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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DH over this petty argument?

985 replies

StupidArgument · 16/08/2020 21:57

For background, DH has a brother in law, Brian, who is quite pedantic, he likes things his way, he doesn't like windows or doors open or unlocked, even in the recent hot weather.

DH and I today have had a nice day, went for a long dog walk and made a nice dinner, watched a film etc but towards the end of the day we were both feeling a bit bored.

DH asked if we could go to bed early tonight, it was 8:30, I said fine shall we finish watching this program and go up at 9? He said "I have to be up really early" so I said should we just go up now then, but I was slightly irritated because we ended up having a conversation about it with him being a bit funny with his answers to me and me having to guess what he was hinting at instead of just saying "can we go to bed now as I have to be up really early".

Then, I was locking up and he had a moan at me about where I put my keys for the night and that I shouldn't put them there, I should put them there instead, and how I didn't lock the bolt properly. I didn't really say anything to him about it in reply.

He went upstairs before me, and as I was walking up he called to me "I wish you'd be a bit more security conscious" and I said "what do you mean?" and he said "you've left all the windows open up here". Five windows are open, 3 are just on the latches so can't be opened more, one was fully opened by him and one by me. I told him this and he started saying "don't come crying to me when someone robs you" and I just snapped and said "sorry, Brian"

He called me a sarcastic bitch and then he called me "Doreen" - my Mum's name. He said it was disgusting that I'd called him Brian and that I'd really hurt him. I said "Look, I'm sorry I called you that--" and he cut me off and said "you need to apologise to me". We got into a stupid, petty argument then with him saying "you need to apologise to me" and me saying "I just did" over and over, and writing all this down it just sounds absolutely ridiculous. He told me I can fuck off and that he doesn't accept my apology and went to get in the shower. I changed the bed sheets and when he came back I apologised again but he still told me to fuck off and that he doesn't accept my apology as I really hurt him. I left him for half an hour watching TV in bed while I came in another room and then tried apologising again but he said the same.

I do feel bad now for saying that as I only said it because I was annoyed and my temper flared, but I felt like I had kept my cool about the stuff before and having a go about open windows, when it is still warm and stuffy here, it just pushed me over the edge and I snapped at him.

AIBU or is he? Or are we both just BU and childish? He's gone to sleep now, what should I do in the morning?

OP posts:
StupidArgument · 09/09/2020 08:56

Wow, I didn't realise the thread had gotten to the point where there were so many replies. I'll never be able to thank you enough for how much you've all helped me.

Do I literally just start a new thread, still in AIBU?

OP posts:
Happynow001 · 09/09/2020 09:03

Yes I think so, as the message limit is 1K. Call it something similar to your existing thread maybe? But maybe add something like "PART 2" so it's easily found.

Don't forget to attach the link to your existing thread into the new one. 🌹

jamaisjedors · 09/09/2020 09:04

Start a new one in relationships and then come back here and link to it at the end of this one so people can find you.

Don't stay in AIBU as you've moved past that stage now, you know your are NOT BU! But need support and company on your journey.

We are here Smile

Daftapath · 09/09/2020 09:43

Definitely a new thread in Relationships and not AIBU!

If it's too late and you have already started one in AIBU, you can report it and ask MNHQ to move it over for you

justilou1 · 09/09/2020 10:04

Or simply ask Mumsnet to move yours into relationships board.

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 09/09/2020 12:00

Good luck!

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 09/09/2020 18:17

You can put the link to a new thread here.

Agwen · 09/09/2020 18:59

@StupidArgument I sent you a PM- have a horrible feeling I managed to click the report post button by mistake though so I'm really sorry if it didnt work!!!! Am thinking of you and sending so many "keep strong" vibes you wouldnt believe Grin

Sorry if I managed to get you into trouble with MNHQ instead Flowers

Wallywobbles · 09/09/2020 22:29

Then add a link to the new thread here.

StupidArgument · 10/09/2020 19:44

Okay, I started a new thread: it's here in relationships

OP posts:
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