If you're one of those magical "put together" people...

[overweightcat]

How do you do it?

I mean people that seem to be on the ball with most parts of their life, on time 99% of the time, never forget stuff, organised, in shape, great hair that's usually down and very rarely thrown up in a bun, great skin, well suited clothes, clean house, home cooked meals 90% of the time even if you both work, young DCs who don't look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards after 5 mins of arriving somewhere, always fairly relaxed and never too frazzled.

I know a few people / couples personally and I'm always really impressed with how they seem to have it sussed out.
Don't get me wrong I know people have issues and can go through stuff behind closed doors and some of the couples I know have gone through all sorts of hardships but they are all generally lovely and you can pop down to see them anytime and there won't be a difference between them in the comfort of their own house or in public IYKWIM?

What magic is this? Are you just on it 24/7? Or are you just very good at organisation?
Do you have tips for a wannabe like me?

You want Boffinmums book on how to organise your life.

www.amazon.co.uk/Austerity-Housekeeping-Sandra-Bradley-ebook/dp/B00ASDW1U6?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

You don't actually have to follow it to the letter but it's an insight into how magically put together lives happen . Massive organisation.

You need to cut some slack but try and find one or two things you are good at and take pride in them.

@Rosehassometoes - Eugh! Although are you sure it was a used one?! I have heard of a few women putting fake towels in beds to avoid people sleeping in their bed when living in flat shares!

DH is phenomenally organised both in work and domestic life. I think he kind of has a chess like ability to think ahead and sort of hold a plan in his head, so he will have noticed things and done them already while I am staring baffled at an empty fridge. He doesn't faff about either.

@Bear65 I think so, it was attached to a pair of pants....good idea though 😬

BestZebbie-

‘The other thing I am super organised about it recording - every 'thing' my son does (reading books, homeschool tasks this spring, hours put into hobby lessons/progress etc) gets listed on documents on my computer (very briefly!) so I have a log that can be printed off and handed over whenever relevant - it turns out to be usefully relevant really often now that I actually have that info at my fingertips.’

I am wondering why you would need to record all of this? It’s never occurred to me with my kids, when has it been useful?

I worked full time until recently, ran my own business so had to be very on the ball particularly time wise. I work to an appointment book so always have one eye on the time. This spills over into my personal life, and I task according to time slots. I know how long each task will take so can plan getting ready to the last second.
Fortunately I have to wear my hair up for work but hairdresser knows this and always cuts it so it can be tied up or let down. He is worth his weight in gold, my hair looked just as good at the end of lockdown as it did at the beginning. I do have to straighten it but again hairdresser has brilliant products that mean once straightened it’s good for a few days.
Makeup, I have developed a five minute routine using powder based, light foundation. I go for a natural look. Evening or going out makeup takes more time. Always keep a selection of lipsticks in my bag or in the car for emergencies.
I don’t sit on paperwork from school, I fill in forms and return immediately. Although most are emailed now so can be done online on my phone. I also enter everything onto my phone diary.
DH is now SAHP so he is in charge of lists. He also does most of the housework and school runs. We have a planner in the kitchen for all dates and plans. I use the time waiting for DS at sports training sessions to do paperwork.
At home I slob but I would never dream of wearing gym kit or tracksuits to go out. All clothing is worn appropriately. I had let things slide over the years but decided to get my act together. I don’t do glamorous but do like casual smart.
Always wear perfume, I work in healthcare and see lots of people daily. The women and men who have always made an impression always dress carefully and stylishly ( not fashionably) and wear beautiful perfume.
I am the worlds worse procrastinator but I always function better under pressure. It’s all about timing and despite DH always moaning that we’ll be late because I’ve left everything until the last minute I’m always sat waiting for him in the car.
I currently have a pile of clean washing the bed to sort. It will get done before 10pm along with making lunch for work tomorrow.
I’ve not always been so organised. But as the saying goes if you want something done give it to a busy woman.
I recently sold the business and started working part time. The biggest adjustment was the frustration of having so much time on my hands. I’m so used to trying to fit everything in, now I have more time I find myself clock watching waiting for time to pass. Lockdown was horrendous, I can’t wait until the schools go back and a bit of pressure to return.

The ability to prioritise and delegate.

I’m vain so I prioritise my wardrobe/skin etc. I have regular haircuts, eyebrow threading and I do my own nails. I have a summer and a winter wardrobe and I pack away each seasons clothing. Same with shoes. I iron all our clothes on a Sunday eve while we watch something. I get some of my clothes tailored to fit better.

I have a cleaner weekly.

I have a gardener monthly.

I use amazon prime for all birthdays etc and have reminders set on my phone.

I bulk buy cards, wrappings, little gifts as I go.

I have a standard fortnightly shopping list, and then a list which DH and I add too as hoc to supplement.

I get up at 7am and exercise most days and I often do another evening class 2/3times a week. Children are asleep at 7am, DS will join in the evening ones. DD will amuse herself. Children are 11,8.

I set short, med and long term goals for lots of things. And have this list visible and DH and I talk about them and how to reach them.

I work 30h/wk and only term time only. On the one day off I have a week I spend a portion of it bulk making food for the freezer and catching up on errands.

@alangarneristerrifying - thank you but I'm not that grown up, I'll let you know how I do as life expands! You nail it exactly- the "have it always or I'll forget" nature of being a praxi. You feel you're doing the bare minimum to cover your scatty, dyspraxic ass & find out that everyone is terrified of your "superior powers of organisation" - especially if their sterotype/expectation of dyspraxia is physical disorganization and mes- then you get a satisfaction from being "better than that". I think we learn we need to be this way and make it a coping mechanism/habit.

@Buttercup77 I agree with all of your points, too. So many handy hints on this thread!!

My sister in law is like this. Beautifully wrapped gifts, immaculate house, planning everything, expert at buying bargains. I assume she enjoys doing it all. It seems really dull to me. I’m not very appearance conscious though and although my organisation skills are good, I don’t enjoy using them. I’d rather be reading.

In my experience their cars are usually skips. Something has to give

I love threads like this, you always learn something on them. I’m not one of the uber stand out ones but I manage with two kids a full time very stressful help and zero help or family support.

In terms of beauty/makeup I tint my eyebrows and eye lashes and lift them. Hence no mascara and save time. I use Botox, drink lots of water and take good care of my skin so minimal makeup.
On a Sunday uniforms are ironed and put on one hanger for each weekday. The hangers are named Mon-Fri. The have everything including underwear, socks, and PE/swimming kit. I do the same for my work clothes. I always wear dresses to work. Underwear, tights, dress done! Takes no time at all. I go salon for nails and hair. I have short nails as I prefer but they are always “done”. I enjoy skin/beauty/nails/makeup to me that’s mindfulness. After a long and stressful day at work I can hours searching for the perfect Coral lip colour.
I’ve worked really hard on procrastination.
I do this by default and am learning to tackle it. When o think about something that needs doing I do it immediately if it takes less than 5min. So instead of writing “email Tom” on todo list I just do it.
I pack work bags and school/nursery bag the night before and take them out to the car.

My to do list never ends but I find it satisfying.

I like sitting down too much. I will never be that person, but I do fake it and get away with it most of the time! Except the hair - my hair is naturally wavy, but the frizzy Monica in Friends wave not the natural beach curl type. My hair looks passable but it always an inclement weather episode away from disaster.

I am that person. Not because I want to be, but because being organised helps me feel calm. Chaos is my kryptonite. I grew up in chaos. The adult life I've built is ordered and organised because that's what I need to survive happily.

However, and this sounds smug but really isn't intended to be, it is far easier to be organised, unruffled and calm when you're fortunate enough to be able to afford certain things which make it easy. We have a gardener, cars which never break down, a dog walker, a lovely house that's easy to maintain, parents who help us with DC, money for holidays and 'fun'. It is far less easy to be one of 'those' types when your life is a struggle, in any way, so whilst chaos isn't something I cope with, I wouldn't judge those who do.

@worriedwellworrier I was wondering exactly what that would come in useful for too! It sounds like extra effort for no benefit to me : but I may be wrong!

Don't ask me because I'm a lazy arse but this woman has it down to a tee

I'm convinced it's because they have awesome beds and no sleep disorders.

If you have an awesome bed, it doesn't matter how tired you are, you are going to get an amazingly refreshing sleep - if your sleep is good quality, it's much easier to function on just 2-4 sleep cycles (so 3 - 6 hours) and then you have time to get things sorted, wash your hair, do your makeup, get the ironing done, etc, whilst having the power to think beyond 'Christ, I feel like shit, how can it be morning already?' and mentally plan their day/week/month/life.

They've also got well planned kitchens (no matter how old) where you can reach whatever you need and prepare things/clean up easily, so no scrambling about whilst cooking or struggling for space to put shopping.

Recently it's been useful for things like

• being able to see when milestones were reached as they fade into the past and so assess progress (mostly as in, it took x weeks between this and that but y weeks between that and the other)
• things like scout badges/arts award etc where you need to "show ongoing commitment to x", the child's commitment is the same as if you didn't have a log but the 'proof' is easier.
• I've been able to give the school a summary of what we have covered at home since March to stick in the back of his school folder for this year (I asked if this was appropriate and was told it would be very welcome/useful).

These are the first examples that come to mind but I believe there have also been others...if only I'd kept a note I'd know! :-) :-)

They probably don't collapse in a heap of toys after the kids bedtime with a Jenny Colgan novel and a large glass of wine, but just keep going. Or go to bed themselves so they don't wake up in the morning wondering if they can get through another day doing the absolute minimum.

@rvby what a list. But all makes sense.

Do you have a trusted brand for your staple jumpsuits?

Also, wrt the posts about dyspraxia/anxiety - my organisation is totally founded on the same basis, I have episodes of illness flare where I can suddenly lose a week or two of productivity/executive function with no warning, so I work two weeks ahead in case I suddenly (metaphorically) skip forward and find I've arrived there. For big planning events like Christmas or a holiday abroad I want presents wrapped and cases packed weeks in advance because imagine the stress of being pretty much in hand on December 17th and then having a big sleep and surprise! Here are all your relatives and it is the 24th now.

I'm not one of these people but I think the ones that you're referring to have more money and help than you think.
They can afford good quality clothes that are well fitting for them and their DC. They have a cleaner, and a regular babysitter either paid or a grandparent.
They spend quite a bit on keeping their nails and hair tidy and look after their diet. I don't think it's as effortless as it looks and I think it involves a fair whack of cash.

On a Sunday uniforms are ironed and put on one hanger for each weekday. The hangers are named Mon-Fri

So your kids have 5 separate uniforms? 5 pairs trousers/skirts?

I don't think it always comes down to money TBH.

We grew up in a fairly deprived area with both parents working minimum wage-ish jobs, so money was tight. My mum was always immaculate, as were her three DC, as was our house. She was super organized, worked and made home cooked meals 6 days per week. She just had her shit together!

In contrast I live a fairly comfortable existence. No money worries, send my DC to nursery two days per week just to have a break, so I have the time and money to get myself together and yet I still haven't managed it?!

The difference between us that I can see is that she's much, much quicker than me at basically everything, even now she's approaching 60. I frustrate the life out of her I'm sure, as it takes me ten times as long to do basic tasks that she simply whizzes through.

The main difference though is that she really cares what people think of her and would rather die than have anyone think she was lazy. This is what really spurs her on I reckon.

I, on the other hand, really don't care enough what people think 🤷‍♀️ I wish I did! Life might be less chaotic and disorganized.

I'm fascinated by the connection others are making to dyslexia etc.
I've always got a running commentary in my head, of what needs to be done next, compartmentalising what's going on today and then things happening in the future. I've trained my self to do things as soon as I can - deal with the email when it arrives, fill in the form, rsvp to the invite.
I remember as a kid being scatty and I'd procrastinate, forget or get overwhelmed. People are always astounded when I say I'm dyslexic but having things in order is my shield against it. Over the years I've learnt lots of tricks to make it seem like I'm always 'together' they are so much part of me now.

Appearance - I know what works, and I just stopped impulse buying. I can be ready and out the door in 10 minutes for pretty much any occasion. I'm not a blazer/flats type but it's a similar idea, have a collection of clothes than suit and be ruthless about getting rid of anything that is old, stained, doesn't work. I'm relatively slim and have short hair - again cut into something that works for me based on my hair type/face

House - same idea, ruthlessly get rid of stuff. Everything has its place and is cleaned and put back after it's used. My kids are teens, there's a small box of toys left over for friends kids if they visit - everything else gone. I don't pre buy gifts but I know exactly where to go in the neighbourhood- I've a florist down the road, he can wrap a bouquet or plant in 5 mins that I pick up as I head out to visit friends, teen kids really just want a game card from the newsagent, or I've a handful of online shops that sell 'lovely' gifts and can be ordered in a few minutes.

Kids - easier as teens but I never over schedule them - they chose a couple of things to do after school and the week schedule includes those - lots of down time but never late or unprepared for what they had committed to. Homework and projects now go on the household calendar.

Household calendar - it's the gospel in our house, it contains everything (dates, to do's, reminders) and sits on the kitchen counter accessible to everyone. I toyed with on line but there is something about the physical act of writing down that works better for me

Work/school etc - I get to work by 8, 1 hour sorting email and what I'm going to do that day before every else comes in. If I miss that I always feel like I'm chasing my tail. Like a PP pick a thing at your kids school and turn up for only that - I hated the trips and fairs etc so I helped with second hand uniforms and books. One day at the beginning of term agreeing a rota for collection, one weekend at the end sorting and selling. Sorted but everyone thinks it so much more work.

As I read back it's mainly about keeping the basics ordered and in place, I still sit on my arse MN or reading, we often head off on day trips, last minute events etc but that's easy because I can be sure I'll have the essentials nearby. I dispute it's about money or help, it's more about having that mindset whether it's natural or developed and for me it's because as a PP said 'chaos is my kryptonite'

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