I was ready to push. My son was born at 3.55am. He was a week early and we were discharged later that day. Didn't even get a chance for pain relief as it was so quick. I went in with no expectations or birth plan. He wasn't hanging around so good job really. Yes it was painful but knowing each contraction got me one step closer to meeting him helped me cope.

I would recommend seeking out and reading books about natural childbirth e.g. Ina May Gaskin, Grantly Dick-Read, Marie Mongan and Juju Sunkin. Looking for positive stories like you've done here is also a great idea. My second birth was more difficult than my first but it was a much better experience as I was so much better prepared.

I did. She came 2 weeks early so I had no time to overthink things, the worst pain was the contractions which do become quite intense towards the end but the best advice I got was to stay at home as long as you could cope with. I was 8cm when I got to hospitality, arrived just after 4.30pm and had her in the pool at 6.50pm with gas and air, no tears and very straight forward. I was home at 10pm. I found the whole thing to be a hugely positive, calm experience. The local birth centre was like a boutique hotel with (fake) candles and music and honestly it was a fabulous experience.

2 natural births, didn't hurt much, not acute pain more like trapped wind or ibs pain if you have experienced it and only for the last hour. Pregnancy is a doddle compared to rearing the child!

I would definitely recommend NCT classes as a way to prepare yourself, I think because I knew what my body was doing I felt calm about it.

@badg3r I also agree re a supportive partner, my husband was brilliant from start to finish.

Only had gas and air for both and although I had a few stitches they healed up and it wasn't too bad. It hurts, I won't lie, but it's one day out of your life.
I guess I was very lucky , but most women I know had positive births and healthy babies. Good luck !

2 births, neither of them absolutely without problems- but neither of them traumatising either.

No 1. Vaginal after induction (existing medical problems). Used a TENS machine at first, then gas and air. Used what I suppose would be called CBT techniques for relaxation. Found dh's presence very comforting. There was a bit of damage as baby's head got stuck for a bit on the way out, so I did need some stitches but the actual experience wasn't that bad.

No 2. Induction, moving on to emergency caesarean as baby was showing signs of stress (I could have gone on to deliver vaginally). Funnily enough, I remember this emergency operation as a very jolly occasion: everything was very calm, I was kept informed of what was going on, the operating team were very cheerful and supportive, and dh was again able to be present.

Nah. Three relatively straightforward births, in three different hospitals. All so hellish I left it seven years between each kid. Sorry not helpful. That was way way back - I trust things are much more accommodating these days... and honestly it is all eclipsed forevermore the moment your baby is handed to you.
Your fear is a very valid primal one. Historically, and shamefully to this day elsewhere on earth, giving birth is the singlemost dangerous thing a woman does (well aside from hooking up with abusive arseholes but thats another thread.) So this is your physiology doing its risk assessment. Never mind additional anxiety of the already known risks of starting your family in these troubled times. You'd be blithely ignorant not to have some apprehension. I reckon this is maternal instinct kicking in.
Very best of luck
Oh, just recalled I named one of mine after the midwife so cant have been all bad.

Yes. I was terrified before hand, thanks to my mum's tales of her episiotomy, and too many episodes of holby city etc.

In reality, I had 2 v straightforward births with gas and air. Bit of tearing with 1 and a more painful graze with 2. How the fuck do you get a graze?

Dh w as brilliant throughout. Crowning was the worst bit, but the relief when the rest slides out is immense. I had 2 9 pounders and I wonder if that makes it a bit easier.

I had a v positive birth. My contractions were horrific, and so excruciating I would have quite happily chopped my head off and been done with the whole thing.

However! I had a mobile epidural (couldn’t feel pain, but could still get up to go to the loo and feel where to push) and Dd was born after 45 mins of pushing, no intervention and a slight tear - she had come out with her hand next to her face.

I’d definitely do it again without hesitation. I’ve found having a threenager far worse than giving birth

Two straightforward water births with a bit of gas and air in a MLU. Home and back in my own bed with a gorgeous baby about 5 hours after giving birth.