To have bought DS these trainers for school?

[AveAtqueVale]

DS showed them to SIL on FaceTime earlier and once he'd gone she gave me and DH a massive lecture about how he'll be teased and bullied for such girly shoes. Tbh I'd thought they were fairly unisex? They fit the school brief of 'mainly white,' and his teacher's brief of 'please no laces' anyway. Is purple now off limits to boys as well as pink?! He's six, he likes shiny things, and picked these himself out of 3 or 4 pairs I showed him.

I've been stewing on this all evening (clearly). To clarify, I'm not actually worried he'll be bullied. Just more wondering if my judgement is totally skewed!

This thread is insane. In the school where I work, we would firstly not give two shits if the "mainly white" trainers had bits of lilac on them. Not all schools are as strict about uniform as others. Many families struggle to provide uniform so as long as it's vaguely similar and safe for the lesson it's fine.

Secondly we frequently challenge stereotypes and any language or attitudes about things being for boys or girls, such as dressing up clothes or paint colours. I'd like to think that this will be the case in any school. If it's not, go in and kick off.

Finally as PP have said, some kids can be unkind but the majority won't notice or won't care.

If the shoes become an issue I'd change them but I'd definitely send them in for now.

I thought they were girls trainers...

They're cool. I don't think they look girly and I also thing "girly" vs "boys" stuff is bloody ridiculous and outdated. Pink is for girls, blue is for boys? Come on guys.

They're definitely girls' shoes. Whether that should be the case or whether it should matter is open for debate. Anyone who teases him is wrong, but I suspect it will happen.

Wonderful trainers. My DS took a pink water bottle to school for a couple of years when he was around 6, cause he liked the colour. He also had pink swimming goggles. It’s no big deal.

He’s starting secondary school in a couple of weeks and EVERYTHING is black. It’s depressing! I’m hoping he’ll relax about fitting in and embrace some individuality.

Oh and DS was never teased either.

Another "change your child, don't address bullying" thread.

I totally understand and support all the 'totally fine/let him wear what he wants' comments. I'm on board with everything everyone says about it shouldn't matter etc...however...it does matter to the child who gets picked on doesn't it?

You wouldn't be on here asking if you didn't honestly know how they real world' outside of MN works OP 🤷‍♀️

Children don't understand the PC world of 'let him wear what he wants/it's all fine' do they? They just don't!!

And having pink/lilac shiny bits on white trainers is, to 7 a year old, 'girlie'. It doesn't matter one jot what MN says. Not one jot.

The children in my school wouldn't say anything because they are unfailingly lovely. But the children in my previous school would have been merciless the second those trainers were pulled out of the bag, and yes, I'd have pounced on it, but it would have been already out there by that point wouldn't it?

Please take them back OP!

I only got to page 2 before feeling so angry. Those saying they’re clearly girl’s shoes - you are the problem! You are teaching your dc this shit and leading to many dc questioning their gender under the belief that by liking a colour or trainer style they are not normal for their gender. Stop it! Stop fucking up a generation of dc and stop teaching your dc that there’s boy and girl stuff. It’s so depressing to read this crap in here and I wonder if you’re the same people on the other threads moaning about transgender dc.

@Waveysnail

Sorry I think they are girly. Shiny bits reflect pink

It's sad that parents are still pushing pink/blue stereotypes

@Emmelina

The pearlescent overlay on the side combined with the lilac does make them rather feminine. It shouldn’t matter, but if another child does notice... Perhaps keep these for home?

This is what I'd do too

If he is happy and wanted them - let him wear them. From my experience with 6 year olds getting changed for PE - they don't give a shit about the trainers - it's comparing what cartoon character they've got on their vest and pants that's the real source of kudos.

Think it depends a bit on the personality of the child as well if they're happy to buck the trend a bit - DD1 of mine wouldn't ever dream of wearing something that was from the "boys" section and if a friend made a comment wouldn't wear it again I don't think... DD2 knows what she likes and doesn't give a shit - she's rocking Batman trainers from the "boys" section in Tesco and loves them... after her Avengers ones fell apart from overwearing them! She still loves pink and sparkles as well - but if she can combine the pink sparkles with superheroes and dinosaurs she's even happier.

I think they’re nice and if your son likes them that’s great. One of the new p1 boys in my dd’s school is rocking a cardigan instead of a jumper and none of the kids care. My dd is wearing trainers from the boys section because she doesn’t like pink or purple just now and again nobody cares. Adults need to stop projecting their feelings about outdated “gender norms” onto their kids.

My god this thread! I despair!

What do posters mean by girly? So many people saying "a bit girly". What does that mean? A girl is a female human child. That's it. Iridescent trainers and lilac are gender stereotypes pushed onto female human children and called girly. Clearly by half the parents on this thread!

Genuinely mystified about what makes these "girly". They have blue, black, purple and yellow on the trim.

This thread... I despair. 🤦‍♀️
You are the problem if you are teaching your children these stupid gender stereotypes. There is nothing wrong with the shoes.

The pearlescent overlay on the side combined with the lilac does make them rather feminine

Why? What is feminine about lilac or pearlescent overlay? By that logic, are females who don't like lilac and pearlescent overlay then masculine?

As much as I think kids should be able to wear whatever they like, that doesn't stop kids making fun of other kids for their choices. It's dog eat dog in the playground and yes, I think they have the potential to be bulky fodder.

Bully, not bulky

YANBU buying them for a boy.

YABU buying them to meet the 'mainly white' criteria. There's no white on them at all.

This is something I'm struggling with.

My son starts school next month. He loves pink. One of my favourite things about him is that he loves pink. I'm worried he will be bullied because of it.

Wouldn't be an issue amongst the kids at my school - aged 4-7y. He wouldn't be picked on for wearing a bit of purple here.

Guess it depends on your school community and what they are normally like regarding this kind of thing. Maybe schools with older children are more likely to pick up on it.

Do they look girly? Yes. But what message would you be sending to him if you tell him he can’t have his choice - that in life you have to think about other’s opinions above his own? My son was bullied at school because he was shy and quiet and he didn’t stand up for himself. When he first started being bullied I used to tell him to ignore it. Bad decision. Because I didn’t teach him to set his boundaries about what was ok behaviour towards him and what was not ok behaviour towards him. If I had my time again the message I would say to my kids was to make their choices in life - and as long as they didn’t harm others with that choice - they should forget about what other’s think. Kids need to be taught confidence in their choices. It’s that confidence which will stop bullies making them targets.

They are girls shoes and yes purple as well as pink is deemed a girly colour, especially lilac. Sadly it’s just tge way it is. Can you take them back?

Re 'mainly white' - depends on how strict the school is. I'm assuming as the OPs child is six then they know it fits the schools brief.
At DD's schools they'd have argued they weren't white enough I suspect. At others they'd be fine about it. All white can be really hard to find sometimes we discovered.