If you're one of those magical "put together" people...

[overweightcat]

How do you do it?

I mean people that seem to be on the ball with most parts of their life, on time 99% of the time, never forget stuff, organised, in shape, great hair that's usually down and very rarely thrown up in a bun, great skin, well suited clothes, clean house, home cooked meals 90% of the time even if you both work, young DCs who don't look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards after 5 mins of arriving somewhere, always fairly relaxed and never too frazzled.

I know a few people / couples personally and I'm always really impressed with how they seem to have it sussed out.
Don't get me wrong I know people have issues and can go through stuff behind closed doors and some of the couples I know have gone through all sorts of hardships but they are all generally lovely and you can pop down to see them anytime and there won't be a difference between them in the comfort of their own house or in public IYKWIM?

What magic is this? Are you just on it 24/7? Or are you just very good at organisation?
Do you have tips for a wannabe like me?

So your kids have 5 separate uniforms? 5 pairs trousers/skirts?

I do this, means clean uniform each day & one wash a week. I don't buy 5x school tshirt & jumper, I buy 2 of those & then the other 3 non logo option from Asda or wherever.

My mum is effortlessly one of these people and works incredibly hard. She had similar expectations of me and taught me how to do things for myself at a relatively young age so they would just become long life habits

So

1. Keeping the house clean involves cleaning as I go, tidying up the night before and washing and putting away dishes, mopping the floor and wiping down surfaces every night. I then so the rest of the house and hoovering and dusting is done in the morning before work. I also find the earlier I do it, it's out of the way and I enjoy my day and clean house.
2. I cook every night, meal planning and just genuinely enjoying it. Not a chore but easily relaxing
3. I always iron my clothes. Quicker to do each load as it is done. Also folding clothes immediately means they mostly need light ironing as they are almost cease free. I keep two sets of washing baskets for dirty clothes and clean folded clothes (which go in the airing cupboard until I have a few mins to iron them). Put them away immediately.
4. Make lists and prepack everything. Labels help as well.
5. Mend and repair clothes as soon as any stitching comes undone
6. A good hairdresser is worth her weight in gold
7. Best thing my mum ever taught me. Get a good tailor. Simple tailoring to your clothes can make a world of difference so things fit well and it doesn't cost a fortune, but hemmed sleeves (if too long) or adjusting the waist etc., make a world of difference.

I think it’s a combination of genes, luck, personality, and money.

I’m on the ball, on time 100%, never forget stuff, organised – that’s just innate personality stuff and feeds into what I do for a job. I’m a bit Type A and obsessive, hate mess and chaos, so my house is generally clean, tidy and Kondoed – it’s something I prioritise over, say, nights out or the gym. Breastfeeding keeps me thin. It’s also genetic. WFH so everything is cooked from scratch because I’ve got time and it’s a priority to me and I enjoy it; lack of commute means I’m not frazzled. Also earn a decent salary and have easy hours – that’s luck and privilege.

But! My hair always looks terrible – it’s thinning and frizzy and lank, thanks – and though my clothes suit (I work in fashion), I never have that “polish” the people you’re talking have, that sort of Kate Middleton Rich Person gleam.

And DD is the DIRTIEST CHILD ON THE PLAYGROUND. She really lets the side down. No matter how I aim to be the person/family in your OP, DD will aim for the nearest bramble to get her hair caught, smear mud up her arms, sit in a puddle, cover herself in banana, and rampage until she looks like Pig Pen. We’ve never knowingly arrived anywhere without someone looking surprised at her appearance and going “Oh, dear, what happened?”

1. I outsource a lot of things - we have a nanny, a cleaner, I send our bedding out to be washed and ironed etc etc

2. I have a DH who does more than his fair share

3. I don't feel guilty about taking time for myself - I take one day a week where the kids are with the nanny, DH is at work and I do something just for myself, even if that's just staying in bed until midday watching crap TV

I inherited great skin from my mum who is sixty and looks twenty years younger and has never used anything but cheapest cream in her life.

I simply like organizing things. Reading Mumsnet I have discovered many women hate mental load - I love it. I would probably divorce my husband if he started planing our meals, organizing Christmas, our holidays, days out, doctor's appointments... In two weeks I'll go with my son to buy him autumn clothes and we'll have lunch and make a day of it. We both love it and if my husband suddenly decided he wants to do that, I'd be very cross. He'll look after the baby while we have our day out.

And I'm early riser - I can't sleep past 6 am so before everybody wakes up I go for a run, on return I buy things I need, empty the dishwasher, prepare oatmeal breakfast, prepare food for lunch, put laundry to wash....

And I'm SAHM and my husband is great help so I get plenty of free time.

On the other hand, my mum was like that with 10 hour job ans most awful husband. How did she do it? Well, she taught me to clean like a pro since I was 7. So...

www.facebook.com/MANWHOHASITALL/

This thread has been a bit of an eye opener for me. I don't see myself as a particularly 'put together' person. I opened this thread wanting to know how 'those' women do it. But strangely, reading the responses I've found myself thinking "oh yeah, I do that too...and that...and that...and that... always done that...doesn't everyone do that??" It turns out I am actually quite a lot more organised and put together than I think! I tend to focus on the areas where I feel I should be doing more, doing better or faster instead of just giving myself credit for juggling working 4 days a week, studying and parenting two small children and still managing to keep things ticking over at home . It hadn't occurred to me that while I'm beating myself up about trivial things that no one except me is likely to notice, others might be looking at me and thinking I've got everything sussed.

Actually my DH I mentioned earlier is dyslexic and I'm sure this is associated with his organisational skills.

I don't think there's a single answer but it does involve personality type, a certain amount of either time or money to get ahead of the game, and some focus on making life easier. Serious distractions like family health issues can torpedo your efforts.

Someone mentioned having a decent bed and good storage/kitchen that are easy to keep tidy. We have always been really keen on storage, every house we've lived in has been festooned with shelves, hooks, improved cupboards, even if made of plywood. Being in rented accommodation where you can't organise your space is really difficult.

@DarkMutterings I have a theory that this use of extreme coping mechanisms for the executive function bit of dyslexia, dyspraxia, etc is one of the reasons for under diagnosis in women, as well as "disability imposter syndrome". We know that in order to be a "successful" woman (to be well regarded in the workplace, or to look like a "good mother") we must present an organised front, even when we find it difficult, so we find ways around it. For women, too, if you work and run a home, it is (frustratingly) much less societally accepted than for men that you can be a great worker but useless around the house - for most of us that's just not feasible

Not to say men don't use similar coping mechanisms! Just that the ones I know seem to be less concerned about having everything organised and put together at home etc

burritofan Your daughter sounds so happy and loved, and as is if she is having a wonderful childhood. Also a bit like stories I've heard about my own mother at that age. If your daughter grows up like my mum, I'm sure you will be a very happy person.

Single parent, 2 toddler one teenager and one full time job.

Everybody thinks I'm "together" and it's only because the second one things falls out of place everything comes crashing down.

5.45 wake up and have a 15 minute coffee with a news catch up

6.00 put the washing out that I programmed to start at 4am to be ready

6.15 pilates/weights

7.00 kids up, eating breakfast

7.20 everyone dressed

7.30 nursery/school run

8.00 quick gym/shower/prepare work stuff

9.00 work

5.00 pick everyone up

5.20 family catch up/homework check

5.30 dinner

6.00 homework/reading

6.45 baths

7.15 youngest in bed

7.30 second one in bed

7.45 lunches prepared and uniform hung downstairs/check school bags

8.15 gym/run/tv

9.15 teen in bed reading. My TV time/shower

10.30 me in bed!

And repeat.

Saturday: day out/homework they haven't done during after school club time

Sunday: boys see dad from 10-5. House clean, gym, relax, ironing, bed changes, etc. Sunday evening I do absolutely nothing.

Haircuts every 6 weeks, basic smart work wardrobe that can be mixed and matched. 4 kallax boxes of toys, no toys or food in bedrooms, clear outs every few months,

Honestly, sometimes I'd rather have a life that I didn't need to micromanage but I have ADHD and OCD (not the excessively tidy type sadly!) and DS5 has autism so the routine really suits us and avoids meltdowns.

I’m trying to be this person! What amazes me sometimes is what other women assume we are like without really knowing (as a pp mentioned).
For example, a really confident mum who I really admire told me recently she doesn’t know how I have my children looking so clean in pastel colours and she always wonders how I do it! I was amazed by this because I worry they look a bit messy as we go to the park a lot so it just shows! Another acquaintance I know said they think I’m so patient with my children when I know I’m not always like that. Meanwhile, I’m worrying about my lack of effort with my own appearance, my weight and lots of other things but these two mums were seeing snapshots and thinking better of me (hope that makes sense!) I have to tell myself that these perfect people probably aren’t as perfect as they seem!

@julybaby32 What a lovely thing to hear! Thank you. She is an extremely cheery soul, which makes me happy, even if my sofas/walls/carpets will never be the same again!

OP, what about being this person appeals to you? (Other than the great hair.) I think we’d all like to be less frazzled, but I truly think you can only be the breezy, on-time, life-together person if it’s your natural inclination, otherwise it’s a struggle. Life’s easier if you go with the flow of who you are, I think.

"At the beginning of the year I also buy a bunch of neutral birthday cards, good luck cards, new baby cards, anniversary cards etc.. so won’t be caught short throughout the year if any of these events crop up."

I sell greeting cards as a sideline and lots of my customers are the organised types posting on here, they will plan for the months ahead, stock up on kids cards for those generic party invites, anniversary cards, get well cards etc.

My plan today is to finally get to grips with the calendar on my phone and use that - I'm really organised at work but it hasn't quite translated into home yet.

I'm not like this now but when I was or people I know who are like this it's a very organised lifestyle, they are very tidy, have a few shortcuts and everything is prepared etc.

For me when I did this, it's doable but it's quite tiring to ensure that you've got the tea/coffee prepared to take to work in a reusable cup, leftovers or sandwiches to take to work etc. I always ensured I had one 'treat' day where I didn't have to make sandwiches which was my 'night out' drinking at the pub.

People I know who do this, either don't vary from the norm (hairstyle) because it's too much hassle to do this etc. I've got a friend who for years had the same hairstyle and style of clothes as she was the main carer for her 'on the spectrum' DS and DD and a single DM, she was also a dogwalker/carer for one elderly man, works Saturdays in a bank and worked as a dinner lady at a school. She told me she kept her hair in a bob, didn't follow fashion or go out much as she didn't feel confident about herself or to be in a relationship. She met a TA romantically at work (another story) started going out with work colleagues after work and then gradually grew her hair, bought trendier clothes etc. She said she had to have a routine for her day to day life especially with her DS who went to a special school as his routine was very specific.

@thesnailandthewhale

"At the beginning of the year I also buy a bunch of neutral birthday cards, good luck cards, new baby cards, anniversary cards etc.. so won’t be caught short throughout the year if any of these events crop up."

I sell greeting cards as a sideline and lots of my customers are the organised types posting on here, they will plan for the months ahead, stock up on kids cards for those generic party invites, anniversary cards, get well cards etc.

My plan today is to finally get to grips with the calendar on my phone and use that - I'm really organised at work but it hasn't quite translated into home yet.

I buy cards when I need them but also extras too and spares e.g. of tissue/wrapping paper and keep them in one place so I'm never caught short. I do have generic gifts spare like candles, pots, vases too, all unused and with labels on.

Over lockdown it's been Moonpig until recently though.

I know a few like this, super organised but dull with it.

I'm not like this but when my ds was a baby, I went back to work and for a brief period had my shit together I remember a woman I worked with commenting that I always looked nice and how did I manage it when I was working full time with a baby...I got up at 6.30am and put my full face of make up on in four minutes...I also got my hair washed and blow dried at a salon in my lunch hour. It was expensive! I was also in my twenties and had lots of energy

I also got my hair washed and blow dried at a salon in my lunch hour.

You did WHAAAAT????!!!!!

I have NEVER heard of anyone doing this before. How often?

Two things which help for me: remain childfree, have high disposable income! So I have a cleaner, can take taxis if I am ever running late, do a HoC appointment to find out what suits me and colour co-ordinate my wardrobe so everything goes together, get all items tailored so it all fits perfectly etc. Etc.

Obviously these are not necessary ingredients but they help for me!

Otherwise:

-YY to buying presents for people throughout the year. I keep an eye out for eg White Company or Oliver Bonas sales to buy slightly generic things which I know people will like

• I always keep fabric ribbon and metallic wrapping paper, suitable for all occasions
• always have a few spare bottles of fizz (I buy when there is an offer) for unexpected house parties or birthdays
• I spent money kitting out storage space so everything has its place
• Always wear perfume
• I am an early morning person, regularly up at 5am just because I wake up then.

-I spent a fair bit of time relaxing/reading/MN-ing but that time is explicitly set aside for that. My social diary is organised weeks in advance - with time for 'me' also carved out. Otherwise, a spare 10/15 mins is never wasted - I may do the washing up or organise a drawer.

• batch cooking for the week

@CallmeAngelina

I also got my hair washed and blow dried at a salon in my lunch hour.

You did WHAAAAT????!!!!!

I have NEVER heard of anyone doing this before. How often?

Pre-lockdown I sometimes did this too on Friday lunchtimes if I had a full weekend of seeing friends/going out! The hair would look lovely for Friday evening if I was going out for work and also looked great on Saturday and Sunday. A good curly blow dry can look really lovely the next couple of days after sleeping on it too as it has that looser curl look so you can get 2.5/3 days of bouncy sexy hair after a blow dry sometimes!

Sorry, going out straight after work* that was supposed to say

@CallmeAngelina

Twice a week...I have really thick hair which takes me over an hour to wash and style myself. I left my house at 7.30am to get my ds to his child minders and would get home at 6.30pm and have to get my ds to bed, cook dinner and clean the house and didn't want to waste my evenings or mornings washing my hair.

I'm not that put together, but I'm organised in that I always know where things are. This is due to habitually putting things in the same place. My keys always go on the hall console table, passport always in my underwear drawer, bills and life admin in the correct folder. I empty my pockets or bag when I get home. I keep things that I need regularly (bank card readers/travel card etc) out and visible.