If you're one of those magical "put together" people...

[overweightcat]

How do you do it?

I mean people that seem to be on the ball with most parts of their life, on time 99% of the time, never forget stuff, organised, in shape, great hair that's usually down and very rarely thrown up in a bun, great skin, well suited clothes, clean house, home cooked meals 90% of the time even if you both work, young DCs who don't look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards after 5 mins of arriving somewhere, always fairly relaxed and never too frazzled.

I know a few people / couples personally and I'm always really impressed with how they seem to have it sussed out.
Don't get me wrong I know people have issues and can go through stuff behind closed doors and some of the couples I know have gone through all sorts of hardships but they are all generally lovely and you can pop down to see them anytime and there won't be a difference between them in the comfort of their own house or in public IYKWIM?

What magic is this? Are you just on it 24/7? Or are you just very good at organisation?
Do you have tips for a wannabe like me?

And I do have some help 😵😊

@alangarneristerrifying I'm dyspraxic, too. The hyper organisation is definitely a coping mechanism!!

I put my hair in a bun because of the wind

Not because it’s a mess

But otherwise I agree, how do they DO it? I just can’t be bothered. I’d rather read books on my Kindle.

Marking my place for later I'm determined when the DC return to nursery next week that I will become one of these mythical creatures for once and for all!!

@WaltzingBetty

I've realised as I've read this thread whilst eating a twirl, drinking red wine and browsing MN and Netflix that there may potentially be a link between my need for 'downtime' and not being 'put together'

Hahaha, I can relate!

I love fashion & clothes & used to work in the industry (buying) but my mentality on some days even pre kids was what can I grab from the "chair" & brush my teeth & go. I think I'm just naturally very lazy!

and night time seems to be spent planning and getting ready for the next day

This is where I go wrong. DH & I just want to relax on the sofa.

I am like that because I have standards, but I don't let it stress me. 30 minutes on a Sunday planning for the week is a minute amount of time to spend on removing the daily angst.
I iron too and always cook from scratch. Book my next hair appointment when I am paying for the last one, buy cards a month in advance etc. etc. All pretty dull and boring, but saves last minute panic and confusion.

@Illdealwithitinaminute 😆

Choose three things to do at a higher standard than others and do those obsessively. Everybody will ignore any other deficiencies as out of the ordinary and consider you a proper adult. Choose things that are easy for you.

My children ALWAYS said please and thank you loudly and clearly. I always have good hair and some makeup. DH and I made a point of doing one volunteering thing a term for each school class/club that was nice and visible (alternated him then me).

Hey presto I am a together mum despite the fact that sometimes the children mine the laundry basket for the least dirty school trousers and sometimes the children have jam toast for dinner. Nobody has to know...

@TorkTorkBam

Choose three things to do at a higher standard than others and do those obsessively. Everybody will ignore any other deficiencies as out of the ordinary and consider you a proper adult. Choose things that are easy for you.

My children ALWAYS said please and thank you loudly and clearly. I always have good hair and some makeup. DH and I made a point of doing one volunteering thing a term for each school class/club that was nice and visible (alternated him then me).

Hey presto I am a together mum despite the fact that sometimes the children mine the laundry basket for the least dirty school trousers and sometimes the children have jam toast for dinner. Nobody has to know...

This is actually fucking genius, cheers!

In my own experience it's a mixture of Unattainable high standards, perfectionist tendencies and some lovely MH issues thrown in the mix for good measure.

Oh just thought of someone else I knew who had both her dc in Sept & 1 yr apart so that it would make moving house & schools easier. DH & I just decided to start trying one day without really thinking about the future.

I am definitely not put together but do have great low maintaince hair which is all down to genetics!

I advocate the following, if you're forever being dragged to the next kids whole bloody class birthday...

keep a look out for generic kids toys on sale. Check out the chairty shops, you can often get new sealed toys, brand new kids books etc sometimes supermarkets have things like travel board games, puzzles, stationery sets, activity books, playdoh etc for around 50p - £1 when trying to clear them out. So, buy a few.

Go to places like those cheap card shops or amazon and get generic "happy birthday" cards e.g. 10 for £1 or a box of 30 for a £3. Keep all giftbags and reuse them.

Store all of them in a 'birthday' box, then you have grab-and-go birthday party supply.

Saves you traipsing round the shops.

These people plan and are willing to prioritise maintaining this presentation of their lives above drinking wine whilst flopping in front of the tv or wasting hours on MN.

A lot of it is driven by anxiety. I’m reasonably well presented in some ways but I’m naturally tidy, a planner and organised. Unfortunately my predisposition to a glass or two of wine has put paid to becoming to unlikable!

I used to buy about ten identical arty kits and a box of generic birthday cards. So one year every friend of the children got a foil art kit or dragon mosaic art for their birthday. Basically I found something my own children loved at the right price point and then everybody else got it too. Why make it harder for yourself?

Hmmm...

What helps is:
Having a partner, not a man child
Having family support nearby
Focusing on balance I.e cook from scratch and oven food - both ok. Lots of other ways to look at balance
Making sure both you and your partner have equal down time to stay sane
Keeping busy by doing chores in small bursts
Doing things instead of just sitting for too long
Being efficient with self maintenance I.e quick makeup routine And/or a low maintenance hairstyle
Being organized, if you can sort things the night before for the day after - that kinda thing
Having a routine!
Having high standards/expectations of yourself

What you don’t see though is probably someone who is quite anxious in messy disorganized surroundings or situations.

But remember no one is perfect

My house is absolute chaos. I have dreadful GAD.

@MrsToothyBitch it definitely is! So good to "meet" someone with the same idea. Having reread your post, I aspire to be more like you when I grow up (I mean, I'm an adult, but when I have to do proper adulty things like have kids and a husband and a mortgage lol)

@MrsToothyBitch great response and echo everything you said. Also agree with what previous poster said about being minimalist.

Most put-together people aren’t necessarily perfect or high strung nor do they never enjoy themselves - quite the opposite. They are just very good at both managing their time effectively and assessing situations, eventualities and unforeseen circumstances well. It actually gives you more time to relax and enjoy your life guilt free. These are some things I have found that helps.

1. Don’t put off something till tomorrow that can be done today

2. Get your hardest or most uncomfortable task or the one you are least looking forward to out the way first

3. Don’t clutter or hoard. Be ruthless about throwing things out you barely use.

4. Plan things in advance. Gifts especially. This also saves money. I buy presents for people throughout the year when I see something I like or see a good offer instead of the day before Christmas or their birthday. I wrap gifts in advance. Always have nice gift wrap/ribbons. It doesn’t hurt having a couple of wine in gift bags ready or a few wrapped candles or scarves for emergency gift situations so you’re never caught short. Pretty wrapping paper (doesn’t have to be pricey) and a lovely matching fabric ribbon can make an average present look expensive and also looks well presented and personal. At the beginning of the year I also buy a bunch of neutral birthday cards, good luck cards, new baby cards, anniversary cards etc.. so won’t be caught short throughout the year if any of these events crop up.

5. It’s better to spend more money on a few good quality clothes, dresses, shoes and handbags than less money on more low quality items. Things like one nice tailored blazer, a smart pair of loafers or black heels, a quality leather tote and one lovely silk scarf and trenchcoat can make any outfit look good and can go with almost anything.

6. Like other posters have said, good toiletry, cosmetics and medicine prep. Have medicine in to solve most common ailments so they are at hand if you need it (pain relief plasters, flu medicine, sore throat syrup, tampons etc.) Have a mini overnight toiletries bag ready to go if you need it for a trip or for emergencies with shampoo, toothpaste, perfume, face cream etc.

7. Keep your emails tidy. Create email aliases or different email address for work, personal and online shopping stuff. You can also get emails from your favourite stores to tell you when things go on sale which can help for gift buying.

8. Learn to meal prep well and use food effectively. Think in advance how leftovers can be used and how ingredients can be used in a versatile way.

9. Manage your time effectively, especially short bursts of time such as commutes, advert breaks and waiting around time. I never grew up with a TV in my bedroom and I think this helped immensely. Sometimes it’s easy to plonk down in front of the TV for nothing in particular and watch it mindlessly as the hours slip away! Same with phone use. Radio and podcasts has been a lifesaver for me. You can be entertained whilst doing housework or tasks instead of being distracted watching a screen.

10. I know everyone has said this but... Invest in your hair. I know I’m lucky having lovely locks (my face is another story!) but nice hair really can make someone look put together. Treat your hair well, get a flattering cut and don’t worry about splurging on a lovely blowdry every now and again before a big party or work event... or maybe the hair thing is just a coincidence and maybe put together people are just like that because their hair confers magical powers.

1400100001
They must do the tidying, pruning, ironing etc at the expense of other things.

justanotherneighinparadise
I bet they lean on cleaners, an ironing service, a personal trainer etc. Some people do go for a regular blow dry at the hairdresser. Also often these people have helpful husbands and/or nannies.

Or they just put aside time to do these things. Why the snidiness?
I know some very well put together single mums who work. Also a well put together mother of 7. Some people are just like this whilst having other interests. What's so hard to understand?

I feel like these people do a lot less in the day, but makes big deal if those things and do them well. No dithering and no time procrastinating on mumsnet!
Also the appearance peopld tend to be highly anxious about it and on the point of obsessional.

Not sure I can claim I'm put together but I think I'm doing pretty alright.
It's quite easy: minimalism and no kids.
I have a lot of brain space and time. And purpose.

I have a notebook which is like my personal assistant, I use it to plan my day, to keep a track of what needs my attention, the actions I need to take and why.
It's mostly for work but I use it also for my personal life, so when I have a few minutes, I can tick off a petty task.
(this morning I had one which was "drop the dog's urine sample at the vet practice", I was walking in the street nice and clean and pretty put together but in reality I had dog pee in my pocket, you never know!)

I think the main thing is to be intentional and to let go of perfectionism.
And yeah getting up at 5:30 is great 😂

I knew a perfectly put together person. She lived with my friend at Uni. Her appearance and room were always immaculate.....
One weekend I hoped to crash in her bed after a night out, (she was away). There was a used sanitary towel in it 🤢🤮
So people aren’t always as perfect as they seem!