Req money as wedding present

[kb16]

I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

@BessMarvin herself of course. As only those from the 50's do this

Oh it's an outdated sexist thing. Should have realised.

By the time we were sending invites, all my far-flung family had been nagging my mum wanting to know either where my list was registered or my bank details. Putting the info with the invitation was only making sure they got the info they wanted.

I wonder if the people saying "money is grabby" are older and don't properly realise that stuff nowadays is dirt cheap but both living costs and experiences are expensive. Giving a toaster isn't generous now that they cost less than a pint!

Just as bad as sending out a wedding gift wish list. I hate it. People don’t get married for gifts and money and I purposely wouldn’t give any if they requested.

@yolio

Some British people are so tight. It has to be the worst traight in a person.

I understand if people are in difficult circumstances, but you don't go to a wedding then do you? Despite what many think, few will miss us.

What a horrible attitude. I'd be ashamed of myself if anyone thought it would be better to miss my wedding than not bring a gift. I'd hope the people I care about know me better than that.

You don't put anything in the invitation about gifts. You WAIT till you are asked. It's called good manners

This ^^

I never quite understand why some pretend guidance is needed about a gift, when we all know perfectly well that most give money these days and that the "endless phone calls" are largely a myth

Just send the invites saying nothing about gifts and brief the family for the very few who might ask - that way you'll get your money anyway and nobody's offended

@ShakeaHettyFeather

By the time we were sending invites, all my far-flung family had been nagging my mum wanting to know either where my list was registered or my bank details. Putting the info with the invitation was only making sure they got the info they wanted.

I wonder if the people saying "money is grabby" are older and don't properly realise that stuff nowadays is dirt cheap but both living costs and experiences are expensive. Giving a toaster isn't generous now that they cost less than a pint!

Indeed. We all live in all inclusive care homes...

And telling folk their hard earned money paid for your experience over the Grand Canyon whdn their holiday might have been a run down caravan in Bognor Regis. How crass is that

Couldn't agree more.

Pages of advice but nothing back from the OP. I think we can assume that she is as grabby as Fuck and won't be back because so many people have told her how grasping and greedy she and her DP are

I am actually shocked at some of the responses on this thread. People actually calculating costs per guest and then expecting cash from them

In that case you'd have loved a guy I know's comment to his bride to be:

"We'll ask for cash because they'd only spend about £20 on a lousy present and that way they'll give us more"

@Londonmummy66

Pages of advice but nothing back from the OP. I think we can assume that she is as grabby as Fuck and won't be back because so many people have told her how grasping and greedy she and her DP are

Or she's happy with the plenty of other responses that don't think she's grabby in the least.

You’ll get people that say it’s rude/cheeky etc but I’ve been to weddings that have had similar in the invite and I wouldn’t think anything of it.

It’s no ‘cheekier’ than sending out of a wish list from a department store etc

We don’t like in the 70’s where we marry first then move in. Most couples already live together so don’t need 4 toasters and 3 cutlery sets.

People would spend the same amount anyway but if takes the stress out of what to get the happy couple.

Everything is so expensive these days. Even 20 years ago you had more chance of buying a property earlier than these days. So many couples have to rent. So I would target the money go towards something worthwhile and that would help the couple, Instead of moaning and saying how ‘rude’ they are

It’s not like people write off you don’t give us cash- you’re not invited’!!

live in the 70’s

@Londonmummy66

Pages of advice but nothing back from the OP. I think we can assume that she is as grabby as Fuck and won't be back because so many people have told her how grasping and greedy she and her DP are

What a lovely person you sound. I simply asked advice on a controversial but common request when it comes to a wedding, I have never once said my opinion I simply asked others. Nothing what I have said qualifies the response you have just given and resorting to name calling, I'd much rather seek opinions and take them on board as numerous people have said it's the done thing,the weddings I have been invited to mostly have put it on their invite but I've never been married before so have no experience on what's appropriate and what's not which is why I asked, I expected mixed responses but not abuse, but people like you are nasty and unnecessary tbh, You can make all this judgement on me by 1 post but at least I'm not an internet troll like you.

Wedding invitations are generally greeeted with "how do I get out of this shit up a mountain 500 miles away, and the cost of it for me and my family.

The gift is irrelevant. But do put a few bob in an envelope whether attending or not, do not be tight.

The pain and cost is usually on the guests! Isn't that true?

@yolio

Wedding invitations are generally greeeted with "how do I get out of this shit up a mountain 500 miles away, and the cost of it for me and my family.

The gift is irrelevant. But do put a few bob in an envelope whether attending or not, do not be tight.

The pain and cost is usually on the guests! Isn't that true?

How awful to think of wedding invites like that

I don't know anyone who has dreaded attending a wedding.

@FuzzyPuffling

Personal view.. I loathe requests for money as a wedding present. I especially loathe money to pay for a honeymoon. I especially, REALLY loathe poems requesting the above.

You'd have hated my invitations then 😂

OP I requested money by way of a poem and it went down well (I think) - people listened and indeed gave us money. It's no more cheekier than having a registry full of expensive gifts.

It is extremely rude to request anything in an invitation. Whether it's money, present lists, poems, dosh for your luxury honeymoon or whatever. It's rude.

Many people are not wedding people. And dear love many would just love to stay home. is there anything so wrong with that.

Think the expense, the kids being minded, the outfits needed. I suppose it depends on your outgoings, but still. It is a lot of money for one day.

@Viviennemary why is it rude?

@Viviennemary

It is extremely rude to request anything in an invitation. Whether it's money, present lists, poems, dosh for your luxury honeymoon or whatever. It's rude.

No it isn't.

I'm not a huge fan of asking just for money and don't like the cheesy poems that are sometimes sent out, although I can see why people would want money. Could you use one of those companies that let people pay for certain things on your honeymoon, if it's already booked (e.g. a spa treatment, meal out, champagne, airport lounge, etc)?

Cheeky and a poem makes it a million times worse

No poem but totally fine to ask for cash. mnetters often like to be reverse snobby about weddings and get their knickers in a twist.

I'm happy to give cash (because I like my friends!) I normally get physical notes and coins in the honeymoon destination currency and make sure it's in small amounts so super handy for tips at an all inc/can rides. I had some friends do that for me which was so useful when the only cash machine on the island closed!

Wait, the B&G have to WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO ASK FOR THEIR GIFT LIST WTF is this nonsensical Hyacinth Bucket bullshit? Silly rules to follow otherwise your loved ones who just want to celebrate their love are branded as grabby and rude - but if they do EXACTLY THE SAME THING (but in a different way) they're not grabby and rude?

If they wait for guests to ask anyway, why not just make it easier for everyone by putting the gift details in the invitation, saving the hassle of the guests asking?

It's just ridiculous to-ing and fro-ing wasting everyone's time for the sake of nOT beINg RUde.

It's like those numpties who abide to old stupid wedding rules like "don't remove your hat at the wedding breakfast until the mother of the bride removes hers". Even if they're at the point of passing out because it's August and the meal is in a 45 degree conservatory, and the mother of the bride can't remove her hat because it's been pinned in by the hairdresser. So everyone is uncomfortable, but at least they're not being rude as defined by the Housewives' Book of Etiquette 1945.

Listen - if you give a shit about the way people ask for gifts you're gonna buy anyway, or if you refuse to abide by their polite request because you have old fashioned ideals and what's "rude" and what's not, if you think vouchers are fine but asking for cash is akin to drowning kittens, then you're a bit of a thick twat and should probably stay at home on the wedding day and not spoil other people's fun.