Req money as wedding present

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I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

[quote Miner49er]@dwiz8

Telling people what to get you as presents? Charming!

As I said before, I'd be delighted to choose something from a wedding list, if one is available. Always my first preference.[/quote]
Yes, most people ask so I tell them...

And for DH if I didn't tell him I'd end up with a garden hoe

So you're fine someone telling you what to get them if it's an item but not money? How odd and a bit spiteful tbh

@goodwinter

My money, my choice how I spent it

Oh we had some of those naff mr and Mrs mug sets too. They didn't make it back to our flat from the reception and were carefully ditched at a service station on the M4!

Haven’t read the thread.

On MN you can’t possibly ask for cash. In reality most people are happy to give cash.

Some British people are so tight. It has to be the worst traight in a person.

I understand if people are in difficult circumstances, but you don't go to a wedding then do you? Despite what many think, few will miss us.

OK, so given that a percentage of people are prepared to give cash as a present, how much do you give? An amount per person attending, a token £20, or enough to cover your meal at the reception?

I usually give between £50 and £100 depending on how well I know the couple. If we’re very close to them I might go up to £150. But I think it’s genuinely fine to give what you can afford, and if the couple sniffs at the amount they’re incredibly rude.

@yolio

Some British people are so tight. It has to be the worst traight in a person.

I understand if people are in difficult circumstances, but you don't go to a wedding then do you? Despite what many think, few will miss us.

So if your friends are in a tight spot, they don't deserve to share the joy of your wedding day?

Wow. I'm out.

Maybe not a silly poem, but I think it's not uncommon. And indeed traditional in certain cultures. Traditional wedding gifts are stuff for the newlyweds to set up home together and that's increasingly outdated.

I don't like the expression "no boxed gifts". We get it, you want cash, that's fine, just say it. "No boxed gifts" comes across as slightly snide and passive aggressive to me, and would tempt me to buy something in a bag just to poke fun.

Most people give cash now a days and that’s fine- ASKING is the issue. I was brought up whether a birthday or a wedding to never expect anything and to always be grateful. As a society we have become so demanding and rude.
My abroad hen is x amount
My local hen is x amount
My wedding requires x amount of annual leave
My wedding venue accommodation is x amount
We want cash....
Then roll on baby shower, gender reveals and sip n sees
You want a wedding, you want a honeymoon, you want nice house stuff, buy it yourself.

I think it's great and the poem is a nice, gentle way to approach it so you don't end up with things you don't need but don't have to say "money please"

I did see a PP who said they saw "no box gifts please" which I thought was also nice.

You’d assume anyone invited to a wedding knows the couple well enough to choose a gift they like. It’s hardly rocket science

I wish!

no boxed gifts

I’d take it out of the box and put it in a git bag it’s so PA

I am actually shocked at some of the responses on this thread. People actually calculating costs per guest and then expecting cash from them. I would never have dreamed of mentioning money and gift requests on our wedding invite. It demeans the event and is a bad start to any marriage.

I prefer a simple "No presents necessary, but if you want to give cash, here's our bank details: XX."

Maybe it's a generation thing. I'm in my 30s, and this is normal in my circle of friends. I will always give cash because people my age tend to already live with their spouse-to-be, and vouchers are stupid because they can turn worthless quickly. I'd rather have the BACS details given to me than have to chase them up.

No need for anything tacky or vague, just say what you mean.

And if the people you wanted to invite would get offended at a simple request - why on earth are you inviting them in the first place? Invite people who know you well, and who know your circumstances, and who will therefore see the message for what it is: you don't need a present, but if they want to get you something, they can send you some money so you can pool it with other gifted money and buy something worthwhile.

No one wants or needs a million spoons or photo frames.

We got married in our home country where people tend to give large presents/ usually money. At the time we were renting and looking to buy a house in a couple of years. Our rental was tiny and had no space for anything extra, not to mention it would have been very difficult to physically get anything to our house. We put in a cringy line something like "your presence is the only present we need but if you wish a contribution towards our first home would be appreciated/wonderful/something like that". I don't think I would like to ask for something for a honeymoon, when people give a lot I think they'd like to put towards something concrete if you'll excuse the pun. I'm glad we did ask as the few physical presents we did get weren't really our style at all and hardly got used.

Personally I hate it, loads of people do it though.

I hardly ever gift money for weddings - only if I've been lazy and not thought of a good gift in time (if there's no actual list) do I give cash.

It's much easier all round to guide guests as to what to do. Most people are kind and generous and want to get you something you will want as a gift on your wedding day be that money, vouchers, gift list item, charity donation.

I cant imagine many people open a wedding invitation and feel offended.

I understand those thinking it’s cheeky, but I personally think it’s better than people wasting money on tat you don’t want or need. My friend requested this and her guests were relieved they didn’t need to go shopping for some sentimental rubbish. It meant they could have a longer honeymoon abroad. No one has to listen they can chose not to give a gift at all.

I judge people who are happy to get vouchers but not put a money in a card as being a bit dim TBH. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE!! In fact what is the difference giving money or buying a gift? Seriously? Unless you're shoplifting the gift you're just cutting out the middle man

We're just not mentioning gifts on the invitations, and hoping for the best! I won't be bothered if guests don't get us anything, but I also hope we don't get 20 photo frames. Or things to display that aren't to our tastes. But I don't want to specify what people give as presents, or that they even have to.

I always give money as a wedding gift, £50 in a card, to spend however they like! A poem would make me giggle and I think it's a little tacky I suppose, but I wouldn't care enough either way really. With gift registers it's exactly the same thing, but with a mad search to see if you can afford anything left in your price range!

SharonasCorona
Tempted to dig out my wedding card with the ubiquitous ‘no boxed gifts please’ grin

I have a solution for that - take the gift out of the box.

Sorry to say we got about 20 photo frames from those who chose not to give cash 😂

*Personal view..
I loathe requests for money as a wedding present.
I especially loathe money to pay for a honeymoon.
I especially, REALLY loathe poems requesting the above

^ this

I put nothing on our invites as I've hated receiving invites with gift lists or poems or 'honeymoon contributions'.

As it happens we got a few gifts which were lovely but got money, gift vouchers and cheques. I think the money gifts were enough to pay for all our flights on our next trip to the states actually.

Im generally happy to give money. Most couples have the stuff you would traditionally buy as wedding gifts anyway., I'd prefer my hard earned money go on something that is wanted rather.

@katy1213

Your husband should be paying for your honeymoon; it is his gift to the bride. It is the height of rudeness to send any request for presents with the wedding invitations. If you have a wedding list, then you wait for people to ask for it. Tacky, coy verses do not make you look any less grabby.

I've never heard of this. What is the bride's present to the groom?