Req money as wedding present

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I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

Don’t see anything wrong with it OP. Not sure it’s any more cheeky than when people send me a John Lewis list to pick from. I love giving money, it’s easy and you know that it will be put towards something the couple will actually want.

People don't usually let their children write or ring up everybody before Christmas and birthdays or any other specisl occasion saying they want money instead of presents. Or with a list. Or with a crass poem. No. They wait till they are asked what they would like., Why are weddings any different.

Mumsnet is so weird and sneery about people asking for money and you’ll definitely get someone saying they ignore requests for money and instead do something “personal” which basically translates to an incredibly naff personalised silver photo frame which doesn’t go with the B&G’s decor and they receive 10 of.

Agree!

Some people must think their gifts are so unique and thoughtful that they couldn’t possibly give money as the B&G just need to see the amazing thought that goes into their presents. Getting a present when the couple have asked for money is naff and rude if you ask me.

oh my god, Sorry, it is such an industry now.

But things have been curtailed a bit due to Covid thankfully.

@Viviennemary

People don't usually let their children write or ring up everybody before Christmas and birthdays or any other specisl occasion saying they want money instead of presents. Or with a list. Or with a crass poem. No. They wait till they are asked what they would like., Why are weddings any different.

No but people let their children write a list of gifts they want...

No different

@Viviennemary

People don't usually let their children write or ring up everybody before Christmas and birthdays or any other specisl occasion saying they want money instead of presents. Or with a list. Or with a crass poem. No. They wait till they are asked what they would like., Why are weddings any different.

Because they're (usually) a one off. And people are paying for guests to eat, drink and join in their celebrations. You are comparing apples with oranges.

I think it's ego on the part of the gift giver. I heard a thing about giving them something so they think of me when they use it etc... If rather give the happy couple something they actually want.

I'm always astounded at how much some gift givers make it about them - they get a present they think is nice (rather than what the recipient will actually want) and expect a hand written thank you on a specially bought ivory 400gsm card, embossed with Swarovski crystals and written in calligraphy in their best Parker pen. Because they got a photo frame.

I
Haaaaate
Poems

Just put an enveloppe as wedding suggestion

There is nothing worse then getting present for gifts. Because nowaways we already have everything. Plus. Buying something for someone else is so hard unless you have a gift register. But asking for a gift (which costs money....haha) is the same imo then asking for some cash.

So yeah ask for cash. Everyone does now. We are not in the 70s anymore when we married we moved out of our parental home and left with absolutely nothing to our name 🙂

I'd go so far as to suggest that parents who insist on pretending the invitations are from them is so that the guests know they have paid for it

Contrariwise, we've just paid for our daughter's wedding but the invitations were from them. I've really missed a trick there!
Gifts weren't mentioned on the invitation because it's not good manners. Don't people feel any embarrassment?
They did receive some very generous cash gifts totalling a substantial amount. I tend to think it would have been a lot less had they openly touted for cash gifts.

Back in the Day, the bride (and her mother) compiled a Wedding List. This was sent to people when they asked for it. Not with the wedding invitation.

That is what makes any request for money 'grabby'. Send out the invitations and wait till you're asked what you would like. Then, if all you really want is money (which I still don't like, but understand) ask for a donation towards XYZ. It is then up to the guest what they do about that.

That also saves the embarrassment of the naff poem.

Just put money in an evelope with card and wish them well.

I really don't get all the angst here at all about this. Are you all so tight and worried or what?

God help you all if there is no free bar. LOL.

First time around when I got married, wedding lists were still just about in fashion, but ours was at Argos with all gifts under £30. We were very grateful for our gifts as we were only just moving in together.

Second time I got married we were established in our own home with everything we needed, so I put a note in saying all we wanted was their company, but if they felt they wanted to gift anything, I listed three charities that they could donate to in honour of our wedding. Realistically we didn't need their money to furnish our home, and we had already booked and paid for our honeymoon ourselves.

On the day we got some cheques, some cash, and plenty of bottles! We also raised £1100 for the charities.

@Nanny0gg

Back in the Day, the bride (and her mother) compiled a Wedding List. This was sent to people when they asked for it. Not with the wedding invitation.

That is what makes any request for money 'grabby'. Send out the invitations and wait till you're asked what you would like. Then, if all you really want is money (which I still don't like, but understand) ask for a donation towards XYZ. It is then up to the guest what they do about that.

That also saves the embarrassment of the naff poem.

Surely these silly wedding "rules" only belong in a time when the couple would only be living together after marriage, the bride's parents would pay and therefore invite their friends, colleague's, clients (and the B&G could have a few mates at the evening do), wedding invitations would be sent by the bride's parents, and the bride tottered off early into the reception in a horrible cream suit and pillar box hat?

These days, couples usually pay for a wedding themselves, and invite their own friends, and stay at the reception until the end, and request for gifts with the invitation. We really shouldn't be clinging on to what used to be socially acceptable we need to move with the times.

I staggered at the offence caused on this issue. You're spending money on them anyway. Why wouldn't you just spend it in the format that the B&G want?!

@Nanny0gg

Back in the Day, the bride (and her mother) compiled a Wedding List. This was sent to people when they asked for it. Not with the wedding invitation.

That is what makes any request for money 'grabby'. Send out the invitations and wait till you're asked what you would like. Then, if all you really want is money (which I still don't like, but understand) ask for a donation towards XYZ. It is then up to the guest what they do about that.

That also saves the embarrassment of the naff poem.

Back in the day women weren't allowed to vote, children were married at 12 and men were forced into war.

Funnily enough things and customs change

On MN you can’t possibly ask for cash. In reality most people are happy to give cash

I always give cash at weddings nowadays. I wouldn't if I was asked for cash in the invitation though. Too grasping.

Indeed, cash is king now. Let the couple spend it as they wish.

But give something to them, as I am sure you will.

There is no need for a begging letter or poem anymore, most clued in people know what to do.

Far too much drama about this now.

I don’t mind a poem in a wedding invite tbh. I don’t understand the angst against it, each to their own.

There was a time when gifts were the norm but most couples these days have set up home, don’t need anything. Most guests want to give something to the bride & groom. A poem imo breaks down the silence of ‘what shall we do’ gift, money, etc and asks in a nice way rather than, we don’t need any tat, coffee, tea, sugar caddies, toasters or tea towels, just give us the money!

It’s a given that guests invited to a wedding want to give something, why not be guided in the invite.

@Daphnise

No poem, it's very lower class.

And don't say anything about cash for honeymoon.

People will give cash if they want, and for many it's what they prefer.

@Daphnise "very lower class"!??? Didn't realise we were living in the Victorian era. Very very rude comment to make.

Tbh it’s nice to know that a gift of money would be going to a honeymoon! I have nothing against knowing what the bride and groom would like, if it’s asked via a poem then so be it!

I just feel like

If people I like are getting married

I want to give them what they want

And that's that really.

I followed some MN rules on weddings when I had PND and it was a disaster.

OP do what you want. Your friends and family love you and want you to be happy. Anyone who says fuck them I'm not putting into eg the honeymoon which is an unforgettable one off, or a much needed new kitchen, or whatever, doesn't really like you, do they.

I wonder if the people saying "money is grabby" are older and don't properly realise that stuff nowadays is dirt cheap but both living costs and experiences are expensive

A lot of us are the ones paying for the bloody weddings! We know experiences are expensive! And living expenses? And living expenses? Do you think older people are exempt?

I would abide by a poem but twitch. At the poem, not the request.
I've had wedding invites with Bank account details in

I really don't care. Who would anyone not want to give the couple what they will actually appreciate? Seems weird to me.

If you feel the need to ask for cash, why not suggest a donation to your favourite charity?

You'd get a "sorry we've another event that day" by return of post. Then I'd go and see if we had or not.

Erm because they want the cash to spend on something they want or need, in lieu of 5 toasters.

What exactly is the objection to helping out a couple just married with an amazing honeymoon, new kitchen, house deposit etc.

I genuinely don't get it.