To be angry at DH for hurting me?

[blanche85]

My DH completely lost it a few days ago and smashed my toddler's table to pieces (not in front of him) and dug his nails so hard in to my skin he drew blood and left a mark/bruise. He grabbed me and threw me out the front door so forcefully that I have a bruise on my thigh.

He then completely ignored what had happened,just carrying on as normal. I was/still am angry and upset and sent him a message when I was at working telling him that he had hurt and scared me and asked if he was sorry and he replied with 'Sorry that I lost it and you got hurt'.

Then,nothing else. He is pestering me for sex,which I don't want,and he also told me not to sit next to him this morning because I was 'giving off bad vibes'.

I just hate how nonchalant he is about the whole thing. Any advice? Thanks.

Leave him

The onus is on you to do something OP because your H is all in on the ‘I did nothing wrong’ defence. So, are you going to join him in his nonchalance and pray that there isn’t going to be a next time (unlikely, given that he won’t acknowledge this time) or, protect your child’s mother by getting the hell out!

My Ex assaulted me twice and the second time I ended up in hospital. This man has already given himself permission to hurt you.which increases the risk of a second time significantly.

The balls in your court and no, ‘fixing’ him isn’t something you can do.

Please take your child & leave him. Go to the police ASAP, you'll be able to prove violence.
It took me years, & many incidents, to leave. And yes, abusers always escalate the violence after the first time.

LEAVE HIM!! NOW!!

He's abusive- physically & emotionally- he won't change. Get out before it gets worse &/or he hurts your child.

Are you ok OP?

My husband would never ever touch me! I trust him with my life.

Surely that's the least you should ask for? If nothing else.

I'd be out of that door quicker than you could say.

OP are you okay?

Report to the police. Or get support from a trusted friend to do so. This is assault. The safety of you and your child is paramount. Leave him please. But do it safely. Again get support if you can. There are organisations that will help.

Advice ?

Phone the police, report the assault and tell police you want him to leave your home. They will escort him out, and down to the station.

While he is there, pack his bags and take them to police station.

Phone locksmith and get front and backdoor locks changed.

Phone solicitor to begin divorce proceedings.

P.S

He is nonchalant because he doesn't CARE that he hurt and scared you. He's blaming YOU for 'provoking' him, isn't he ?
And he thinks you should feel ready for sex ? And because you've said 'no' to sex, he's 'punishing' you by ignoring/ insulting you.

There is no way this just 'goes away', it gets worse..............

He's never 'lost it' like that with his boss has he ? That's because he CAN control his violent temper, but only when he WANTS to. Unfortunately, with you, he doesn't want to.

OP I hope that your post isn't real.

What you say here is a lesson to anyone about how a relationship can create a 'bubble' of normality where you can start to accept things that are completely unreasonable.

Loving partners do not behave like this.

Other threads demonstrate that emotional abuse - abuse of possessions is bad in itself but it tends to follow a well-worn path of escalation. Some partners behave like this and are then (apparently) very sorry. Sadly, this is no better than the chilling indifference shown by your partner.

Physical abuse is the next step. This ends badly for all - often very very badly indeed.

If you are in this situation - you know what you need to do to be safe and happy.

No-one deserves to live like this and no child should be subjected to any of it.

So what if the woman posted twelve hours earlier and didn't mention it? That just shied that she's been conditioned to acquit this behaviour as nothing out of the ordinary.

I was 19 and in an abusive relationship. One night my ex beat me, made me sleep in the garden and then we went to the hospital all smiles at 7am for me to be induced. What happened to me the night before was nothing unusual and so I just plastered a smile on and carried on as B normal.

When somebody discloses abuse, you believe them. You don't doubt them and go fishing to make out they are lying. That's their biggest fear- that they won't be believed and it can make a person put up with YEARS of extra abuse instead of trying to leave with support.

Why have my posts been deleted?

Troll hunting is not allowed.

You should have an email in your inbox.

Generally the guidance is, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Just my experience

Ok thank you.

I've not had an email but I didn't realise you can't troll hunt as I always see people on here calling out trolls if they've written a thread about something but then a next thread has different information in.

I will keep that in mind for the future, thanks.

Please leave.

@blanche85 - you are asking if you are unreasonable to be upset with your dh for assaulting you! Think about it that way, for a moment.

If someone else "...dug their nails so hard in to your skin they drew blood and left a mark/bruise...." and "grabbed you and threw you out the front door so forcefully that you have a bruise on your thigh..." would you think you were being unreasonable to be angry? Would you expect contrition and apology? Wouldn't you phone the police?