Req money as wedding present

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I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

@Miner49er to be honest any amount. I don't think there is a set amount to give and wouldn't mind if people didn't give anything at all.
I normally give about £40-70 depending on how close I am to the person.

@Miner49er

OK, so given that a percentage of people are prepared to give cash as a present, how much do you give? An amount per person attending, a token £20, or enough to cover your meal at the reception?

Depends how close we are

For family we do about £250 from us as a family

For close friends between £150-250

Acquaintances, work colleagues and any weddings we only get invited to the evening we give about £50-£100

I'll do anything that makes giving a gift easier so it's fine by me.

People expect to give gift so what's wrong with being explicit, no worse than a gift list.

Yes, but that about how you feel. Not about how the giver feels. And that's the crux.

And here is the problem!
People forget that gift should be about the one who receives it.

If you ask for a set of nice whiskey glasses for Christmas and you get set of bog standard ikea water glasses with "Well I felt you should get these instead of the whiskey ones" will you be happy?

No poem, it's very lower class.

And don't say anything about cash for honeymoon.

People will give cash if they want, and for many it's what they prefer.

I much prefer giving money as it's easier. Also it's better to give something that's going to be useful rather than just sit around and collect dust.
When we got married we didn't want to ask for presents but everyone insisted we had a list somewhere. So we did at John Lewis. Then my family down here all whinged that there wasn't a JL near them (they are in Cornwall and frequently went to the one in exeter,) so ended up doing what we wanted them to do and gave us money or even better vintage champagne and very good whisky.

I was 32 when I got married, so an older bride, and a home owner. we just included the very special people in our life to our small wedding (60) and there was no way I was gonna ask any of them for a gift, let alone money. People did still generously send gifts, it was a lovely kind offer.

Just to point out, I'm interested because I would never ask for or give money. (Married 20 years.)

Your husband should be paying for your honeymoon; it is his gift to the bride.
It is the height of rudeness to send any request for presents with the wedding invitations. If you have a wedding list, then you wait for people to ask for it.
Tacky, coy verses do not make you look any less grabby.

But definitely not expected

50 minimum for a couple IMV.

But more if you want.

TBH anything like 20 quid is ridiculous as a guest, but I suppose some will think it is very generous.

Some people would never go to a wedding in Ireland, you'd be remortgaging your property. But the fun is mighty and goes on all night into 5am, and then there is a BBQ next day, and all that, all paid for the guests. Oh and the night before early dinner and drinks too.

All kind of gone now with Covid, but a great celebration and great fun all the same. You can dip in and out, no one cares what you do.

@Miner49er

Just to point out, I'm interested because I would never ask for or give money. (Married 20 years.)

Why would you not want to give someone a gift they wanted?

Weird tbh

I wouldn’t mention gifts on the invite. I don’t mind when people do but I wouldn’t do it myself ( and I didn’t do it)

We had a destination wedding. We were not offended in the slightest at anyone who couldn't go. We didn't tell anyone where to stay and how long for etc. It was very much up to them and they stayed wherever their budget allowed etc. In terms of gifts we said no gifts at all because people had spent enough!
Other people's weddings are expensive. Even local ones by the time you've got outfit, taxi, drinks etc.
If you mean no gifts, say no gifts. We genuinely didn't need any gifts and we certainly didn't want money.
Either say no gifts or just say nothing.

One friend said they were doing work, new bathroom and kitchen and wanted John Lewis vouchers towards lifting it out, that’s fine

It’s grabby to ask for money

So it's grabby tonask for money in the form of paper cash but totally fine to ask for it in the form of paper vouchers? How is that different? I don't get it at all.

Grabby grabby grabby.
You would get nowt from me.

The whole three day event at an Irish wedding is all paid for the guests apart from drinks outside the Wedding Day itself. Accommodation is subsidised by the venue for guests, great deal usually.

Can't do it anymore, it it hilarious but v. tiring.

But that's the way, I am sure other countries have three day events too,

Everyone who has said they wouldn't dream of giving money. What would you give?

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Yes, but that about how you feel. Not about how the giver feels. And that's the crux.

And here is the problem!
People forget that gift should be about the one who receives it.

If you ask for a set of nice whiskey glasses for Christmas and you get set of bog standard ikea water glasses with "Well I felt you should get these instead of the whiskey ones" will you be happy?

Why ask though? Whiskey glasses or any gift. Why would you ask for a specific gift from a guest? Let people give willingly. They don't need to be told its traditional to take a gift to a wedding.

I hate poems - I really hate poems!

I don't like requests for money but it feels better when it's for something specific, like a greenhouse.
But not a honeymoon - I'm not going to fund your holiday. If you want a fancy honeymoon, have a cheaper wedding.

Why ask though? Whiskey glasses or any gift. Why would you ask for a specific gift from a guest? Let people give willingly. They don't need to be told its traditional to take a gift to a wedding.

Because I don't want people to spend money on stuff I will not want and keep?

@dwiz8

As I said before, because I would consider it rude to be asked. If you can't afford your honeymoon, choose one within your budget. I would choose something for your house or garden, and give a gift receipt so you could exchange it if you wished.

As with Christmas and birthdays, you don't get to tell people what they will be giving you.

Because I don't want people to spend money on stuff I will not want and keep?
And as a guest I'd much rather get something I know is wanted.

@Miner49er - whoever pays for the wedding does the inviting. It might have been traditional for the bride's parents to pay for weddings years ago but these days many people pay for their own weddings so they do the inviting. It's very out of date to go through the bride's parents for wedding related queries. I'd go so far as to suggest that parents who insist on pretending the invitations are from them is so that the guests know they have paid for it.
People's reactions to preferring money over some crappy John Lewis item that someone else has decided they should want is just bizarre. Giving a gift should be all about the recipient but these people who refuse or get offended by giving money are making it all about themselves.

Cheeky, greedy and grabby IMO. I recently did not attend a wedding where this was part of the deal. If people want to buy a gift - even if its a bottle of wine, then let them do so. But don't ask for money, and especially not for your honeymoon.