Req money as wedding present

[kb16]

I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

We used a website called prezola where guests could buy particular items (we put them on - you can just make them up and the prices up too, we chose gifts at all different price ranges), and then you get all the money transferred to your bank account at the end to book whatever you like with (doesn’t actually have to be the things people have purchased).

So you deceived your guests into thinking they had purchased something specific, but that you had actually made up? Ye gods...now I've heard it all.

As for saying nothing and getting guests to ask the brides parents

My parents had nothing to do with my wedding, other than attend as guests. The wedding wasn't happening where they lived and they didn't know any of guests other than other family members.
I do think there are some very out of date ideas about how life is lived on this thread.

I've never bought a wedding present, it's always cash. In Ireland you don't even need to ask. The best man's job at the reception is to collect all the envelopes. The usual gift is €200 per couple. I wouldn't give a flying fuck if someone asked for money but I would laugh at a poem and probably give you less .

Just as many couples now have lived together before marrying and have ‘stuff’ so too many travel together frequently before marrying.

I just don’t understand why everyone should feel they need to pay for travel. A honeymoon isn’t what it used to be. I think the whole notion of having a holiday paid for by your wedding guests to be odd.

We used a website called prezola where guests could buy particular items (we put them on - you can just make them up and the prices up too, we chose gifts at all different price ranges), and then you get all the money transferred to your bank account at the end to book whatever you like with (doesn’t actually have to be the things people have purchased).

Oh FFS really? That is absolutely disgraceful

You would really look down on someone who tried to guide you away from wasting money getting them something they don't want?

So basically, asking for money.

Wtf is a Wedding Wishing Well? Do I have to go look it up?!

I wouldn’t, it seems tacky and grabby.

To everyone who says better money than gifts you don’t want...... IME 95% of people will give money or vouchers anyway.

I think it's cheeky to ask for money or even have a gift list unless you are asked first. Eg when a good friend of mine got married I asked what she wanted and she referred me to her gift list. Perfectly acceptable.

Also find to say you'd prefer money if people ask.

Sending gift list details or request for money not okay IMHO.

So you deceived your guests into thinking they had purchased something specific, but that you had actually made up? Ye gods...now I've heard it all.

I've been invited to a couple of weddings where there was a similar website. I didn't for a moment think I was actually buying them the sunset balloon ride or whatever, it was just a contribution to their honeymoon and a list of things they might choose to do on it. Totally fine by me.

For the love of God, don't do it. There’s nothing worse than a tacky, cheesy as fuck poem asking for money so you can have a holiday. Pay for your own holiday.
FWIW, I’m happy to give money if they couple don’t have a gift list. If they include a grabby note/poem, I GUARANTEE I give less than I would have had they not.

It is also very mono cultural to object to
giving cash.

I don’t think people are objecting to giving cash, just objecting to being asked for it.

I think if you’re asking for no gifts and want money then just say that without the poem. The poems are a bit cringe and I think people are a bit sick of them.

If you genuinely don’t expect gifts/money then ask for a donation to a charity. My friends did this as they had been together for years, had a house with everything they needed and felt cheeky asking others to pay for a holiday for them. They genuinely didn’t want money/presents though, I think most people who say they don’t actually would be shocked if people turned up without a gift/money.

@19lottie82

It is also very mono cultural to object to giving cash.

I don’t think people are objecting to giving cash, just objecting to being asked for it.

I cba to check the whole thread, but the first person who doesn't like giving cash per se was about halfway down the first page. And yes, it's very mono cultural.

We asked for money

But then we had only 10 guests! Who were all close family. So nobody minded.

Friend of mine did it and we happily gave money. Doesn't bother me

It's your day. I want to give you something YOU want. Rather than some random toaster which you won't ever use.

@FuzzyPuffling

Why?

However we didn't ask people for money

We only said if they asked us what we wanted

We got married because we love each other. We didn't want anything and decided to donate a portion to a charity that both me and my husband volunteer for

The rest did go towards a honeymoon.

Oh wait

No. Wouldn't put it on the invitation. No. I think that's quite distasteful.

The correct way to do this is have 'no boxed gifts' in small but noticeable print on the invitation. That is quite commonly done nowadays because so many people have all their bits and pieces. Of course, you might get nothing from some guests but most will be happy to give you some money, it's easier than going shopping.

No boxed gifts would confuse me, and I’d be thinking of things that don’t come in boxes, like booze or flowers,

The correct way to do this is have 'no boxed gifts' in small but noticeable print on the invitation.

There isn’t a correct way... this your opinion of how’s best to do it

Some people say "no gifts please" but some people would simply not give anything whilst it is supposed to mean give money instead

Honestly, if I got an invitation to a wedding and the gift info wasn't on it, I'd be annoyed at having to chase it up. Have some consideration for your guests and their time and convenience and stop dithering about with snooty old fashioned grandma etiquette with people who are supposed to be your nearest and dearest.

16 pages of people who would rather buy people house gifts they have no need for than give a couple they love (who are probably paying £50 a head a meal) a small donation towards their honeymoon - a gift they'd much prefer. Wow. Baffling!