To be angry at DH for hurting me?

[blanche85]

My DH completely lost it a few days ago and smashed my toddler's table to pieces (not in front of him) and dug his nails so hard in to my skin he drew blood and left a mark/bruise. He grabbed me and threw me out the front door so forcefully that I have a bruise on my thigh.

He then completely ignored what had happened,just carrying on as normal. I was/still am angry and upset and sent him a message when I was at working telling him that he had hurt and scared me and asked if he was sorry and he replied with 'Sorry that I lost it and you got hurt'.

Then,nothing else. He is pestering me for sex,which I don't want,and he also told me not to sit next to him this morning because I was 'giving off bad vibes'.

I just hate how nonchalant he is about the whole thing. Any advice? Thanks.

@blanche85 I'm sorry but what? Is this for real? A man assaulted you and your child is in danger and you just wonder if to pass this one by silence or say something? Gosh.

Well maybe wait till your son loses a tooth or he smashes you through a glass pane or breaks a bone, no? That may be then a topic for conversation with him, once he calmed down a bit.

OK enough of sarcasm, please kick him out. Call the police. Kick. Him. Out. Not even LTB, because he is the one that should end up in the cell.

This is either terrible and you should leave and call the police or it's a streetcar named desire. I hope it's the latter but if not please heed the advice of other, wiser, posters.

Thank you all for your replies.

It's real. He said this morning that all that I'm good for is sex. Everything I say,he criticises....saying that what I say is retarded and only vomit comes out of my mouth.

It's a very difficult,complicated,unique situation and I think I need to speak to someone properly about all of this.

I took photos of the cut and bruise but then I worried he or my daughter would look on my phone and find them. I've tried to recover the photos but my backup was disabled and I downloaded a 'retrieve deleted photos' app but the I couldn't find the 2 I took,there were so many and in no particular date/time order.

I still have the messages though.

I'm scared of reporting to the police because in my experience involving the police only makes things worse.

We live in the same house but separate flats,so I can avoid him to a degree. My flat door doesn't lock from the inside for some reason,but I'm going to get a chain lock tomorrow.

Thanks everyone.

Please give Women's Aid a ring.

Has he ever EVER done anything else like this? How long have you been together? Is this behaviour normal for him? Why on earth was he smashing up a kids desk?

Leave. Him.

Please look at The Freedom Programme and call Women’s Aid for support.
What he has done and what he has said is vile.

Are you renting? If so can you get the landlord or the letting agent to sort out the lock so you aren't relying on just a chain? Does he have a key to your flat?

I'm glad you came back on op. Big hugs. Unless you've been in a DV situation it's very difficult to understand it, they gradually wear you down over time until you don't know the woods from the trees. Please contact women's aid, they will help you unpick it and sort your head out a bit. It took me a year after my spilt to fully process it. It seems impossible to leave but I promise, it isn't, no matter how complex the situation. 💐

Seeing that you have a daughter who is older than your toddler son, I reiterate that your tolerance for violent and abusive behaviour sends a lesson to her too. Don't let her see you tolerating this any longer. Please, please speak to Women's Aid if you don't want to talk to the police at this stage. Write down what they say to you... let them help.

You can save any photos, documents etc that you don't want him to see or know you're keeping a copy of, by setting up an email account on (for example) yahoo or similar. Something you can access via any computer. Then, email the photos, copy documents, notes with details of any crap he puts you through, etc to yourself. Don't have a copy of the app on your phone or tablet. Just use the mobile or desktop version. Use a password he would never guess. This way, if he does get your phone, there will be no photos on there, as you'll have emailed them to & immediately deleted them. Always delete the site off your internet history after you use it.

Have a regular email account with a different provider. For all your bills, general stuff etc. If he snoops, he can snoop on that.

It's a very difficult,complicated,unique situation

I bet it's a very predictable story of a man who feels entitled to treat women like shit, and there is nothing special or unique about him at all. Believe me when I say they are all the same.

Women's Aid: 0808 2000 247.

Call, leave a message with your name and number and a good time to call you back.
They will call you back.

Put that chain on your door.

He is abusing you physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally. He uses you for sex. You are vulnerable. The detsils will be unique but the big picture is very common.

Get help. Now. Women's Aid. No excuses.

He is a danger. If your home were on fire you would not debate whether or not to call the fire service.

Get help. You deserve it.

I’ve been following this thread how are you op? X

He sounds toxic

I’ve just been watching a real life crime programme where the first incident / warning sign for a woman who unwittingly found herself living with a serial abuser of women was an argument where he threw something at a wall, blocked her exit door with his body and pushed her. Immediately after he apologised and the next day he sulked when she wanted sex. Your instincts are telling you that this isn’t acceptable or safe. Trust them.