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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at DH for hurting me?

166 replies

blanche85 · 17/08/2020 21:26

My DH completely lost it a few days ago and smashed my toddler's table to pieces (not in front of him) and dug his nails so hard in to my skin he drew blood and left a mark/bruise. He grabbed me and threw me out the front door so forcefully that I have a bruise on my thigh.

He then completely ignored what had happened,just carrying on as normal. I was/still am angry and upset and sent him a message when I was at working telling him that he had hurt and scared me and asked if he was sorry and he replied with 'Sorry that I lost it and you got hurt'.

Then,nothing else. He is pestering me for sex,which I don't want,and he also told me not to sit next to him this morning because I was 'giving off bad vibes'.

I just hate how nonchalant he is about the whole thing. Any advice? Thanks.

OP posts:
Lysianthus · 17/08/2020 21:44

My first ltb too. And call women’s aid as pp said. You cannot stay. Please please leave him, no one deserves this.

rvby · 17/08/2020 21:45

I just hate how nonchalant he is about the whole thing. Confused you seem very nonchalant yourself, if you don't mind me saying so?

Your husband has violently assaulted you, this is an emergency, get yourself and your children away from this person. Call the police, contact a helpline. You need help, asap.

Greyblueeyes · 17/08/2020 21:51

Has this happened before, OP?

PumaPantherJuguar · 17/08/2020 21:51

Please report this somewhere and seek support from Women's Aid/Refuge/local DV support network. It will escalate. Keep yourself and DD safe.

ohtheholidays · 17/08/2020 21:55

You need to get yourself and your DC away from him!

I say that as someone that stayed in an abusive marriage for to long,once they've hurt you they'll do it again and it will only get worse.

RiteAid · 17/08/2020 21:55

My advice is to report him to the police for domestic abuse and then kick him out for good.

Parky04 · 17/08/2020 21:56

He hurt you! Only advice I can give you is to leave him. It will happen again and perhaps the physical assault will be even worse next time.

OhCaptain · 17/08/2020 21:58

You are too nonchalant, let alone him.

Leave him.

MrsHound · 17/08/2020 21:59

I hate threads like this.I so want to believe that its a wind up and I am worried it isnt.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 17/08/2020 21:59

Please report to police, especially while you have injuries they can photograph for evidence. You have been assaulted. You are most definitely not being unreasonable, you're a victim of domestic violence.

LagunaBubbles · 17/08/2020 22:00

Why on earth are you with this man?

DianasLasso · 17/08/2020 22:01

OP how long has this been going on, and how many times has it happened? The fact that you seem so nonchalant about it (I suspect you're not really) suggests to me that this has been going on so long you've normalised it in your head.

It is not normal.

It is violent, abusive behaviour on his part.

You need to start working out how to leave him. If you can, report to the police. Certainly go to your GP and get the bruises recorded on your medical notes. Work out where you can go - your parents, a friend, a women's refuge. Do you have the cash you need to escape? Do you have important documents (passports, birth certificates, bank details, mortgage details)?

wildcherries · 17/08/2020 22:02

So many red flags that he's a prick. He was violent. It might escalate. Take your child and get away from him. Or better yet - tell him to leave.

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 17/08/2020 22:02

You MUST contact the police, it needs to be on record somewhere that this has happened. IF this isn't done a potentially violent man may end up with unsupervised access to a small child, you cannot let that stand. Much love to you, you didn't remotely do anything wrong to deserve this!

friedakhaloshairband · 17/08/2020 22:02

"You got hurt" is NOT an apology. Leave now before it get's worse.

TheTrollFairy · 17/08/2020 22:02

Advice. Isn’t it clear what needs to happen? Especially if you have a toddler!

The way you need to look, in 25 years time, your son does this to the mother of his child, do you think it’s acceptable? If not then why are you accepting it for yourself b

SoulofanAggron · 17/08/2020 22:03

You could call the police, he's admitted it in that text.

Either way, please separate from him.

Merryoldgoat · 17/08/2020 22:03

@MrsHound

I hate threads like this.I so want to believe that its a wind up and I am worried it isnt.
I can’t believe this is real, but don’t want it to be true (obviously).

It’s horrible.

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/08/2020 22:03

Violent criminal abuser. They don't change except to get worse. There is nothing to discuss. Get out now. Contact the police.

Ishihtzuknot · 17/08/2020 22:03

Leave him now, this is just the beginning. Once he knows he gets away with it he will continue. As a child witnessing this every day of my life, I urge you to get rid before your child ends up as damaged as I am from it. He will act like it was a one off and he’s sorry, don’t listen to him. Once is one too many times. Please protect yourself and your child TODAY report him now Flowers

RedLlama · 17/08/2020 22:03

My advice. This is not right or normal, and you should leave

TheTrollFairy · 17/08/2020 22:04

This shouldn’t be angry and DH, this should be angry at EX DH/STBEXH

Italiangreyhound · 17/08/2020 22:04

Run and then Run some more.

He is an evil bastard and you and your child are in danger.

Keep safe. Please. You are worth more.

conduitoffortune · 17/08/2020 22:06

If you don't call the police, you will regret this in the future should there be a dispute over the time he wants to spend unsupervised with your child and you claim there have been DV which there is no record of.

wildcherries · 17/08/2020 22:07

Also, think about what you're saying. "Am I being unreasonable to be angry at my husband for (physically) hurting me?"

This shouldn't need asking. Of course, you're bloody not. You need to use your anger to get away from this situation.