To think I've not ruined the dc's holiday by crying in front of them?

[flythewindmill]

I've been divorced for 7 years and the dc, 10 and 12, have gone with their dad on holiday for 12 days. It's the longest they've ever been away from me and they've only gone for more than 4 days at a time (a week) twice in that 7 years. It's quite a big deal for me but I obviously haven't told them that. I had to drop them off this morning and couldn't help crying - I really tried but I was teary when saying goodbye. I wasn't sobbing or anything but there were tears. Dc asked what was wrong and I said 'I'm just being silly, don't worry, I'm fine,' gave them a hug and stayed to wave them off.

Ex had been sat in his car watching with a face like thunder. I've just received this text from him: 'Can't believe how you carried on this morning. Why do you want to ruin the kids holiday and make them feel sorry for you? You're bitter but stop trying to wreck their fun and time with me.'

I did feel really bad but about crying but I literally couldn't help it but I'm not sure it's fair to say it's ruined their holiday? Had a message from one of them who seems fine anyway and didn't mention the crying. Don't know how to reply to him and whether to bother or apologise.

My mum still cries when I leave her house to go back home (love a few hundred miles away). Literally every time. It's fine.

He sounds like a heartless cockwomble. Ugh! I would absolutely not have sent that message but I do wonder if your DC are feeling a little bit worried by seeing you upset. Some kids are very sensitive but obviously you know yours best. Can you send a cheery message or joke to reassure them/suss out if they're worried or if he’s simply an arse of a man? I mean, he’s definitely an arse but maybe they are feeling a bit insecure. It’s a tough age anyway and their dad doesn’t sound like a loving, kind and “let’s talk about our feelings” person.

You won't have ruined their holiday, what a knob your ex is.

When I was 29, I went to Australia for the first time, by myself. My mum, who wasn't prone to showing me much affection, had tears in her eyes as she saw me off at the airport! It didn't ruin my holiday, I thought it was quite sweet actually!

Granted I was an adult, not a child, but it seems highly unlikely that your children will have given your tears more than a few seconds thought - they will have understood that you will miss them and that's OK.

If I were them, I'd have been more bothered if you'd seen them off with NO evidence that you were going to miss them!

Urgh what a toxic dick head.
Ignore it.
Have a lovely 12 days to yourself OP

My parents are still together. Mum cried when I went off on a language trip aged 11 without them and when I got back she ran through the car park in her haste to get to me. I thought she was a bit weird at the time but it definitely didn’t ruin my trip. I felt loved. As a mother now I totally understand. Go easy on yourself and tell your ex it isn’t about him!

It's shows you care about them and your ex is horrible. Just ignore the text and let him get on with it. I hope the kids enjoy their holiday but if he can get upset about something like that no wonder his your ex husband!

“I’m sure it won’t, they seem fine. Have fun.”

Lucky he's an ex, he sounds like a total arse hole. Don't reply to the text, just ignore him.