To have bought DS these trainers for school?

[AveAtqueVale]

DS showed them to SIL on FaceTime earlier and once he'd gone she gave me and DH a massive lecture about how he'll be teased and bullied for such girly shoes. Tbh I'd thought they were fairly unisex? They fit the school brief of 'mainly white,' and his teacher's brief of 'please no laces' anyway. Is purple now off limits to boys as well as pink?! He's six, he likes shiny things, and picked these himself out of 3 or 4 pairs I showed him.

I've been stewing on this all evening (clearly). To clarify, I'm not actually worried he'll be bullied. Just more wondering if my judgement is totally skewed!

They follow the rule "mainly white"

They look good and - if it matters at all - chunky and not feminine imo

At my gym, the burly blokes wear purple trainers or Tshirts just as much as we do
Very old-fashioned to have boy or girl gear, other than a jockstrap or bra

It’s a sad day for equality.

Let him wear them.

Good lord girls even wear trousers these days, plenty of boys in leggings, girls with short hair, boys with long hair.

It’s a pair of shoes, there shouldn’t even be a buys section or a girls section, there should be kids clothes.

I spent ages trawling for all white trainers as per the list but none of the other kids had all white ones so don't worry about that

But they are a bit girly

My son would have happily worn them. They’re not purple as such, they’re holographic, so they’ll reflect a fair few colours depending on the light.

Shoes tend to come in boys’ and girls’ or men’s and women’s because there is a difference in the width/size and footbed of the shoes, not because of the colour of the shoes.

@Thisismytimetoshine he can (and does - has spent much of the summer wearing a load of old costume jewellery my mum got him because he thinks it makes him look like a pirate), and he'd wear plain white trainers if I'd just bought them and told him he had to. But like most small children life is easier and pleasanter if he actually likes the things he's being told to wear. Hence presumably why companies manufacture all the black school shoes that make dinosaur footprints and the pinafore dresses with little butterflies on the zip, rather than keeping everything that might be used for school purely utilitarian. He was sitting next to me when I was mooching on the internet looking for a pair, so I gave him a choice 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Also, slightly unrelatedly but not really, he has ASD and finds wearing school uniform a bit of a chore from a sensory point of view, so I thought a pair of shoes he really liked for a couple of hours a week might sweeten the deal slightly.

I think they're fine. And at 6 I dont think kids are nearly as cruel as adults fear they'll be.

Surely a 6 year old (or intact any age) can
Chose to wear what the hell they like... why should we have girls and boys trainers? As long as they fit well and meet school requirements who cares??

BUT THEY'RE NOT WHITE? Is this like the blue-black dress? Those shoes are grey, with some purple. No white.

Let him have them. But don’t be too surprised if he gets a comment or two about them. The peak age for the very rigid girl/boy demarcations thing seems to be year 3 for some reason. It depends if his classmates care enough to notice.

If your DS likes them, that's all that matters. My eldest DS often chooses stuff that people might consider 'girly' (horrible word) - shiny, glittery, sparkly. He's 12 now and likes what he likes and doesn't give so much as a thought to what anyone else's opinion might be. He would love those trainers because of the purple trim. His younger brother is almost 8 and I can honestly say he would not be seen dead in them, specifically because of the purple trim!!

They do look like girls shoes. I would say “if he loves them, who cares?” But then the kids at school won’t be as nice. I would convince him to change them and save him the heartache.

Very girly to me

Yes because it’s always the victims fault. How about parents teaching their kids to be kind instead?

How do you propose to control what other parents teach their children?

I think they're fine. However, if you showed me a picture and asked me to find them in the store, I'd look in the girls' section.

How do you propose to control what other parents teach their children?

Going by what grown adults are saying about a 6 year olds choice of trainers, there’s feck all chance of kids being kind.

They don’t look that white to me

My son will be doing PE in his black trainers with pink buts on. He chose them its just a coliur they are fine.

It's all very well for parents on here to say "just tell him to say he's fine with it and there's no such thing as girls'/boys' trainers."

But the OP is the one who will be dealing with it if he comes home after 2 days refusing to wear them, or upset because of comments.

Some 6yos are confident enough to say "well I like them" and not bother about any further response. That's great.
Most aren't.

And you can coach them to say "I like them" and it's a lovely idea that the commenting child then slinks away snubbed. It's a bit like the mn "did you mean to be so rude?" silencing the CF.
Some people will just shut up at that point, a fair number of people will have a further come back which isn't going to be helpful.
It's not a TV script you're writing and people have a nasty habit of saying something you aren't prepared for.

Well if there's a problem then the OP can ask the teacher to intervene. Should she teach her son.to be invisable in an attempt to make sure nobody makes a mean comment to him ever?

[quote solidaritea]@ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit love that little story! I used to teach a boy who loved anything sparkly. On non uniform day, he wore a sparkly top that was likely marketed at girls. Another boy slightly mockingly asked "why are you wearing a sparkly tshirt?" He said "I like it" and went to play somewhere else. He couldn't care less because he liked his top. We should do everything we can to give all children this kind of confidence to express themselves and screw what other people think. We won't do that by saying "no, you can't wear those shoes because some people might think they're for girls."[/quote]
Thanks! DS is quite individual sometimes but I completely agree we should let kids be themselves. He's not even a child who I think will be gay or have any identity issues, he always talks about his future wife and where they will honeymoon etc (although of course that could change) - but he is just himself. He likes to wear suits and bowties to parties, and definitely has a sense of occasion. He does have aspergers and is now starting to realise he's a bit 'different' - it breaks my heart. Young kids are tolerant of anything, secondary schoolers are less so.......

I was in the supermarket yesterday and there were three men shopping. One was short and plump. One was taller and pushing the trolley. One was tall and slim and wearing a pale pink summer top with adjustable straps like bra straps, and dark pink jeans. He had two handbags over his shoulders, one was bright yellow. He also had a big black beard under his mask.

When we left DD said the shorter man had Downs syndrome as she could tell. I said I thought there were two men with maybe some learning difficulties or disabilities and the bigger chap was probably their carer. Neither of my DCs mentioned the man in pink until I did, they hadn't noticed anything strange. They are 12.

Parents must be giving their children these views. They aren't born with them. Curiosity - yes! Judgement - no! I despair.....

No just no my
Boys wouldn't be wearing them

They look OK to me. Mine used to love white trainers well into adulthood, now only has black.

Why on earth is your husband showing pictures of his kid' shoes to his sister on social media? Doesn't everyone have shoes?

They do look like girls shoes but at 6 I wouldn’t mind too much.

Sorry I think they are girly as well