Req money as wedding present

[kb16]

I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

It absolutely isn't correct to put no boxed gifts. That is extremely tacky.

People choose to pay 50 quid a head for a meal. That cost shouldn't be put into the guests.

Is the feel that weddings are transactional these days. Weddings cost to attend, that should be enough for any bride and groom. Have a cheaper wedding then pay for your own holiday.

Weddings are about celebrating your love. Attending them is to see that. Not to hand envelopes of cash over when the couple have most likely been together for years and already live together. It's weird.

Same as baby showers. Give me presents for having sex. Just no.

@Cookies47

16 pages of people who would rather buy people house gifts they have no need for than give a couple they love (who are probably paying £50 a head a meal) a small donation towards their honeymoon - a gift they'd much prefer. Wow. Baffling!

It really is @Cookies47

I just don’t get it.

I don’t think people nowadays need anything for a wedding present so they should say no gifts.

16 pages of people who would rather buy people house gifts ...

But surely very few have said they'd rather buy house gifts - most, in fact, have mentioned they know perfectly well they won't be needed and that they usually give cash/vouchers instead

What many have said they dislike is being asked for it

I don’t think people nowadays need anything for a wedding present so they should say no gifts.

Do you also turn up empty handed if you are invited round to someone's house for dinner?
Or a birthday party?

I bring a bottle of wine or two, but would be most surprised to be asked for a specific gift or money.

And when I got married and naming day we specifically said no gifts. It’s enough effort and expense to attend.

@Pukkatea

Honestly, if I got an invitation to a wedding and the gift info wasn't on it, I'd be annoyed at having to chase it up. Have some consideration for your guests and their time and convenience and stop dithering about with snooty old fashioned grandma etiquette with people who are supposed to be your nearest and dearest.

Same here!!

I can't believe some people don't think it's rude to HAVE a gift list, it's only rude to TELL people you have one 🤣🤣🤣 ridiculous and illogical

@lakesidesummer

I don’t think people nowadays need anything for a wedding present so they should say no gifts.

Do you also turn up empty handed if you are invited round to someone's house for dinner?
Or a birthday party?

You slip people an envelope of cash when you go over for a meal or a birthday party? Do they ask for this?

@Viviennemary

It absolutely isn't correct to put no boxed gifts. That is extremely tacky.

Why?  you have very bizarre notions of gift giving @Viviennemary can you tell us what IS appropriate to put on an invitation.

As an aside I really think all those saying how it's "tacky" to do X Y and Z sound like they'd throw the most dull weddings in the world

Because a dinner party and a wedding are the same thing better to compare with a birthday part where yes I'd give an envelope of cash. In fact I'd prefer it!

None of the anti-money-giving posters have answered yet about Greek wedding? I've been to one and it was SO much fun to pin notes to the bride. She ended up with about £2k attaches to her of course I'm sure lots of people would call my traditionalist friend a grabby bitch and would no doubt rather staple a toaster to her veil in a show of "well I've decided that's tacky so here have this shit you don't want"

You invite people. You do not request a gift boxed or not or money. Its rude. You wait till you are asked.

Ah MN makes me laugh. Cash - tacky. "John Lewis" gift list - totally fine.

I always give cash at weddings. Nobody wants 50 bloody presents.

@Viviennemary

You invite people. You do not request a gift boxed or not or money. Its rude. You wait till you are asked.

But why is it rude?

TBH I find it rude for the B&G to play coy with their friends and put nothing on the invitation, which means I have to chase up what they want. If guests are going to spend money anyway (and let's face it they all will) isn't it easier for the B&G just to be upfront about it rather than reply to 100 people saying they would prefer cash, because saying it once to everyone is RuDe

@TrustTheGeneGenie

Ah MN makes me laugh. Cash - tacky. "John Lewis" gift list - totally fine.

I always give cash at weddings. Nobody wants 50 bloody presents.

But you can't say "We have a gift list" and THAT WOULD BE RUDE.

However confirming you have a gift list is perfectly polite.

WTF are people on?!

Sigh. Not on the invitation. You wait till you're asked.

@Viviennemary

Sigh. Not on the invitation. You wait till you're asked.

Yes I understand what you believe is rude but you're not explaining why it's rude? Don't you think it's illogical to make people ask when you know they are going to want to know anyway?

@Viviennemary

Sigh. Not on the invitation. You wait till you're asked.

Why?

Are there any other obscure bits of etiquette we could all be educated about? You seem very sure you are the authority on this one.

Over the years there have been some great threads about wedding poems...and obviously "cancel the cheque"
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2630932-Post-wedding-message-please-help-me-what-the-hell-do-I-say

And my personal favourite...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2138616-Oh-do-I-have-a-new-low-in-wedding-poems-for-you

As you were people.

@WouldBeGood

I bring a bottle of wine or two, but would be most surprised to be asked for a specific gift or money.

As nice as it is, I would rather the money of you were my guest because most wine gives me... Let's just say bad reaction😂

This is exactly why I say people should just give money and not feel insulted if asked. It's a shame to waste stuff.

@SchrodingersImmigrant that was my answer to the dinner party question. Or should I bring money for my hosts?

All those complaining about funding someone's holiday do realise 'contribution to our honeymoon' is often just oh so polite code for 'prefer money to gifts but the wackos on mumsnet say I can't tell you that'.

I'll never understand how much people on here seem to hate everyone in their life. I would give a couple cash toward a wonderful honeymoon gladly because I like them and want them to have a nice time. If you can't afford it, don't.