Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at DH for hurting me?

166 replies

blanche85 · 17/08/2020 21:26

My DH completely lost it a few days ago and smashed my toddler's table to pieces (not in front of him) and dug his nails so hard in to my skin he drew blood and left a mark/bruise. He grabbed me and threw me out the front door so forcefully that I have a bruise on my thigh.

He then completely ignored what had happened,just carrying on as normal. I was/still am angry and upset and sent him a message when I was at working telling him that he had hurt and scared me and asked if he was sorry and he replied with 'Sorry that I lost it and you got hurt'.

Then,nothing else. He is pestering me for sex,which I don't want,and he also told me not to sit next to him this morning because I was 'giving off bad vibes'.

I just hate how nonchalant he is about the whole thing. Any advice? Thanks.

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 17/08/2020 23:39

Violent and drew blood, now pestering for sex? I think you know the answer.

BlogTheBlogger · 17/08/2020 23:47

Yet you call him DH? Yabu just for that.
I've reported the thread as I want to know kind hearted posters aren't getting drawn in to yet another thread that ends up untrue.

Idontlikeyoghurt · 17/08/2020 23:56

Leave! He's a nasty bully. You deserve so much better and so does your child. You can do this. Do you have anyone you can go to? Hope you have some support.

SimplySteveRedux · 17/08/2020 23:57

Just adding to the chorus. He will hurt you again, he's done so before by coercion, emotional abuse, general kick-offs yes? He's the most dangerous of men, it will escalate, and one-day he will kill you.

Police, restraining order, and leave.

Please, please, please, be safe.

chickenyhead · 18/08/2020 00:00

He is acting like nothing happened here in order to pull the carpet out from under you.

It maddens you and makes you wonder if you imagined it. If you let this pass it will escalate.

He has shown you who he is and what he thinks of you.

You don't accidentally hurt someone like that.

Veryverycalmnow · 18/08/2020 00:04

I'm never one to say this, but LTB!

nc600 · 18/08/2020 00:09

So leave. The first time he's out of the house

Choccylips · 18/08/2020 00:15

I don't know how you can live with him. Get out while your still young and strong enough to start again. He is blaming you with the bad vibes thing, don't believe him for a minute he is abusing you physically and mentally, he is also hurting your child by destroying his belongings.

PeachGinMummy · 18/08/2020 00:20

Actually, I have some better advice than my previous post. Please run whilst you still know that this is wrong. Don't wait until you've had weeks/months/years of questioning and eventually believing that he's somehow justified or right in what he's doing. He's wrong. You are currently very aware of that. Keep that but of yourself alive.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 18/08/2020 00:22

FFS. Why are you still there to be pestered for sex.

Police and Women's Aid. Report. Have him arrested and told not to come back to your home. Ever.

Shit hot lawyer.

TitsOutForHarambe · 18/08/2020 00:24

Leave. Leave now. This is how it all starts. He will do this again and again and again until he's worn down everything that makes you who you are. There will come a time when you don't even question him hurting you because you'll think it's normal and that you deserve it.

Don't let him do that to you. End it now. Don't give him the chance to hurt you again.

TitsOutForHarambe · 18/08/2020 00:25

I agree with PP's who said contact the police. You should do it today so they can see the marks. If you are open and honest with them about what he's done to you then they will protect you.

MrsTumbletap · 18/08/2020 00:29

Oh my gosh OP, leave this nasty nasty man. No one should ever place their hands on you.

Leave before it gets worse.

CL240 · 18/08/2020 00:31

Oh wow. Leave & don't look back. He won't change. He sounds evil & controlling. And you seem conditioned to it by only stating "Should I be angry?"

Yes you should & you should leave him. Once he crosses the threshold of violence, he will 100% do it again.

ChumpsUnite06 · 18/08/2020 00:33

Hmm, not sure if I believe this, as you started this thread 12 hours earlier .www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3997879-DM-constantly-calling-my-DD-a-pretty-good-girl

sparklystarshinebright · 18/08/2020 00:33

This man is dangerous. The fact that he carries on as if nothing has happened and shows no remorse. This will escalate, it is not normal, you and your children are in danger. Please.get to a place of safety

YourWinter · 18/08/2020 00:38

OP you must know this is not ok, it's not normal to live like this - in a relationship where one person physically hurts the other in temper. But you ask if it's reasonable for you to be angry?

Be angry, yes. And be sensible. You cannot know it will never happen again. Or that he will hurt your child. You have to end this relationship, now and for ever, and not give him another chance to hurt you more next time. Maybe he'll hurt you less next time, and you'll think he's getting control of his temper, that you're learning to behave in a way that will not annoy him, and you'll think it's going pretty well. But the time will come when he WILL hurt you more. Why would you let your child learn that the most important female in his life, his mother, accepts being hurt by a man is ok? What on earth is that teaching him - he can grow up and push women around like that because they're never brave enough to say the first time is the last time, there won't be another chance. Don't give him that chance.

Jj2431 · 18/08/2020 00:54

Agree with everyone. He assaulted you. He is an abuser. He will not change. You cannot make it/him better. You will never tame him. You have a child. At the very least you need to leave this man so that he can never hurt you again. There will be a next time and before you know it he will grind you so far down you won't feel able to get out. You could end up dead eventually leaving your child without a mother or worse he could turn his temper onto your child.

ChaoticGouda · 18/08/2020 01:15

Jesus, I'm so sorry OP. :( That sounds completely terrifying and I hope you're recovering alright.

Breaking the property of you and your son, flying into violent rages, physically attacking you and then turning your own emotions against you ("bad vibes") are all serious red flags for future domestic violence.

There's a great book, Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, that's helped quite a few women really pick out the dangerous behaviour of their partners. Perhaps it could help you to fit the pieces together and make the best choice for you and your child.

www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Best wishes, and stay safe Flowers

clockwatcher247 · 18/08/2020 01:27

Now that he's crossed that line of hurting you, the next time it will be worse. The respect he had for you has gone and you need to be on your guard and watch for signs because I believe they'll come. Please don't feel you have to put up with this, it is unacceptable.

SimplySteveRedux · 18/08/2020 01:30

There's a great book, Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

Also Susan Forward - Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Loving Hurts And You Don't Know Why

CandyLeBonBon · 18/08/2020 02:06
Thanks
crowsfeet57 · 18/08/2020 02:45

Leave. Now.

ItsLateHumpty · 18/08/2020 03:15

Are you OK OP? I’m guessing these posts telling you to leave are difficult to read as they’re pretty unanimous.

No one is going to shout at you if, when you’re ready to post again, you haven’t chucked him out, changed the locks, had him arrested, etc. so I hope you realise that there’ll still be support here when you need it.

mathanxiety · 18/08/2020 03:30

Are you still there?

Are you safe?