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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have bought DS these trainers for school?

274 replies

AveAtqueVale · 18/08/2020 22:17

DS showed them to SIL on FaceTime earlier and once he'd gone she gave me and DH a massive lecture about how he'll be teased and bullied for such girly shoes. Tbh I'd thought they were fairly unisex? They fit the school brief of 'mainly white,' and his teacher's brief of 'please no laces' anyway. Is purple now off limits to boys as well as pink?! Confused He's six, he likes shiny things, and picked these himself out of 3 or 4 pairs I showed him.

I've been stewing on this all evening (clearly). To clarify, I'm not actually worried he'll be bullied. Just more wondering if my judgement is totally skewed!

To have bought DS these trainers for school?
To have bought DS these trainers for school?
OP posts:
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5
NearlyGranny · 19/08/2020 10:18

He's six! He has six year old feet and six year old taste and he chose them. Why lock him into business suit colours and thinking at six? What's the difference at six - is he going to be fastening the velcro with his six year old penis or scrotum? No, with his six year old hands. So sex doesn't come into it. They're shoes. He likes them. End of.

Tell him they're purple power ranger shoes if you're concerned he might be teased, or rainbow rocket shoes or something. 🙄

shinyredbus · 19/08/2020 10:23

They are on the ‘girly’ side but if he wants it - and you’re ok with it - who cares. He’s happy.

angelfishrock · 19/08/2020 10:26

I would assume these are girl's shoes. Seeing he is only 6 and he will outgrow th quickly, I would just let him use it. But there are plenty of white non girly trainers to pick from moving forward.

zingally · 19/08/2020 10:27

At first I thought these were for a teenager... I was "hmm... pretty girly!" But if he's 6, it's totally fine! The other kids won't even notice, and if they do, they won't say anything.

When I was that age, I moved schools at an odd time of year, and mum had to suddenly get me a lunch box (I'd had hot school dinners previously, but my new school didn't offer them). I ended up with a dark grey lunchbox with the A-Team on it, that my mum had grabbed, in a pinch, from a charity shop! I thought it was boy-ish, but I don't remember any of my little friends ever commenting.

YourObedientServant · 19/08/2020 10:37

*Have a word with yourself.

If he chose them himself fine, he will wear them with pride. But don’t think children think like adults do. By six most of them are brainwashed by tv adverts and have clear ideas of what’s ‘boys’ and ‘girls’.

I hate stereotypes as I’ve said up thread but I wouldn’t expect my dc to champion my views especially in school where I know it can be a harsh environment. I taught sport for ten years in Europe’s biggest council estate. Kids can be little sods when their parents are not around.

If he picked the shoes out and is happy with them - good on him*

So if your DC pick on another child for choosing shoes for the 'wrong' gender, that's just kids being kids and they're doing so because they've been brainwashed by TV?

You're saying you don't like stereotypes but you're not teaching your own children to challenge them. I am. I actually do expect my children to 'champion my views' when those views are tolerance and kindness and not being a bullying little shit.

Purpleice · 19/08/2020 10:46

I would be happier as a parent if he’d chosen the shoes to either wear outside school, or when he’s old enough to challenge stereotypes. It’s not a skill I’d want to put on the shoulders of a six year old. How many adult males would be confident and happy wearing those trainers to do their group sporting activities?

Trashtara · 19/08/2020 10:52

@endofthetether

They’re not white!
Yes they are! The sole, 'leather' upper and fabric upper are white. The shiny bit is a iridescent shimmering lilac. There are lilac and purple tags on the tongue and heel. The laces and velcro strap are white.

Other than the shiny bit and the tags - what's not white?

The OP is saying they are white except the shiny bit, and she has them physically in her hand!

Chezacheza · 19/08/2020 11:19

@YourObedientServant

*Have a word with yourself.

If he chose them himself fine, he will wear them with pride. But don’t think children think like adults do. By six most of them are brainwashed by tv adverts and have clear ideas of what’s ‘boys’ and ‘girls’.

I hate stereotypes as I’ve said up thread but I wouldn’t expect my dc to champion my views especially in school where I know it can be a harsh environment. I taught sport for ten years in Europe’s biggest council estate. Kids can be little sods when their parents are not around.

If he picked the shoes out and is happy with them - good on him*

So if your DC pick on another child for choosing shoes for the 'wrong' gender, that's just kids being kids and they're doing so because they've been brainwashed by TV?

You're saying you don't like stereotypes but you're not teaching your own children to challenge them. I am. I actually do expect my children to 'champion my views' when those views are tolerance and kindness and not being a bullying little shit.

How on earth do you know what I’m teaching my own children? Get a grip. I’m telling you from experience of being a sports teacher to kids that they can be harsh and super critical - especially when mummy and daddy are not watching them.

If a child picks something that is considered to be outside the norms and totally loves and rocks it with confidence - amazing.

But I’ve seen children being very self conscious over what their parents have sent them in and it does effect their enjoyment of the lesson.

Believe it or not - that’s my own experience of it. I always ask my kids if they like something before I buy it because being told by an adult - ‘dont be ridiculous just wear it’ still isn’t nice for a six year old if they really don’t like it.

steppemum · 19/08/2020 11:24

@Ameliablue

I feel like I am looking at totally different pictures to most of the other commenters. They are mainly white with a bit of psychedelic and blue highlights. Don't see them as girly at all.
I totally agree. I have been back and looked at the pictures a dozen time. They are just trainers! they aren't girly, they look like pale trainers, with some coloured flashes.

is this like the white and gold dress? I can't see any pink.

he is 6. All this 'kids can be cruel' os actually crap. Most kids don't care, and most kids at 6 are massively more tolerant than all the shameful bigots on here.

steppemum · 19/08/2020 11:29

My son was given a bike by his couson, when we had just arrived back in UK after living abroad. It was pink.
he had a choice of a smaller Bob the Builder bike with stabilisers, or this bigger one with no stabilisers.
he was in reception and rolde it to school. the big boys said - that's a girl's bike.
he said - Yes BUT it doesn't have stabilisers and look I can ride it!
they all went - Oh yeah, that's cool. Discussion closed.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 19/08/2020 11:35

DS would've worn them. He had an addidas school bag up to P7 that was navy with pink stripes. No one cared or even commented and it was a bog standard primary in a shit town. If your son likes them then all is good.

endofthetether · 19/08/2020 11:55

@Trashtara Really?

To have bought DS these trainers for school?
LynetteScavo · 19/08/2020 12:00

@YourObedientServant

For Christ's sake.

If you are a grown adult saying these are 'girly shoes' not to be worn by a six year old who chose them himself, YOU are part of the problem.

Have a fucking word with yourself, and your kids, since they will almost certainly be the ones doing the bullying.

This. Totally
Hoppinggreen · 19/08/2020 12:00

well I dont have a 6 year old so I am pretty sure my dc wont be bullying OP's son about his choice of "girly" trainers
Of course it would be great if children could wear whatever they feel comfortable in and no other children commented and if any child of mine DID bully another for that reason I wouldnt allow it BUT its not the case. Other dc in this boys class WILL comment, its a fact and while the teachers shouldnt allow it it WILL happen
If Op (and her son) are happy to take that risk then fine but pretending it wont happen or that a 6 year old wont care is very naive.

Angelina82 · 19/08/2020 12:01

They are pretty girly but your DS likes them so does it really matter? As for bullying, I doubt very much that a fellow 6yr old will give his trainers a second glance (that comes later) let alone tease him for them. Tell your SIL to MHOB.

Trashtara · 19/08/2020 12:02

[quote endofthetether]@Trashtara Really?[/quote]
Yes. What do you see?

To be fair, I never saw the colour changing dress or the last pair of trainers or whenever those things go round!

bridgetreilly · 19/08/2020 12:06

If he likes the shininess, OP, let him wear the trainers. They're perfectly fine.

And to be honest, even if they were bright pink and shiny with mermaids on, it would be better to let him know that IT IS PERFECTLY FINE for boys to wear them, than for him to end up being another tragic case of a child's life being ruined by transgender activism, rather than admit that gender stereotypes are crap.

LadyCatStark · 19/08/2020 12:06

Well DS was picked on (by girls) in reception for wearing black socks with a neon pink trim and black boxers with a neon pink trim (when getting changed for PE) so unfortunately, yes, I do think your DS will be picked on for these trainers sorry.

Trashtara · 19/08/2020 12:07

@endofthetether

Yellow squiggles are what I see as white, red squiggles are what I see as not white (purple or shiny holographic lilac).

To have bought DS these trainers for school?
Alwaysoutofreach · 19/08/2020 12:12

I think your SIL is right.
Nothing to do with colour, or being girly, they are just horrible. (for my liking)

But if your DS chose them, and is happy with them, that's all that matters.

randomsabreuse · 19/08/2020 12:14

The thing that most makes them look "girly" to me is that they are mostly white, probably because girls are socialised to keep their shoes nice and white while we assume boys will be playing in the mud...

Obviously being white or mostly is non optional, so can't be changed. I think the only sport where players routinely wear white trainers is Tennis at Wimbledon (rules) and probably Cricket.

Done a fair amount of sport, no one in my running club judges the colour of shoes other than someone with obviously new pale shoes will get jokes about christening them on a trail night... My main sport has limited shoe choices (small sport) but it's all about fit/comfort not style. Nike is always bright - both sexes have worn the neon pink iirc.

fuckingcovid · 19/08/2020 12:15

6 and 7 years olds are fairly accepting of this type of thing. They are all big softies in DSs class. DS would play with the girls all day 😂

NearlyGranny · 19/08/2020 12:16

If anyone does say he's wearing girls' shoes, all he has to be prepared to say is, "Don't be silly. They're my shoes. Look, they're on my feet!"

MojoJojo71 · 19/08/2020 12:25

‘I would assume they were girls shoes’

But they are on the feet of a boy so they are his shoes - simple really

MojoJojo71 · 19/08/2020 12:26

Oh and as for ‘kids can be cruel’ how about we concentrate on teaching them not to be instead of encouraging others to conform in order to ‘fit in’