If you're one of those magical "put together" people...

[overweightcat]

How do you do it?

I mean people that seem to be on the ball with most parts of their life, on time 99% of the time, never forget stuff, organised, in shape, great hair that's usually down and very rarely thrown up in a bun, great skin, well suited clothes, clean house, home cooked meals 90% of the time even if you both work, young DCs who don't look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards after 5 mins of arriving somewhere, always fairly relaxed and never too frazzled.

I know a few people / couples personally and I'm always really impressed with how they seem to have it sussed out.
Don't get me wrong I know people have issues and can go through stuff behind closed doors and some of the couples I know have gone through all sorts of hardships but they are all generally lovely and you can pop down to see them anytime and there won't be a difference between them in the comfort of their own house or in public IYKWIM?

What magic is this? Are you just on it 24/7? Or are you just very good at organisation?
Do you have tips for a wannabe like me?

@LaureBerthaud
“So your kids have 5 separate uniforms? 5 pairs trousers/skirts?”

They have 6, one for “best” ie school photo, open days etc

Five sets of uniform is sensible if you're working full time. My friend does this. I don't bother as I'm a sahm so can do washing throughout the week.

I'm confused about this uniform thing...Not the having 5 sets but rather, why you would label them Mon-Fri if they're all the same?

All bills paid by direct debit

Silver wrapping paper for all gifts

A box of birthday, sympathy, new home cards

Birthdays, anniversaries etc on Google Calendar

Keep on top of household tasks, little and often

Make curry x2 and put one in the freezer

Marie Kondo decluttering

Everything has a place. If you know where something belongs, it's a lot easier to keep tidy

I'm never late, don't forget things and organised. I like to think I'm well presented in that hair is cut regularly, always clean and blow dried but I don't do make up and I don't do anything appearance related that makes me uncomfortable or slow. I don't think I'm polished or particularly "done" but I'm never scruffy with dirty hair or a bun.

Absolutely no high heels here anymore, I used to work in a male oriented industry were weirdly the few women were "expected" to wear heels and I very quickly got sick of tottering along trying to keep up.

The house is clean and mostly tidy, the garden is lovely (IMHO).

DH and both I work full time and have no paid help, unless you count occasionally paying a decorator, we don't really do DIY.

I honestly don't feel a slave to it. I have a general satisfaction with "good enough" rather than perfection and if you keep on top of things none of this stuff actually takes very long. I reckon I spend about 2 hours a week on housework, DH does the washing and ironing. The garden probably about an hour every other weekend and my hair and beauty routine takes no more than 20 min each morning, including shower, plus one visit a month for eyelash tint and eyebrows, waxing and a haircut every six weeks or so

A bit of planning helps you get more done, I think. It's about prioritising your time. I don't think it's down to money at all, you'll do what you feel is a priority to you.

Having stuff ready or events booked in advance means things are much more likely to happen. We get to do more fun things because they are booked and we are ready.

Appearance-wise I agree that a few well-chosen outfits often look better than a larger wardrobe of mix and match pieces - I noticed this on someone who always looked pulled together and she didn't actually have a massive amount of clothes. She tended to wear the same combinations of clothes and makeup (that looked good) and therefore always looked fab. Better quality clothes would help here, but it's more about making sure everything works well together - the overall look.

Another poster mentioned faffing - last night I saw an Instagram post about an activity we did last October, it's running again (but in a home-based format due to lockdown issues!). Saw it, asked DD if she wanted to do it again - yes - booked it and paid for it. Done. The people who faff around IME tend to not actually get around to doing any of the potentially interesting stuff they talk about.

Two things which help for me: remain childfree,

childfree is the key probably!

I'm never late, generally on the ball, house is well organised and clean, 2 year old always looks well presented- nursery organised, HV checks booked in advance because id rather have them in the diary. Part of it is chronic stress and anxiety where I should probably work on chilling the fuck out a bit. I tend to look cobbled together so have started ordering the odd stitch fix box and having less but nicer clothing. I use a lot of apps for organising money, presents and family time (time tree, gift list etc) which helps a lot. I have also found (like others) that a divide and conqueror no faff approach helps. I make DH do bedtime for DD now so I can spend an hour of her wind down and bedtime whizzing round the house, exercising or doing guided meditation. I also use a meal planner whiteboard so we generally eat well because i know what to take out the freezer in the morning.

I'm not great at the fashion and beauty side of things, but a few things that have really helped me:

• have a box of gifts and birthday cards so you don't get caught out by unexpected birthdays/hostess gifts.
• keep your bag packed, so you're not scrabbling around for things. We have a beach bag, swimming pool bag, days out bag with all the bits you need in them so you can just pick them up and go. Wash and restock straight away you get in so they're ready for next time.
• use Trello/OneNote or similar to have a running list of household admin. Delegate tasks to your partner so you're not doing it all yourself.
• declutter viciously.
• don't over-buy kids clothes. everything should be easy to mix & match and wash.
• always be low-level tidying your home. Don't go upstairs empty handed, try to leave each room better than when you went into it.

Some great tips on here!
I think I need to give myself a kick up the backside.

To PPs I'm not aspiring to be something I'm not at the cost of my sanity but I know myself when I have been organised and sorted in the past I've felt 100x better and actually had a clearer mind and was less stressed in day to day life including with DCs so I'd really love for it to be something I can do long term.

I think a routine is key as I'm terrible at last minute stuff. I might have to start planning...

I find these threads fascinating and I think it must all somehow come down to genes.

I do lots of these things already but I can't say they have turned me into a never stressed effortless person.

• For example I do the beach-ready/days-out bag thing in the boot of the car. But when we get to our destination there'll probably be SOMETHING we need that's not actually in it, or DH will have used up the spare bottles of water behind my back or something.

• Or I have my wardrobe culled right down with good basics that all go together - but I still don't look like perfectly put together woman. I just look unsatisfyingly like me, wearing clothes.

• I am good at the home cooking thing and it works well for us but it's not flawless and batch cooking does take up a bit of time and causes mess. Plus you have to spend a bit of time rotating stock in freezer etc.

• I have 3 children and despite keeping on top of them tidiness wise, it's still genetics. One will always look fabulously put together, one passable but needs to keep on top of it, and one just wild.

What I mean is, the plan is never executed fabulously as one might think.

I have one friend like in the OP and I just marvel at her levels of energy, and perfect hair. No family help, no secret cleaner. Nothing in her house looks run down or shabby. Everything stays pristine and intentional.

I don't think she does much sitting on her bum drinking wine, now, but she's still perfectly capable of having a good time and finding time for herself despite a very busy job and household.Just some weird magic I'm convinced.

Oh, and the one thing that strikes me with these people is the lack of wasted effort.
Like my friend doesn't spend shitloads of money making her home and family look lovely: she just has a great eye and finds bargains. her decisions seem to always work out well.

Whereas my husband and I might spend weeks deliberating over something, researching, trying to do it right and then when we get it it turns out it's a bit shit after all.

What I struggle with is the planning aspect. I've also been very spontaneous & would feel weird booking a holiday even 6 months in advance. How do I change that?

The bottom line here is no one has an infinite amount of time and energy. So (aside from having lots of help) if you’re using a lot of your time and energy on organisational skills, preening, cleaning, cooking etc then other things are falling by the wayside. I personally feel it is more important that I spend time with my children rather than make sure I look my best each day, or that my house is immaculate at any given moment. It’s all a balance. Although some people are just born with perfect hair!

@toodlesmoon

What I struggle with is the planning aspect. I've also been very spontaneous & would feel weird booking a holiday even 6 months in advance. How do I change that?

If you prefer to be spontaneous, that's fine. No need to change unless you want to

I am a bit like this - I live in a clean house, rarely forget things, always have home-cooked meals and am pretty organised generally. I am in reasonable shape though certainly not super stylish! DH and I both work FT and have two small children (though I am currently on furlough). I think that the "magic" comes partly from natural tendencies / talents / characteristics and partly from intentional choices. In my case:

Good skin / hair / clothes: I have naturally good skin (always have done) but I also don't drink alcohol, have never smoked, drink loads of water and eat pretty healthily. I don't generally wear make-up so my skin stays clear. My hair has a naturally good texture (soft fine curls) and I have learned what I can and cannot do to it. I keep it simple in terms of clothes which helps me to look relatively put together most of the time.

Clean house: We a cleaner who comes once per week for three hours and does all the big jobs (bathrooms, mopping, dusting etc). But in between DH and I always clean as we go - tidy things away straight away, clean surfaces etc while cooking, put stuff straight into the dishwasher / laundry etc, fold and put away clothes straight away. We also vacuum the whole flat really regularly (two small children = lots of food mess and garden dirt!) - helped by the fact that we live in a mid-sized three bed flat rather than a giant house.

Home-cooked meals: I love cooking so this is not a chore for me. I meal plan for a full week and do one big weekly shop (with the occasional top up). Batch cook for the children so there is loads of stuff in the freezer for them (especially one year old DD). Prepare weekday lunches for the whole week. Eat the same / similar foods for breakfast every day.

Organised: I am naturally organised, but I also make loads of lists / spreadsheets / calendar reminders. I actually hate spontaneity and surprises of all kinds, which means that it comes naturally to me to plan everything in advance.

Obviously, I am hugely helped by the fact that a lot of these things come naturally to me. However, there are also two key things that DON'T come naturally, but that I have chosen to do:

1. Just get on with it. Don't sit down and put your feet up until the task is done. For example, DH and I often fold laundry after we have put the kids to bed - we do this BEFORE we sit down / eat dinner / relax for the evening.

1. Have routines for everything, ideally shared between you and the other adults / capable children in your house. DH and I tag team on EVERYTHING - we both have clear areas of responsibility in terms of the overall management of the house (e.g. he does everything to do with the car, I do everything to do with the mortgage) and we also have clear rhythms for day-to-day stuff with the kids (e.g. the person feeding baby DD her dinner sits with both kids while the other person runs the kids' bath and gets DS' milk - we can both take either role seamlessly).

I forgot the other secret - removing time-wasting activities. In my case I think that no social media (outside of the odd bit of MN) and no alcohol definitely help. I don't really enjoy either of these so this is not a hardship.

@notanothertakeaway I'm finding i'm disadvantaged though now that I have dc because all the nice holiday cottages are booked up way in as advance or by the time I've discovered frozen on ice it's sold out. So I need to change a bit.

[quote toodlesmoon]@notanothertakeaway I'm finding i'm disadvantaged though now that I have dc because all the nice holiday cottages are booked up way in as advance or by the time I've discovered frozen on ice it's sold out. So I need to change a bit. [/quote]
I like to plan ahead, but if you prefer to be spontaneous, then maybe try to plan some of the big things that matter to you, and leave other stuff to chance

There's this thing called the 2 min rule.
If something takes less than 2 minutes, do it now, don't question it.

There's also the 5 min rule.
If there's something you don't want to do, just do it for 5 minutes. The odds are that after 5 minutes, you'll be perfectly fine just keeping doing it.
But give it the 5 first minutes.

Lots of paid or family support- frequently unseen

This. They just don’t let you know about it.

FastFood

All those 2 min and 5 min jobs add up.
In this house it would be one two min job after another. All day long.

I look like a mess but I’m very organised professionally. The key is not having kids 😁

I would guess that I come across like this sometimes

But we have LOTS of family support and they happily take children out for at least 1 day a week

And have a cleaner twice a week who cleans/tidies/does washing etc

[quote Edinburghfalls]@rvby what a list. But all makes sense.

Do you have a trusted brand for your staple jumpsuits?[/quote]
It was a very long post, in my defence I wrote on my phone and didn't realise how much I was banging on!

I'm non UK, but fwiw I get my yoga/sportswear type jumpsuits from an online only brand called Namastetics.

When I'm making more effort, Kobi Halperin makes my favourite jumpsuits, he has done some in lovely thick supportive material that hides all manner of sins, in bright colours. Not sure if available in UK.

For dresses, Rixo (UK) for splurge, certain styles from Bardot (Australian) for a bit cheaper.

Another rule I have for shopping is that I prefer to spend much more, much less often, and only on things that I actively adore wearing. I have to feel like a total babe in something before I buy it - even slobby loungewear has to pass this test.