To be angry at DH for hurting me?

[blanche85]

My DH completely lost it a few days ago and smashed my toddler's table to pieces (not in front of him) and dug his nails so hard in to my skin he drew blood and left a mark/bruise. He grabbed me and threw me out the front door so forcefully that I have a bruise on my thigh.

He then completely ignored what had happened,just carrying on as normal. I was/still am angry and upset and sent him a message when I was at working telling him that he had hurt and scared me and asked if he was sorry and he replied with 'Sorry that I lost it and you got hurt'.

Then,nothing else. He is pestering me for sex,which I don't want,and he also told me not to sit next to him this morning because I was 'giving off bad vibes'.

I just hate how nonchalant he is about the whole thing. Any advice? Thanks.

This isn’t the first time he has hurt you, is it?

It also won’t be the last - unless you get away.

Contact Women’s Aid. They can help.

Leave.

‘You got hurt’

How did that happen then? Because he used his hands to hurt you.

Please don’t let him hurt you again x

The fact he's telling you you're giving off bad vibes is a massive sign that the next time he kicks off he'll blame you for it - if he hasn't done that already.

OP, if you can't see that this is very wrong then you really need some outside help.

“ Sorry that I lost it and you got hurt”

He hasn’t even admitted that HE hurt you. Crap apology and frankly being violent towards you is something no amount of the most sincere apology can correct. I would never stay with a man like this.

He's not sorry for what he did he thinks it's your fault. That you deserved it.

It will happen again.

Just adding to the chorus here. Leave. Leave him straight away, and ideally report him to the police also. You need to get away from this horrible, violent man who thinks it’s oK to hurt you and smash up your child’s possessions.

The thought that he reckons he has some “right” to sex, or that you could conceivably want to after what he’s done, is chilling. I don’t believe for a minute he thinks you might want to though - he seems happy to coerce you into sex he must know you don’t want!

Oh wow, please leave. My first LTB.

He’s a bastard. The fact you’re asking if you’re unreasonable to be angry at him for being violent says a lot about the relationship unfortunately.
You really need to get you and your child away from him. If you don’t then he’ll do this again.

Even if you don’t want to leave / report to the police, please screenshot those messages, photograph your injuries and maybe go to see your GP and disclose what happened (they will keep it confidential).
That way if in the future you leave / involve the police / there are issues around child custody you have some evidence of his abusive behaviour.
He will continue being violent towards you if you stay with him and there’s no harm to keeping a record should you need it in the future (just do it securely not somewhere he will find and delete).

Photos and police. WTF.

This is the second time this week I've read a thread from a woman who has been abused and humiliated by their husband and just accepts it. This is honestly so sad.

OP, please listen to what everyone is saying. This is not ok. There is nothing that justifies his behavior. You should leave him.

If you don’t care about your life can’t you think about your children.

My only advice is to leave, have you got any family or friends you could stay with? Is he the dad of your toddler?

OP, you seem so blase about his violence - does it happen a lot?

At the very least, I think you should take photos of your arm and the damage to the table. Perhaps visit GP so there is an official impartial record. Write down everything that happened as you remember it. If it ever goes to court, it could be months before you are asked to recount it and the details might be hazy by then or get merged in your head with other incidents. Write it down now in case you need a record in future (eg if you need evidence for custody battle for toddler etc).

Get him to fuck.

Yabu not to have left him already. I take it he hasnt replaced your toddlers table either?

Your DH is abusive.
You’re in an abusive relationship.
Leave him.

Leave. Please. It will happen again and could be even worse and involve your child. The fact that he isn’t even sorry, shocked by his actions, remorseful, disgusted with himself, worried that you were hurt or begging for your forgiveness is the biggest sign. He doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. Violence towards you is no big deal in his head. Take your child and leave. I’m sorry OP x

What would stop you from reporting it, OP? I know it sounds so obvious to the rest of us, but it's clear there's something stopping you.

Call the police, please

My advice would be don’t be me!
I didn’t take photos, I didn’t call the police and I stayed for a lot longer than I should have done..
It’s my biggest regret that he didn’t get punished and I didn’t leave straight away.

Photos, police, and tell him to leave when the police are there.

What they all said. Call the police.