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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To like being looked after by a man?

299 replies

Ribrabrob · 18/08/2020 20:45

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I feel very guilty about it but... I like being looked after by a man. Physically, emotionally, financially. It makes me feel safe and secure. I like being the ‘damsel in distress’ and I’m happy to be rescued by a man. For example if I broke down on the motorway and a man helps me change a tyre.

I’d be happy to be a housewife and have no say in finances, not work etc. i like it when a man is stronger than me, when he is an alpha male. Not controlling, but dominant. I like that that there are differences between the genders and being seen as the fairer and, dare I say it, weaker sex.

Now, I don’t have any strange ‘daddy issues’ because I have a perfectly nice relationship with my loving and caring father, plus my parents have a healthy equal relationship so I’m not sure why I feel this way. I do wonder if it is something I should look into dealing with though - perhaps counseling? Or is that just dramatic? I guess I can’t help how I feel.

So, aibu to enjoy being looked after, taken care of etc? Am I letting other women down by feeling this way and not fighting for equality? Like I say I do feel guilty, and I do tend to keep my thoughts to myself on this matter because I feel like I’m letting myself down (except when posting a thread on Mumsnet Grin)

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 19/08/2020 17:54

Please don’t let any daughters you may have follow the same ‘dream’.

SentientAndCognisant · 19/08/2020 19:39

@Ribrabrobyou think you’re independently choosing to be housewife. It’s a choice that was made for you.Habitually over centuries,reinforced socially, and institutionally. And disapproval for women who chose not to be housewives (you’ve only got to have perfunctory search)

I you’ve said you’ll have a think about your finances -that’s wise

MostTacticalNameChange · 19/08/2020 19:59

Most women could have this but the payment is total submission including service and sex.

Not up for that.

SurreyHillsGirl · 19/08/2020 20:04

Totally up to you and if you’re happy that’s all that matters.

Personally, in your situation I would feel extremely financially vulnerable. I’d also be concerned that my DH would find me boring and not respect me as much if I didn’t work. I feel proud of what I bring to our relationship and it makes me feel good to make my own money. I feel like DH’s equal. Having said that DH can’t do enough for me and is always doing things to make my life happier and easier. At home we have fairly defined male / female roles because that’s what works for us.

mrsBtheparker · 19/08/2020 20:04

What would you do if he were to die suddenly? My OH died very suddenly at the start of the lockdown, I was able to put my hands on everything we needed, will, account details for both of us etc., if I wasn't privy to this information I would have been stuffed.

DisgruntledSnowman · 19/08/2020 20:07

Fine to like to be dominated a bit. OK to choose to be a housewife. Utterly foolish to give up any financial independence and control, adn a shockingly bad example to any kids you may have.

Princessbanana · 19/08/2020 20:07

Looks like this thread has been picked up by the daily fail!😝

HelloHolaGutenMorgen · 19/08/2020 20:35

link @princessbanana?

Livelifejoyful · 19/08/2020 20:49

My ex husband was just that. He didn't let me want for anything and we lived a luxury lifestyle, however men that can afford that are very busy and barely have time for their partner. I ended up feeling very lonely and spent the majority of my time alone while he travelled for work non stop. Also not having control over money as he was the breadwinner was very frustrating at times, and you do feel like a kid whose parent is giving them an allowance. The life was fine until kids came along and then I had enough of doing everything solo and even when he was home he was constantly on his phones non stop working. He wasn't present. That marriage ended in a divorce, and then I went on to building my own business, and then married my now DH. We are 50/50 on everything, I earn more than him actually. But his emotional support and affection tops the life I had before by miles. My husband now is more an alpha male than my ex. Me and my ex remain very good friends for the kids and I couldn't have asked for a better father to my children and better person to Co parent with, there is no animosity between us. But that lifestyle seems appealing but the reality is far far different.

Starsabove1 · 19/08/2020 20:57

@Ribrabrob if your post was genuine and not a bid to stoke outrage for clicks (odd that this thread was picked up when a very similar one a few weeks ago wasn’t) then I suggest you read the comments under the daily fail article from men who agree with your fantasy/clickbait.

That is who you’d be giving all your power and control to as a surrendered wife ~journalist~

collapsedhairpin · 19/08/2020 21:09

@Tumbleweed101

I’ve been a single parent for 10 years and had everything to worry about all by myself in that time. The idea of having someone who could look after me is very appealing at the moment!

In reality I’d probably want to stay in control of my own finances etc but would be nice to have someone take charge of DIY and gardening jobs and be the bigger earner. I suspect I’ll struggle on single handedly though.

I'm the opposite, I've been a single parent for years and love the independence, everything my DCs have been able to experience and everything they have achieved is down to them and me and nobody else can take any credit. Our home is how we like it, we do things our way and there is nobody to interfere - it's brilliant. There is no way I'll be entertaining the idea of any relationship in the future.
Devlesko · 19/08/2020 21:15

YANBU and I have one of those, apart from the finance bit, where I'm totally equal.
It's your preference and we are all different.
Do you not think it's nice both ways though, for you to care for a man in the same way.

PhilSwagielka · 19/08/2020 21:44

Is it a sexual thing? If so, there's loads of groups on Fetlife dedicated to '50s roleplay where men get to be Don Draper and women get to be Little Suzie Homemaker and run around after their men. I'd say not having control of your own finance is a bit much though. It could so easily be abused. And some of these groups attract men who genuinely believe a woman's true role is as a wife and mother, women shouldn't be allowed the vote or jobs and women don't really want to work or be independent.

Not for me, Clive. I like my independence too much and I dislike super manly alpha male types. My ex-stepdad was one and he abused my mum.

IdblowJonSnow · 19/08/2020 21:54

Is it a sexual thing for you OP?
It does all sound a bit anachronistic. I dont wish to sound judgemental but I dont think it's a great thing to model to your DC.

Frownette · 19/08/2020 21:58

It could get a bit suffocating, couldn't it? You're supposed to take care of each other.

nocoolnamesleft · 19/08/2020 22:17

Have you considered moving to Stepford?

AliceAbsolum · 19/08/2020 22:41

Is it a bdsm submission thing?

I think it's fine.

PhilSwagielka · 19/08/2020 23:01

Let me guess, all those male DM readers wish their wives were like this and think feminism has ruined women?

Starsabove1 · 19/08/2020 23:24

@PhilSwagielka ding ding! We have a winner! Feminism has ruined society, pervasive evil, world gawn maaahd etc.

There’s even one lady saying how lucky she is to live this kind of life & how wonderful it is. Even though her husband is so much cleverer then her, he will sometimes ask her opinion on something even though he’s already made a decision, just so she feels included.

Feminists are just spoon fed opinionists who really want an alpha male but settle for betas and cucks because that’s all the nasty harridans deserve.

Very normal statements really.

manicinsomniac · 19/08/2020 23:48

I couldn't live like this (can't hold down a relationship at all, tbh, I hate having to even compromise, let alone submit Grin).

However, I don't find the OP surprising. I know a few women who live like this. All intensely religious. Most quietly get on with living how they want to live. One is much more grating. They all seem happy. Obviously you can never know for sure.

PhilSwagielka · 20/08/2020 01:37

[quote Starsabove1]@PhilSwagielka ding ding! We have a winner! Feminism has ruined society, pervasive evil, world gawn maaahd etc.

There’s even one lady saying how lucky she is to live this kind of life & how wonderful it is. Even though her husband is so much cleverer then her, he will sometimes ask her opinion on something even though he’s already made a decision, just so she feels included.

Feminists are just spoon fed opinionists who really want an alpha male but settle for betas and cucks because that’s all the nasty harridans deserve.

Very normal statements really.[/quote]
I love it when men like that prove feminists’ point for us. I also have an extreme hatred of the word ‘cuck’ and anyone who uses it.

AhNowTed · 20/08/2020 01:44

Is this just someone who doesn't want to take any responsibility for their own life, dressed up as something else.

It's fucking depressing whatever it is.

PhilSwagielka · 20/08/2020 02:13

Blasted? Oh, please. It must be a slow news day.

Starsabove1 · 20/08/2020 12:04

@PhilSwagielka me too. The men who use it tend to be fairly unhinged with hatred for everyone but especially themselves.

The whole aplha/beta thing is such toxic nonsense whether it’s used by men or women, it just boggles my mind that people still want to play into it.
I don’t think OP really does - I suspect now that the article has lots of comments & clicks, her work is done. Which is even more disappointing than actually believing it! Well done LaToya Hmm

Thankfully the majority of comments here and shockingly on the fail, show that most people no longer think that life choice is a good one!