To have bought DS these trainers for school?

[AveAtqueVale]

DS showed them to SIL on FaceTime earlier and once he'd gone she gave me and DH a massive lecture about how he'll be teased and bullied for such girly shoes. Tbh I'd thought they were fairly unisex? They fit the school brief of 'mainly white,' and his teacher's brief of 'please no laces' anyway. Is purple now off limits to boys as well as pink?! He's six, he likes shiny things, and picked these himself out of 3 or 4 pairs I showed him.

I've been stewing on this all evening (clearly). To clarify, I'm not actually worried he'll be bullied. Just more wondering if my judgement is totally skewed!

They just look like trainers to me. I can't see anything girlish or boyish about them, they're neutral.

He likes these shoes. He wears these shoes. Then teach him about owning your colors and that there arent boy/girl colors

.All pps saying that these are girl colors and/or shoes for girls, are parents of kids that keep the whole 'inequality between genders' allive.

It's nothing to do with inequality in genders the people who wouldn't put them on a boy are aware that boys can and do get teased for having girlish things.

I ordered a pair of joggers on line for DS2, except the rainbow colours down the sides were sparkly it wasn't clear online. DS1 looked at them in horror - Who are they for?? Even he said you can't put him in those.

@Blackbear19 why couldn't you?

How can you say "Boys can and do get teased for having girlish things" and "It's nothing to do with inequality in genders" in the same response and not see the irony?

Why are boys so much more vulnerable to teasing for wearing "girlish things" than girls are for wearing "boy's stuff" do you think? Could it be something to do with girlish things be consider lesser?

Why is the worst thing a boy could be is a little like a girl?

^^Not that this has anything to do with the trainers in question which are unisex.

Its nothing to do with being lesser. It's just men and boys don't wear things that are particularly girly.
Just the same as women don't wear things that are particularly manly. Out with school women don't wear collar and tie, men don't wear dresses.

And yes I'd say those trainers are girly with girls colours and sparkly.

He’s 6 and these are the shoes he chose. Really sad that people are projecting their insecurities and internalised misogyny on your son. They look lovely and he should rock them with pride.

@Trashtara the only white bits I see are the mesh and tongue. The sole is lilac, the bit above it is an off-white/cream and the holographic bit is, well, holographic.

@Blackbear19 it is everything to do with being lesser.

Women wear trousers, they wear jeans, they wear suits - all things that started off life as manly. And that's ok.

Girl's can be tomboys , and that's cool. What are the words we use to describe a boy who likes things marked as feminine? A sissy. Effeminate. And those are insults.

@Blackbear19

Its nothing to do with being lesser. It's just men and boys don't wear things that are particularly girly. Just the same as women don't wear things that are particularly manly. Out with school women don't wear collar and tie, men don't wear dresses.

And yes I'd say those trainers are girly with girls colours and sparkly.

Nonsense.

@Porcupineinwaiting is absolutely right. The fact is that no-one bats an eyelid when a girl wears "boyish" clothing. There are double standards because boy stuff = cool and girl stuff = uncool. So "cool girls" are into "boy stuff". Whereas if a boy likes "girl stuff" that makes him "uncool" and susceptible to teasing. It's called sexism and it's alive and well.

Women wearing trousers and jeans came about during the war years when women were asked to do heavy manual labour and they are more practical than dresses and skirts.

The same reason mens kilts aren't everyday wear they just aren't practical. Nothing to do with being lesser.

The shoes are clearly from the girls section (the pearl effect and lilac) but if your son likes them then he should wear them. I'm guessing if someone commented he'd know to give them the look and say "So?"

The bigger potential problem is that they are lilac rather than white but I'm guessing that your school isn't very strict?

So why do you think these trainers - or the ones that you bought for your son - arent practical @Blackbear19? And if they arent, why does that matter for a boy but not a girl.

Don't twist my works I didn't say the trainers or joggers weren't practical. But I wouldn't put a boy in girls clothes.

Why open the kid up to ridicule when you don't have to?

All those saying yes I'd put my son in that, would you walk into the office (after covid) in a trouser suit with collar and tie?

Words that was meant to say

@Blackbear19 nope, but that's because I have 28KK boobs so I need a very tailored shirt (which don't come with collars for ties). Have worn men's shirts for band and dressage because I needed a tie and they gape open between the buttons, look ridiculous on my shoulders (shoulder seam halfway down my upper arm) and are too big for my neck.

Because I am an adult female, stuff that is tailored for an adult male doesn't fit my shape. I personally don't wear men's trousers either because again they fit even less well than women's.

I absolutely would raid the men's (or realistically boy's) shoe selection especially for sports wear. Men's selections are so much better and online you often find a 6.5 men's reduced in the sale, and my feet are wide enough to fit so long as the heel isn't too wide...

My DD has a mix of stuff from the boy's and girl's selection in shops, DS gets most of the hand me downs, although the pink stuff is too pale (and therefore grubby) to justify keeping to hand down. The more unisex colours hide the grained in mud rather better.

I don't actually like predominantly white trainers (mudlark children) but as that's the rules you have to work to would pick these as acceptable

I mean football players wear bright pink boots sometimes so I don't think it should be an issue. I bet a bunch of 6 year olds would even notice tbh

They are absolutely fine. My ds would wear those and he's 11. We really need to move away from the girls clothes / boys clothes crap and demonstrate to our children that it's fine to wear what colours they want. It's these sex stereotypes that has helped lead us to 'born in the wrong body' gender ideology shite.

@Blackbear19 gender is a hierarchy; masculine stuff is aspirational for girls, feminine stuff is humiliating for boys.

Some women do wear suits and ties, they might get raised eyebrows (partly because it's not comfortable attire, or because it's unusual) but they don't get ridiculed and laughed at for wearing stuff that's seen as beneath them.

^very well put, you are articulated what I struggled to!

you have articulated

If he chose them then let him wear them. It’s not as if you have forced the lilac upon him! FWIW the six year olds I’ve known don’t question even the most random clothing choices that their friends make.

I mean, my son wouldn’t wear them as he would consider them girly But if your son likes them, what difference does it make.

I mean, my son wouldn’t wear them as he would consider them girly

And how did he come to that conclusion?

*@Blackbear19 gender is a hierarchy; masculine stuff is aspirational for girls, feminine stuff is humiliating for boys.

Some women do wear suits and ties, they might get raised eyebrows (partly because it's not comfortable attire, or because it's unusual) but they don't get ridiculed and laughed at for wearing stuff that's seen as beneath them.*

I’ve never thought of it like this and I agree.