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Step son allergic to cat

383 replies

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 19:14

DSS has developed an allergy to our cats (2). It's only a recent thing in the last year, he never seemed to have a problem before.

DH is determined that we are rehoming them. I don't want to.

His argument is that his son is suffering and he's not having it. Which I understand, however, my argument is that DSS is always letting them sleep on his bed!

I've said time and time again we need to keep the bedroom door closed. I've gone to buy night lights so we can close the door at night, I've said I'll wash the sheets more regularly (just do them after normal amount of time atm) and was going to go this weekend to buy a 'top sheet' which we could put over each morning and take off each night to keep the sheets underneath fresh.

However, neither DH or DSS ever remember to close the bedroom door and so every day when I go past after they've got up or DSS has been in his room, the cat goes on the bed and then DSS suffers.

I don't know what to do. It really doesn't sit right with me just getting rid of an animal we committed to having (and which I love and the kids do too) before we've actually made an effort to do something about it i.e. being vigilant with keeping the bedroom doors closed.

He's now suggested we get an insulated shed in the garden with a few cat beds, blankets etc... And see if the cats will sleep in there at night and not let them in the house anymore.

I don't want SS to be ill but at the same time I feel like no one is making any effort to help themselves and every suggestion I make is just shot down with 'we won't remember to do that' or 'it just won't work'. I feel like he just wants the easy way out which is to get rid of them.

I don't want to re-home them.

OP posts:
ClaraMumsnet · 16/08/2020 21:51

[quote CatNappers]@mnhq please confirm I'm not the same poster as the previous cat allergy thread. I agree it's odd that there has been a similar thread recently but it genuinely was not me.[/quote]
Hi all, we can confirm the OP isn't the same poster as the previous thread - this is the first time she's posted anything relating to a cat. Please stop trollhunting - it's against our Talk Guidelines.

IdblowJonSnow · 16/08/2020 21:52

Whether you rehome or not they are batshit not to try all these measures in the meantime.
Theres nothing to lose by at least trying this for a few weeks providing it's not a serious allergy.
Your DH is a loon letting his son cuddle up and sleep with something he's allergic to.

Fairybatman · 16/08/2020 21:53

I have a cat allergy despite having two cats, and they are an asthma trigger, I have very severe asthma.

Antihistamines daily, Hoover each day, don’t let them on the bed ever, and don’t let them sleep on the sofa or on laundry and I’m fine. I also try to wash my hands after petting them etc.

If they sleep on the bed I become really ill.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 21:53

@Aquamarine1029

Op, you still haven't said whether or not he has actually been tested for allergies. Has he?
No he hasn't.

I've just ordered some petal cleanse thanks for suggestion.

And thank you @ClaraMumsnet

OP posts:
CatNappers · 16/08/2020 21:55

@IdblowJonSnow

Whether you rehome or not they are batshit not to try all these measures in the meantime. Theres nothing to lose by at least trying this for a few weeks providing it's not a serious allergy. Your DH is a loon letting his son cuddle up and sleep with something he's allergic to.
I honestly feel like DH just wants rid of them anyway. So if it worked he'd have no excuse whereas now he does.
OP posts:
HelloMoto3 · 16/08/2020 22:01

I have the sort of allergy where I would be sneezy and miserable if a cat is sat on my knee and very uncomfortable if one slept on my bed. It is fine for me if a cat is in the house and I am careful about checking they aren’t able to sneak in and lie on the bed, you do need DSS to be quite strict about that. If your house is well ventilated and you do a reasonably thorough clean of his room plus vacuum elsewhere normally you should be okay if he is anything like me. I also find antihistamines (just the over the counter ones) and anti-allergy eyedrops handy if I end up with one too close for too long! You are doing the right thing in coming up with a plan Flowers

InescapableDeath · 16/08/2020 22:06

I have read that your son has a mild allergy. However people would say I have mild allergies - because it looks like I just get a bit sniffly.

But on the inside? It feels miserable. I have itchy eyes, nose, neck, everything. My breathing gradually feels restrictive. I’d I rub my eyes they swell up. I’m snotty and gross.

My inlaws have cats and think it’s ‘mild’. I hate visiting because half an hour indoor with windows closed and I feel awful.

I take antihistamines and they barely touch the surface.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 16/08/2020 22:07

OP you do the laundry, cleaning, dusting - does your DH pull his weight?

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 16/08/2020 22:07

@CatNappers then getting him tested is the main step really. It might not even be the cats he's allergic to, and your husband is pushing this and actively not taking any steps to help just to have an excuse to get rid of the cats.

flowerlessorchid · 16/08/2020 22:09

DP has a cat allergy but loves cats and when we moved in together there was no question that my cat would stay. He knows not to stroke her and touch his face and she doesn't sleep in any of the bedrooms. We have a cleaner in the house once a week aswell as our own cleaning. If his allergy gets particularly bad he takes a tablet but he said that after a while of living with a cat he doesn't react as bad.

There's no way I would rehome without trying everything and definitely without DSS actually having had an allergy test done. Pets deserve better than to just be tossed aside at the merest suggestion of an allergy. I wouldnt take his word as gospel having seen how my own DSS tries to throw their weight around when at our house. I appreciate my experience may cloud my view though.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 22:12

I hate visiting because half an hour indoor with windows closed and I feel awful

I understand this but this really isn't DSS. He is fine until he gets in bed. He can be in our house all day and not sniffle or sneeze or have an itchy eye once. Until he gets into bed and brings the cats with him. If it was constant and just from simply being in our house I'd be less reluctant but the fact is he is okay until he gets in bed and allows them to sleep by his face. Even when I've closed the door at night I've woken up and it's been opened again during the night.

The thing that is really annoying me about DH in this situation is it feels like he's told me about it then wiped his hands of any further involvement. Like now he's let me know, it's my problem to sort out. Even if I agreed to re-home straight away, he'd do absolutely nothing to arrange it, it would be down to me. He knows DSS is suffering and yet all he does is moan to me about it, he doesn't actually help changing the sheets or reminding him to close his door or checking the cats aren't in there etc etc... He's made no effort whatsoever to actually do anything about it.

I wouldn't even mind so much of these were my cats that I brought to the relationship but they aren't. They are cats we got together as a family, he even bloody suggested it because the kids wanted a pet! But they are all my responsibility, DSSs allergies are all my responsibility to sort.

OP posts:
chocolatespiders · 16/08/2020 22:12

Def worth hoovering the mattress as could be dust mites.
I also put few drops of lavender into pot of bicarb and sprinkle on bare mattress and leave for an hour and hoover off.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 22:15

I'll look into an allergy test although I'm assuming I will need DH to take him which I doubt he will as he's convinced it's the cats.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 16/08/2020 22:16

Don't know if anyone has suggested it but my allergies were helped immensley by Fluticasone spray. It's not an antihistamine, it's a mast cell blocker. As such it take a couple of weeks to build up the full effect.

My cousin has 2 cats, one a long hair. It used to be I couldn't even step foot in her house. Now I go down and stay 2 weeks at a time. As long as I use the Fluticasone I do fine. Without it, full blown asthma.

She does clean and air the room before I get there and then closes it up to keep the cats out. And I'm careful about keeping the doors closed during my visit.

All you can do is stress to DSS that the cats will be rehomed if he cannot remember to close his door. Perhaps put signs "Keep door closed" on both sides of the door at eye level? And check with his doctor about Fluticasone.

Wolfiefan · 16/08/2020 22:18

Honestly sounds like he’s decided he doesn’t want the cats and this is just an excuse.
If he wanted them he would try and seek practical solutions and not just rehome immediately.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 22:18

@AcrossthePond55

Don't know if anyone has suggested it but my allergies were helped immensley by Fluticasone spray. It's not an antihistamine, it's a mast cell blocker. As such it take a couple of weeks to build up the full effect.

My cousin has 2 cats, one a long hair. It used to be I couldn't even step foot in her house. Now I go down and stay 2 weeks at a time. As long as I use the Fluticasone I do fine. Without it, full blown asthma.

She does clean and air the room before I get there and then closes it up to keep the cats out. And I'm careful about keeping the doors closed during my visit.

All you can do is stress to DSS that the cats will be rehomed if he cannot remember to close his door. Perhaps put signs "Keep door closed" on both sides of the door at eye level? And check with his doctor about Fluticasone.

Thank you.

I don't think I can speak to his doctor myself but I could ask DH although I honestly doubt he would. His stance is just 'nope nothing will work, re home them'.

OP posts:
CatNappers · 16/08/2020 22:20

@Wolfiefan

Honestly sounds like he’s decided he doesn’t want the cats and this is just an excuse. If he wanted them he would try and seek practical solutions and not just rehome immediately.
I know and the more I think about it the more it's pissing me off that he is essentially using faux concern for DSS as a reason. If he were bothered, he'd be doing everything he could in the meantime to help reduce the chance of DSS reacting but he doesn't.

Even if we rehomed it wouldn't be immediately so we'd have to make some effort in the meantime but he won't.

OP posts:
cochineal7 · 16/08/2020 22:21

I think it has been suggested before but have not seen your answer, but why not change bedrooms? Even if just temporarily to see if it helps.

Wolfiefan · 16/08/2020 22:21

He sounds like a bit of a waste of space TBH. Is he this crap about other things?

Genevieva · 16/08/2020 22:21

Before you kick the cats out try making his bedroom a cat-free zone and sorting out his breathing. I bet his adenoids are swollen and he is mouth-breathing. If you can get him to keep his mouth closed and breathe through his nose then his nose will filter, warm and moisten the air, then blast it with nitric oxide before it reaches the lungs. This is what humans evolved to do and it prevents allergies from developing in the first place.

Whatiswrongwithmykid · 16/08/2020 22:22

One of my children is allergic to our cats. The allergy only appears after stroking or touching a cat. I don’t allow the cats in his bedroom but they go elsewhere in the house and he is fine.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/08/2020 22:23

Until he is tested for allergies, all of this is pointless. He could be allergic to dust mites, the filling of his pillows or duvet, etc. You could rehome your cats only to find he still has issues.

Get the damn testing done.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 22:23

I know I've been made out to be the horrible, uncaring bitch who doesn't give a toss about DSS's health on this thread but it really is not the case. I am the only one trying to do anything about it.

I can't take him for allergy tests and speak to his doctors as he isn't my child. I'm trying to do what I can do with no support from his dad.

I care about him a lot. This is not a case of me having some cavalier attitude toward my step son. I am just trying to make some changes to just see if it makes any sort of difference without immediately jumping to re-homing his much loved pets, if I can help it.

OP posts:
CatNappers · 16/08/2020 22:24

@cochineal7

I think it has been suggested before but have not seen your answer, but why not change bedrooms? Even if just temporarily to see if it helps.
Sorry I meant to say, the kids share a room.
OP posts:
mum11970 · 16/08/2020 22:25

Are you even sure it’s the cats causing the allergy? If it’s just when dss goes to bed it could be something else in his room. Have you bought anything new at all in there? Pillows, fluffy toys, blanket, plant. Pretty much anything could be setting it off, even a plant just outside his bedroom window. Definitely start by letting him sleep in another room for one night to see if there is any difference.