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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have bought DS these trainers for school?

274 replies

AveAtqueVale · 18/08/2020 22:17

DS showed them to SIL on FaceTime earlier and once he'd gone she gave me and DH a massive lecture about how he'll be teased and bullied for such girly shoes. Tbh I'd thought they were fairly unisex? They fit the school brief of 'mainly white,' and his teacher's brief of 'please no laces' anyway. Is purple now off limits to boys as well as pink?! Confused He's six, he likes shiny things, and picked these himself out of 3 or 4 pairs I showed him.

I've been stewing on this all evening (clearly). To clarify, I'm not actually worried he'll be bullied. Just more wondering if my judgement is totally skewed!

To have bought DS these trainers for school?
To have bought DS these trainers for school?
OP posts:
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5
dannydyerismydad · 19/08/2020 12:36

My son would totally have worn them at 6. Now he's 9 he wouldn't be seen dead in them.

If your DS is happy with them and they fulfil uniform brief then they are absolutely fine.

Jemma2907 · 19/08/2020 12:39

As the Mum of a 5 year old boy who says his favourite colour is 'rainbow' this thread really saddens me. I hate that his love of all things colourful might be bullied out of him by the children of the type of parents on this thread. Why all these gender stereotypes? They are just colours!!!

Starlightstarbright1 · 19/08/2020 12:42

You read a lot on here let them wear what they want, but then wonder why kids don't fit in.

He is too young to know the consequences of picking thd trainers
.should it matter ? No
Does it yes

Trashtara · 19/08/2020 12:52

He is too young to know the consequences of picking thd trainers
.should it matter ? No
Does it yes

Not always. My son wear very obviously girly shoes and clothes and he has the confidence and lack of awareness to just style it out and own his decisions. That attitude really prevents anyone from saying anything negative about them. He had his hair in frickin pigtails a couple of weeks ago because he wanted long hair like a princess, no-one batted an eyelid because he was so happy with them. And yes, I took pictures which I will embarrass him with when he is older.

steppemum · 19/08/2020 12:55

@Starlightstarbright1

You read a lot on here let them wear what they want, but then wonder why kids don't fit in.

He is too young to know the consequences of picking thd trainers
.should it matter ? No
Does it yes

I really, really disagree with this. I am an ex teacher, and have taught in plenty of rough areas. Most 6 year olds won't comment. If they did, and a teacher/adult says - anyone can wear whatever colours they like can't they? they will quickly re calibrate and accept purple shoes. It is surprisingly common to have a boy in reception a 'girly' item, eg a unicorm lunch box. It might (sometimes) become a talking point, but rarely negatively.

This is 100% about the adults around. They set the tone, and teach acceptability. Sadly there are some teachers who will reinforce the stereotypes, but they ar ein the minority.

Hoppinggreen · 19/08/2020 12:55

No parents on this thread have said he SHOULD be bullied and most have said they wouldnt allow their child to do that.
I am sure most of us do also teach our children that they can wear what they want - I painted my 11 year olds nails yesterday as he was sat next to me while I did mine and he wanted the same. I dont care what a child chooses to wear, clothes arent gendered unless they have specific features to accommodate male/female anatomy but at the end of the day a lot of parents DO reinforce stereotypes or at least dont challenge them and to imagine that a boy wearing those trainers at school wont get at least some comments from his peers is naive .
If Op and her son are aware of that possibility and choose to face it then thats great but pretending it wont happen or will be easy to brush off or ignore isnt realistic at all

SendHelp30 · 19/08/2020 12:58

definitely look like girls shoes to me and I wouldn’t buy them for my sons

drspouse · 19/08/2020 13:00

You read a lot on here let them wear what they want, but then wonder why kids don't fit in.
I have never, ever read a parent say their child was bullied or even didn't "fit in", whatever that means, for wearing the wrong shoes.
If it happens (and I'm pretty sure it's a made up problem) then it's up to the school to sort out (and a stern word with the parents if it's coming from home).
Again, children need to learn that other children can be different, not that they all need to be identical to be the same. Many children cannot just choose to be cookie cutter - from those with glasses and red hair, to those with a disability.

Rubyupbeat · 19/08/2020 13:08

I just think they are really ugly, sorry.

Coulddowithanap · 19/08/2020 13:09

I don't think they are too girly. He chose them so let him wear them.

My 8 year old son has a boy best friend who's favourite colour is pink, and he's often telling me there is no boy colours or girl colours.

Blurp · 19/08/2020 13:15

If he likes them, let him wear them. If I ever got wind that either of my DC had laughed at someone for wearing something "girly/boyish" they'd get a sharp lecture and be apologising the next day.

nitsandwormsdodger · 19/08/2020 13:25

He chose them himself
kids are much more cool these day than your

Starlightstarbright1 · 19/08/2020 13:54

@drspouse

You read a lot on here let them wear what they want, but then wonder why kids don't fit in. I have never, ever read a parent say their child was bullied or even didn't "fit in", whatever that means, for wearing the wrong shoes. If it happens (and I'm pretty sure it's a made up problem) then it's up to the school to sort out (and a stern word with the parents if it's coming from home). Again, children need to learn that other children can be different, not that they all need to be identical to be the same. Many children cannot just choose to be cookie cutter - from those with glasses and red hair, to those with a disability.
Actually my own ds was tokd about his trainers been name called by a boy in primary for having unbranded trainers. Not particularly a nice boy but yes it happens
Soontobe60 · 19/08/2020 14:13

You do know that it’s not the law that boys wear blue and girls pink? So many sexist posters on here! Let kids wear what they want. If a child gets teased for wearing a particular colour, I’d be speaking to the school.

LioneIRichTea · 19/08/2020 14:29

You do know that it’s not the law that boys wear blue and girls pink?

My maternal grandmother is Dutch and blue is traditionally a girls colour and pink is traditionally a boys colour. It’s because (rightly or wrongly) pink was seen as a watered down red = aggression and light blue is a feminine colour.

latticechaos · 19/08/2020 17:54

@Starlightstarbright1

You read a lot on here let them wear what they want, but then wonder why kids don't fit in.

He is too young to know the consequences of picking thd trainers
.should it matter ? No
Does it yes

It only matters because some parents still hold these stupid views!
RightOnTheEdge · 19/08/2020 18:18

I just showed the picture to my ds who is nearly 8.
He said he loved them and would ddefinitely wear them. He is a typical boyish boy and so are his friends. He said he'd have no problem wearing them in PE.

In nursery they had a dressing up box, there were a few of the boys who went for the princess dresses and jewellery every day none of the other kids batted an eyelid.

One of the boys rode to school on a princess bike, again none of the kids cared.

angelikacpickles · 19/08/2020 22:22

@Trashtara How do you explain the fact that the "white" parts you see are several shades darker than the background of the photo? What colour is the background?

honkytonkheroe · 19/08/2020 22:26

I would have steered him away from them in the same way that I used to steer my now 9 year old son away from the red sequin shoes that he like when he was 3.

honkytonkheroe · 19/08/2020 22:28

As a quick disclaimer, just because I would have steered him away, it doesn’t make we right.

mothersc · 19/08/2020 22:29

These are absolutely vile.... 😑 making your child a target for school bullies....

Doje · 19/08/2020 22:30

I can't believe what I'm reading. All this crap about 'girly'.

They look fine OP. I also have a 6 year old boy who I know wouldn't take the piss out of anyone, boy or girl, wearing those trainers. Firstly, he wouldn't notice or indeed care. Secondly he's been taught better than that.

You lot should take a look at yourselves. We're guiding the next generation, and spreading this crap ourselves.

Porcupineinwaiting · 19/08/2020 22:32

@angelikacpickles the photographer will have taken trouble to differentiate the product from the background to show it off to it's best advantage (white product on a white background being pretty hard to see). Doesnt mean they're not actually white.

gettingfedupagain · 19/08/2020 22:35

My 6yr old DS would love these. As I've said to him on a few occasions over similar things, I'd say, " some silly people might say that purple is for girls and that these are girls trainers. We know that's not true, but how will you feel and what will you do if people say that?"

year5teacher · 19/08/2020 22:39

They’re cute! Smile If he chose them then they’re the ones he wanted. They are mostly white. Can’t see they’d be an issue, carry on with them unless you get contacted and told they’re wrong, but I highly doubt that will happen. I hope he enjoys wearing them!