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Original poster

To have bought DS these trainers for school?

274 replies

AveAtqueVale · 18/08/2020 22:17

DS showed them to SIL on FaceTime earlier and once he'd gone she gave me and DH a massive lecture about how he'll be teased and bullied for such girly shoes. Tbh I'd thought they were fairly unisex? They fit the school brief of 'mainly white,' and his teacher's brief of 'please no laces' anyway. Is purple now off limits to boys as well as pink?! Confused He's six, he likes shiny things, and picked these himself out of 3 or 4 pairs I showed him.

I've been stewing on this all evening (clearly). To clarify, I'm not actually worried he'll be bullied. Just more wondering if my judgement is totally skewed!

To have bought DS these trainers for school?
To have bought DS these trainers for school?
OP posts:
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5
Trashtara · 19/08/2020 09:33

Who cares if they are boys or girls?

All this genering of clothes makes the whole tran issue so much worse! Boys can wear whatever the like, as can girls. The clothes you like and wear and not what makes you a boy or a girl.

DS loves pink and shiny things, he would love those trainers. He is currently wearing trainers with a rainbow and sparkles on. He loves them. He told me a boy at holiday club told him they were girls trainer and DS just responded with "yeah and they're really cool" which apparently stopped the little boy from saying anything else. So people may mention something but it doesn't mean its bad.

DappledThings · 19/08/2020 09:35

YABU buying them to meet the 'mainly white' criteria. There's no white on them at all.

A few people have said this. It's fascinating and is the blue/gold dress all over again. I see entirely white with a a bot of coloured trim. They don't look grey to me at all.

Aragog · 19/08/2020 09:41

When buying trainers once you get to the slightly bigger sizes most fashion branded trainers are just unisex anyway, and seem to come in a variety of shades.

terriblyangryattimes · 19/08/2020 09:42

If he chose them and likes them then let him wear them! My son is a very stereotypical rough and tumble boy and his favourite colours are purple and pink- so he often gravitates towards them when given the choice. He is 5.5 and as far as I am aware nobody has ever said anything to him about it at school!

anothernamereally · 19/08/2020 09:43

@FortunesFave

All this fucking 'girls shoes' nonsense.

Ridiculous.

I swear it's PARENTS who are holding back equality.

This ^ - they're shoes for gods sake and ime 6 year olds don't care - they learn that they 'should care' as they get older and try to fit in to social norms. But then my young boys wear leggings and sometimes nail polish (shock horror)
ClinkyMonkey · 19/08/2020 09:44

I agree that this thread is depressing. I mentioned upthread that I have 2 DS's, one of whom would choose trainers like those and the other whose voice I can hear right now saying 'No way. Those are for girls'. I did not teach him to view the world in this way, but gender stereotypes are everywhere - in school, on TV and even in homes where parents do their best to keep things neutral. DP's grandparents would be the first people to say those trainers are girly. And say it right to my child's face. I can challenge this, but it has been placed in my child's head. He can listen to me telling him that his grandparents are wrong and he can even agree with me. But then he will hear it somewhere else .... and somewhere else. And it all digs its way into his brain, reinforcing stereotypes. My eldest would just say 'I don't care. I like them' and off he'd trot. But my 8 yo would be influenced by these views and, while he might shrug them off at the time, would later refuse to wear something because of what other people have said. I love that my eldest son doesn't give two hoots, but completely understand why my youngest is more swayed by the views of other people.

A poster even mentioned that the shape of the trainers makes them look like they are for girls. How so? They are trainers. For running around in. To say they are some special shape for girls is bizarre. They all come out of the same 'shaker maker' mould in the factory.

No wonder there's an epidemic of children questioning their 'gender' if these are the attitudes being handed down to them.

Mintjulia · 19/08/2020 09:44

They’re fine, your ds likes them and I really can’t see a bunch of 6yo boys worrying about them.

I think your sil is the one with issues, not you or your son. How very small minded.

Chezacheza · 19/08/2020 09:44

Well it depends if he likes them or not. Did he choose them? Would he have picked them for himself?

As an ex sports teacher, if I’d have asked for no laces these would irritate me because even though they are stretchy laces that you don’t tie from first glance they look like laces. So I’d have to double check, then other kids may start wearing laces and say ‘but so and so has laces or someone’s mum would write a note or ring the school to say so and so has laces why can’t mine. Yes that really does happen.

Also regarding the overall look of the shoe, the pearlescent does make it a more feminine shoe. Now I hate gender stereo types and championship anyone to wear what the fuck they like as an adult I can confidently stand firm with that but sometimes kids can’t especially if they have got idiots in the group taking the piss and school really isn’t a place to make you child battle gender stereotypes - if they don’t want to. School can be a harsh environment at the best of times.

If he chose them and loves them then it’s all good.

SandyDays · 19/08/2020 09:45

It's strange how colour has such an effect and yet when it comes to football boots it doesn't seem to be such an issue. My son has been through many pairs and each season he and his team mates turn up with different designs. Pic below of some from Nike this season

To have bought DS these trainers for school?
MaybeMaybeNotJ · 19/08/2020 09:48

This seriously annoys me. My son gets criticism for anything “girly”. He has a big sister, he just likes things she likes sometimes.

Let him wear what he likes and if they bully him let them accept the consequences. It’s not his problem if other children could potentially have an issue. Let’s live in hope!
( well aware I may have rose tinted glasses here as my kids haven’t started school yet).

Hoppinggreen · 19/08/2020 09:51

Firstly they arent appropriate for school as they have too much of another colour on and secondly he will probably get told hes wearing "girls shoes" by his classmates. I wish that wasn't true but it is.
If you think he will cope with that then fine but I wouldnt risk it if it were my son
Maybe keep them for use at home?

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 19/08/2020 09:55

@scubadive

They are girls shoes and yes purple as well as pink is deemed a girly colour, especially lilac. Sadly it’s just tge way it is. Can you take them back?
Why should she?

Her kid loves them and is excited about wearing them.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 19/08/2020 09:56

How do people know kids will comment considering they don't have the guts to stray from the norm or allow their children to do it?

Hippofrog · 19/08/2020 09:57

Kids are so cruel even at 6!! I wouldn’t have put my son in those for that reason.

Chezacheza · 19/08/2020 09:57

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

How do people know kids will comment considering they don't have the guts to stray from the norm or allow their children to do it?
I taught sports to school kids for ten years. ‘Banter’ can be very harsh
YourObedientServant · 19/08/2020 09:57

For Christ's sake.

If you are a grown adult saying these are 'girly shoes' not to be worn by a six year old who chose them himself, YOU are part of the problem.

Have a fucking word with yourself, and your kids, since they will almost certainly be the ones doing the bullying.

endofthetether · 19/08/2020 10:02

@AveAtqueVale

DS showed them to SIL on FaceTime earlier and once he'd gone she gave me and DH a massive lecture about how he'll be teased and bullied for such girly shoes. Tbh I'd thought they were fairly unisex? They fit the school brief of 'mainly white,' and his teacher's brief of 'please no laces' anyway. Is purple now off limits to boys as well as pink?! Confused He's six, he likes shiny things, and picked these himself out of 3 or 4 pairs I showed him.

I've been stewing on this all evening (clearly). To clarify, I'm not actually worried he'll be bullied. Just more wondering if my judgement is totally skewed!

Well, they’re not mainly white thanks to the sole and the decoration.

They’re mainly lilac.

Absolutely a boy could wear them, of course he could. But they’re not suitable for school.

FelicityPike · 19/08/2020 10:02

Ridiculous! There are no colours that boys “aren’t allowed”....just pathetic, small minded, rude, ignorant people!
Nothing wrong with his new shoes.

endofthetether · 19/08/2020 10:04

They’re not white!

To have bought DS these trainers for school?
DappledThings · 19/08/2020 10:05

@endofthetether

They’re not white!
Woh. That's weird. They look a totally different colour in your inserted picture than they do in the OP even though it's the same picture.
Chezacheza · 19/08/2020 10:11

@YourObedientServant

For Christ's sake.

If you are a grown adult saying these are 'girly shoes' not to be worn by a six year old who chose them himself, YOU are part of the problem.

Have a fucking word with yourself, and your kids, since they will almost certainly be the ones doing the bullying.

Have a word with yourself.

If he chose them himself fine, he will wear them with pride. But don’t think children think like adults do. By six most of them are brainwashed by tv adverts and have clear ideas of what’s ‘boys’ and ‘girls’.

I hate stereotypes as I’ve said up thread but I wouldn’t expect my dc to champion my views especially in school where I know it can be a harsh environment. I taught sport for ten years in Europe’s biggest council estate. Kids can be little sods when their parents are not around.

If he picked the shoes out and is happy with them - good on him

Jamhandprints · 19/08/2020 10:12

I think they're fine. My son loves shiny things and has never been teased. If your son likes them that's fine. Kids are not actually that cruel these days they are quite understanding and a lot less "pink for girls, blue for boys".
My son liked My Little Ponies at that age and yes, there was one boy who said "they're for girls" but nobody agreed with him and my son didnt care.

Annist · 19/08/2020 10:14

Those are stereotypical girls shoes. Because I can see that doesn't mean I condone someone being bullied for it. Trying to not dress your boy in girls clothes to avoid bullying doesn't mean you think it's the victims fault. If people are happy to put their 6 year olds in that position then fine. That's their choice. Personally I wouldn't. I wouldn't have shown him those shoes as a choice but I don't routinely go through the girls section with my son. I assume SILs comment came from a place of concern.

Infullbloom · 19/08/2020 10:15

White trainers for school is the most ridiculous dress code I've heard of. Surely they'll be trashed in no time.

Aragog · 19/08/2020 10:15

Endofthetether

On your image of then they don't look white, you're right.
I was going from the OP's I ages where that some looks like a darker shade of white. In yours it is very definitely lilac or purple.

If they are definitely the same shoe and they don't come in more than one colourway then yes - they are are not mainly white.

Mind you, my comment regarding my school still stands. At my infant school a six year old boy wearing these wouldn't get grief from other children about them.