Req money as wedding present

[kb16]

I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

I shall not pay towards your trip to the sea, but I will gift you a picture of the sea.

Not just cheeky, but incredibly classless.

The naff little poem manages to make it even more crass.

We asked for money for two reasons. The first because we had been asked for money as wedding gifts by lots of couples whose weddings we had been to and hadn't been offended. The second was that we were living in a tiny flat already packed with stuff and didn't want anyone to waste their money on random gifts like toasters that we didn't need or have room for.

Personally I think the gift thing should die out completely. It was to set a couple up in their new home, there's no need for that these days.

Money for a honeymoon is cheeky af. Have a cheaper wedding if you want a holiday out of it.

Please don't. Incredibly vulgar in my opinion.
Ill caveat that by saying I'm Irish and have never seen a demand for money as a gift on a invitation.
( normally friends of bride and groom know that money is preferred and Irish mammys tend to tell the other extended family something alone the lines oh shur they've been living together for ages and they have all their house stuff. Cash is probably easier for you!

@pineappletop

Everyone who has said they wouldn't dream of giving money. What would you give?

You’d assume anyone invited to a wedding knows the couple well enough to choose a gift they like. It’s hardly rocket science.

Weddings seem to have changed so much and not for the better imo. They seem less about the vows and commitment and more about the “big day” and what can we get guests to pay for.

[quote Miner49er]@dwiz8

As I said before, because I would consider it rude to be asked. If you can't afford your honeymoon, choose one within your budget. I would choose something for your house or garden, and give a gift receipt so you could exchange it if you wished.

As with Christmas and birthdays, you don't get to tell people what they will be giving you.[/quote]
You do get to tell people what you would like for Christmas etc.

It's very strange to actively not give a couple a gift they have requested, pretty spiteful imo

@MrsExpo

Cheeky, greedy and grabby IMO. I recently did not attend a wedding where this was part of the deal. If people want to buy a gift - even if its a bottle of wine, then let them do so. But don't ask for money, and especially not for your honeymoon.

I’ve declined similar invites. It really does feel like an entry fee, please come along and bring cash.

Even worse when it’s an evening only invite or second wedding.

I feel unless you are saying 'no gifts please' or are enclosing a wedding list from a particular store you should not mention anything about gifts at all. We didn't mention gifts on our invites but at least 90% gave money, we hadn't lived together but did both have our own homes, we were 38 and 40 getting married so didn't need household items, the nicest gift was a weekend in the hotel we had our reception in for exactly 1 year later.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss my parents still cook lasagne and they know I hate it, I don't think it's a case of they know you well enough to know what you want.
Most people would want money

Maybe it would be easier for people to stop inviting people who don't care about them as much. If someone doesn't attend wedding or buys unwanted gift because they simply cannot get over the cash and won't go without a physical gift, they don't deserve to be invited to share the day anyway🤷🏻

You’d assume anyone invited to a wedding knows the couple well enough to choose a gift they like. It’s hardly rocket science.

I'm hopeless at choosing presents for my husband and parents, let alone friends or wider family. Bloody love being able to stick a donation onto a honeymoon collection website and be done with it.

We were invited to a wedding once. It was a second wedding for both of them and they lived together.

Enclosed with the invitation was a badly written little ditty which in summary, said - we've lived together for years, we don't need anything but we fancy a flash holiday so please contribute.

We made our excuses to not attend.

@katy1213

Your husband should be paying for your honeymoon; it is his gift to the bride. It is the height of rudeness to send any request for presents with the wedding invitations. If you have a wedding list, then you wait for people to ask for it. Tacky, coy verses do not make you look any less grabby.

Wow. The 1950s just called, they want their attitude back 😂 Our honeymoon cost €5k, would have been a bit mean expecting DH to pay all that himself, given I earn more than him!

I'm English, living in Ireland. Been to several weddings in both countries over the last few years and honestly can't remember the last time one had a gift list. I really think they are a thing of the past for the most part.

But also have only seen a request for cash on an invite once (at a UK wedding). In ireland it seems to be just assumed that is what you do, and the expectation is a minimum €150 per couple which I have always found far too steep. When we got married with a mix of Irish and English guests we received amounts varying from €5 to €400. All very gratefully received.

I don't know anyone in real life who cares about couples asking for money. This is mostly a mumsnet thing. I prefer it, £50 in a card, job done.

Just throw 50 quid in a card and either stay at home or join the meal.

Some people are such tight arses. Sorry now but what's the problem.

If you don't like the message stay home, but FGS give the money gift anyway.

I think it's super-cheeky. If you don't want presents, then you don't need to mention anything about it in the invitation. If anyone enquires, then you could mention about contributions to a honeymoon. So long as you actually then have said honeymoon. The absolute worst is when couples say that, then decide to waste the money on some other tat.

I would buy a present and if you already had it tough

Do you actually like these people @Chloemol ?

We said nothing about gifts on invites and got mostly money, a few gift cards and photo frames, we were grateful for everything.

@dwiz8

Telling people what to get you as presents? Charming!

As I said before, I'd be delighted to choose something from a wedding list, if one is available. Always my first preference.

Im intrigued, what are these poem?
Please post an example.

Im my culture we tend to put 'no boxed gifts' on the invite which most people can take the hint and give money. Its actually quite common to do so now.

Just be honest about it

@yolio

50 minimum for a couple IMV.

But more if you want.

TBH anything like 20 quid is ridiculous as a guest, but I suppose some will think it is very generous.

Some people would never go to a wedding in Ireland, you'd be remortgaging your property. But the fun is mighty and goes on all night into 5am, and then there is a BBQ next day, and all that, all paid for the guests. Oh and the night before early dinner and drinks too.

All kind of gone now with Covid, but a great celebration and great fun all the same. You can dip in and out, no one cares what you do.

Come on, this is really unfair. What if £20 is all someone can afford? How is that ridiculous?

Wedding lists were for young couples setting up their first homes.

If you already live together and don't need household stuff - you should not be asking for cash instead. It smacks of being paid back for feeding and watering your guests.

I give a John Lewis or M&S gift card to most weddings I go to these days depending on how well I know the couple it ranges from £30 to £150.

Guests can be cheeky greedy and grabby. Drinking everything in sight and a tenner in a card for the privilege.

Sorry now, that is just awful.

Tiny weddings will be the norm going forward now since the cost of a big wedding is ridiculous and most people don't care apart from immediate family really. I hope so.