Req money as wedding present

[kb16]

I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

To be honest we are planning on doing this but it will be used for redoing our garden at our new house.
My cousin didn't put anything about gifts in and ended up with 15 mr and mrs photo frames, 3 wedding certificate display holders and 5 mr and mrs mug sets.

I don’t mind the request for money but I hate the poem request, it isn’t cute it’s cringe.

Polkasquare

It is just what people do in certain cultures, including my own country. No one asked for money but it's the done thing.

Like I said, British people from the four corners of the UK might have a different attitude, that's fine.

It is not the same everywhere though, it is an accepted fact for many wedding guests all over.

Very common where I grew up and in DH culture. Not sure why it's so uncommon on this forum, and why it's considered rude, entitled etc..

Surely, it'm much more rude to show up at a wedding empty ended?

*handed not ended

Sorry but the whole asking for money is tacky. I wouldn’t want to contribute to a honeymoon and in fact wouldn’t on point of principle. If you can’t afford it yourself then don’t go. I would buy a present and if you already had it tough

Do a list. One friend said they were doing work, new bathroom and kitchen and wanted John Lewis vouchers towards lifting it out, that’s fine

It’s grabby to ask for money

A family friend had a website, I've no idea how, where we could buy particular things for their honeymoon.

For example, 'deluxe breakfast on the balcony' 'meal for 2' 'tour ride' 'upgrade to fly first class' etc and I thought that was a great idea!

It's unpopular on here but in real life I don't know anyone who actually gives a shit. I love it when people ask for money, saves me trying to pick something out for them. I can see no issues with money over a present when you are still spending money.

If there’s no wedding list I think I would just give money anyway to be honest. Saves the anxiety of wrong colour/they have it already/nobody told me the groom has that fear of little holes so can’t bear to be in the same room as that sunflower canvas now.
Etc etc. :)

Money poems don’t bother me at all. If people ask for money towards honeymoon I always give a gift of the currency wherever they are travelling to.

Saying that, we didn’t write anything about gifts on our invites and we got cash and vouchers from the majority of people. So even if you don’t write anything your likely to get cash...

@Chloemol

Sorry but the whole asking for money is tacky. I wouldn’t want to contribute to a honeymoon and in fact wouldn’t on point of principle. If you can’t afford it yourself then don’t go. I would buy a present and if you already had it tough

Do a list. One friend said they were doing work, new bathroom and kitchen and wanted John Lewis vouchers towards lifting it out, that’s fine

It’s grabby to ask for money

"if you already had it, tough"

Why would you want to get someone you presumably care about something they won't use? Or anyone, really? What a waste of money!

I recently got married. We didnt have many guests however everyone that did come gave us money. We had not requested this but we have been together a long time so think everyone just assumed it was for the best (it was).

@pineappletop

To be honest we are planning on doing this but it will be used for redoing our garden at our new house. My cousin didn't put anything about gifts in and ended up with 15 mr and mrs photo frames, 3 wedding certificate display holders and 5 mr and mrs mug sets.

And those gifts are pretty inexpensive. It's harder and more embarrassing to stick a fiver in a card than buy a cheaper present. I think you invite people to share your joy. Gifts should be gratefully received if offered. But the more I think about it, the more mercenary and "spoilt" weddings seem! I couldn't turn my nose up at a chosen gift.

Step away from the thread..

There is a maximum of 30 allowed at a wedding reception and that includes the catering staff, photographer, DJ etc.

Thanks for the reply. Smaller weddings might just become very fashionable very soon!

That is in response to NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite Wed 19-Aug-

Appreciate your reply.

I genuinely don't get the disgust that other people do when it comes to wedding present money requests.

In fact I prefer it.

A. It's easier. No traipsing our to buy stuff you're not even sure the couple will like (or worse, picking off a gift list trying to find something in your price range)
B. Presumably you'd be spending money on a present anyway so it cutting out the middle man
C. My loved ones get what they want.

It's SO WEIRD to be offended at this.

@Todaywewilldobetter I'd rather the fiver than the same mug set 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'd much rather know what the bride and groom actually want but please don't do a poem

[quote pineappletop]@Todaywewilldobetter I'd rather the fiver than the same mug set 🤷🏼‍♀️ [/quote]
Yes, but that about how you feel. Not about how the giver feels. And that's the crux. They are guests
If one of my children ever said, "I'd rather have the fiver" about a gift, it would lead to a serious conversation!

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite

If you don't want gifts how about a request to donate to one of a few chosen charities? How about if they don't want gifts, they just say so? I wouldn't donate to a charity as a wedding present. That is not a wedding present. I support charities of my choosing, not someone else's.

This is why we suggested wedding guests give a donation to a charity of their choosing if they wanted to make a gift. We had some lovely wedding cards that told us they'd made a donation to x charity. We were chuffed that a diverse range of charities had benefited from a donation prompted by our special day.

OK, so given that a percentage of people are prepared to give cash as a present, how much do you give? An amount per person attending, a token £20, or enough to cover your meal at the reception?

@Todaywewilldobetter luckily my parents are more open minded.
Please be serious here

Wearywithteens

I know what you mean, but times have really changed now. I wouldn't buy a gift for any B+G because it might not have the right label on it lol!

Anyway, money is the way to go and if that's a fiver, tenner or more, it is the best thing.

One thing I will say is to make sure if you are putting CASH in an envelope that it is not stolen! Sad time at a friend's wedding and it did happen. Have a little box somewhere at the reception that is not removeable to put guest's cards in and Groomsman can sort it out later.

I know what I'm talking about here believe me!

I bet there has been a lot of that going on over the years! Sadly.

@Miner49er

OK, so given that a percentage of people are prepared to give cash as a present, how much do you give? An amount per person attending, a token £20, or enough to cover your meal at the reception?

That's not an invitation, it's an invoice! Covering your meal is not in the spirit of having guests!

@Miner49er

OK, so given that a percentage of people are prepared to give cash as a present, how much do you give? An amount per person attending, a token £20, or enough to cover your meal at the reception?

Whatever I would be happy to spend on a gift. I don't understand the "cover your plate" thing tbh.