Req money as wedding present

[kb16]

I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

@AliTheMinx

I'm not a huge fan of asking just for money and don't like the cheesy poems that are sometimes sent out, although I can see why people would want money. Could you use one of those companies that let people pay for certain things on your honeymoon, if it's already booked (e.g. a spa treatment, meal out, champagne, airport lounge, etc)?

Wait, what's the difference?

One is giving money in a card or via bank transfer.

The other is using a card to pay the same amount of money for something the guests will never see or be part of.

Why is one rude and one not?

It's totally fine to state a preference on the invite. People are coming because they love you and would like to know what you'd actually like to receive. Everyone brings a gift to a wedding and money is easiest.

If B+G said nothing, would you give nothing and still attend?

Wait, what's the difference?

One is giving money in a card or via bank transfer.

The other is using a card to pay the same amount of money for something the guests will never see or be part of.

Why is one rude and one not?

I really want someone to explain this! Someone else said asking for John Lewis vouchers was fine but asking for cash was grabby and rude but has yet to explain why money as paper banknotes is rude but money as paper or plastic vouchers is totally different. It's such bollocks.

If B+G said nothing, would you give nothing and still attend?

If I got an invitation with no indication of what they want as a present I'd be sending a text saying "Anything specific or will cash do?" (Because I'm not a pearl clutching weirdo). I would never not get them a gift.

We didn't say anything about presents. 4 people gave gifts (with a gift receipt), the rest gave cash/bank transfer. I have only ever given cash at weddings. I thought that was the norm!

Of course you expect gifts at your wedding but it's a bit trashy to request specific gifts. Just leave it and I bet most people will give money.

@yolio

Wedding invitations are generally greeeted with "how do I get out of this shit up a mountain 500 miles away, and the cost of it for me and my family.

The gift is irrelevant. But do put a few bob in an envelope whether attending or not, do not be tight.

The pain and cost is usually on the guests! Isn't that true?

Only because of attitudes like yours.

@DappledThings totally agree!!

The best ones are people who say that cash is rude but gift lists aren't.

Which is annoying as the cash amount is MY choice. However if you aren't quick you end up getting lumbered with the expensive and shit stuff from the gift list

Of course I give a gift or money. But I am not being told in an invitation what I am required to do.

I haven’t read the Full thread (Sorry) but this issue is one of those funny ones where most people going to a wedding will bring a gift even if the bride and groom say “no gifts” or say nothing - but if the b & g say via poem or otherwise that if people really want to give a gift cash is best/have a gift list of golden toasters then they’re vile and grabby
The best thing to do Imo is say nothing about gifts
Guests will either give cash because they can’t think of a gift you need or want, give you a gift you’d actually want Because they know you well enough, ask you or people close to you what you’d like and spread the word among other guests that cash is best or just buy you a weird toaster you can sell or regift.
Personally I’ve had two invites where cash was suggested (not requested) as a gift for the honeymoons and neither couple ended up going on a honeymoon- but if they used the money to pay their leccy bill or whatever then that’s up to them.

@Viviennemary

Of course I give a gift or money. But I am not being told in an invitation what I am required to do.

Why not? Don't you want your loved ones to have something they actually want?

GlummyMcGlummerson

I would just give cash or cheque. Surely you know this. No text at all. Presents and gifts are largely gone now anyway. Thanks for your response anyway.

@Viviennemary

Of course I give a gift or money. But I am not being told in an invitation what I am required to do.

No, you're not. You are being requested to do something. Same as your presence is requested, not demanded.

Providing a suggestion of what would be most appreciated as a gift is no ruder than inviting you in the first place.

UK weddings sound something or other, and they all end at 11 o'clock.

WTF.

Puritans.

@yolio

GlummyMcGlummerson

I would just give cash or cheque. Surely you know this. No text at all. Presents and gifts are largely gone now anyway. Thanks for your response anyway.

A text in case they have a specific voucher in mind for example. Im not afraid of texting a dear friend or family member!

I don't think it's grasping or greedy to want money. Most people nowadays have lived together before marriage and don't require their 'bottom drawer' to be kitted out by gifts!

Having said that, I think poems are naff as anything. We didn't put anything about gifts on our invitations. We still got vouchers and money which embarrassed me, I didn't want anything. I really should have put that on.

I did get over it and spent it though!

I really enjoyed this thread, so many different views including my own. And not much awful stuff in retort either.

Great not to hear the Covid Word mentioned, what a bonus.

Must be worth a 100 quid as a present to a small wedding all the same! (if you cannot attend due to restrictions). Win win.

I ALWAYS give money anyway as a wedding gift. Poems are cringey. We didnt put anything as we didnt want presents as we had our house and family. The large majority gave cash. Had a few photo frames and some bottles of champagne vouchers for restaurants and appreciated everything.

There seems to be a bit of an issue with UK guests putting more than 20 pounds in an envelope.

God almighty. But each to their own.

Am loving the people on this thread who loudly proclaim that asking for money is vulgar but that they received money from guests at their wedding and that is fine.

Why is it vulgar to ask for money but not to receive it?

I'd rather give a decent monetary gift and and stay at home lol.

It is not always about the wedding party, lol,

I'm not good at buying presents.

Gift lists are great as then I can get something I know they want.

Cash is also great as I'd rather they have an amazing holiday of a lifetime/ new kitchen that they will remember and be grateful for than some random gifts that they don't want or need and mine would be shite because, bad at buying presents.

I think it's ego on the part of the gift giver. I heard a thing about giving them something so they think of me when they use it etc... If rather give the happy couple something they actually want.

It's a really interesting thing. Also it's about what's normal in your friendship group/ area. Do people get arsey about Greek weddings where cash is expected?

Also maybe a good way of working out who actually likes you?

If they aren't interested in giving what will be best for you at your own wedding then they don't really like you much, do they.

@kb16

I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon. Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky! I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows! What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

Honestly?? I would be wondering how many people were invited and working out how much they might expect to get !

I hate money requests for occasions like these. Christening presents to help pay for child's education when the parents are already minted is another one.

Tacky

Any mention of gift preferences, unless someone asks you directly, is beyond tacky. People will remember the poem more than anything else about a wedding if one is sent with the invitation.