Step son allergic to cat

[CatNappers]

DSS has developed an allergy to our cats (2). It's only a recent thing in the last year, he never seemed to have a problem before.

DH is determined that we are rehoming them. I don't want to.

His argument is that his son is suffering and he's not having it. Which I understand, however, my argument is that DSS is always letting them sleep on his bed!

I've said time and time again we need to keep the bedroom door closed. I've gone to buy night lights so we can close the door at night, I've said I'll wash the sheets more regularly (just do them after normal amount of time atm) and was going to go this weekend to buy a 'top sheet' which we could put over each morning and take off each night to keep the sheets underneath fresh.

However, neither DH or DSS ever remember to close the bedroom door and so every day when I go past after they've got up or DSS has been in his room, the cat goes on the bed and then DSS suffers.

I don't know what to do. It really doesn't sit right with me just getting rid of an animal we committed to having (and which I love and the kids do too) before we've actually made an effort to do something about it i.e. being vigilant with keeping the bedroom doors closed.

He's now suggested we get an insulated shed in the garden with a few cat beds, blankets etc... And see if the cats will sleep in there at night and not let them in the house anymore.

I don't want SS to be ill but at the same time I feel like no one is making any effort to help themselves and every suggestion I make is just shot down with 'we won't remember to do that' or 'it just won't work'. I feel like he just wants the easy way out which is to get rid of them.

I don't want to re-home them.

When I met my DH, I was allergic to his cat. If I stroked it, within minutes my eyes would be itching and streaming.
The solution was to not to stroke his cat. I could be in the same house as long as I didn't touch it and the cat stayed off his bed.

Not all allergies are the same.

It's all well and good us saying "oh no, don't re-home your cats, just dose the boy up and DH will be fine and dandy with it" but the real problem here is that your DH won't listen to it. He's got a responsibility as a parent to make sure his kids don't suffer and he'd see it as failing his kids if he prioritised cats over kids.

I also suffer cat allergies, and antihistamines, even the non-drowsy ones, make me feel absolutely dreadful. I would not want to take one if I were still living under someone else's roof as a dependent, just because they didn't want cats.

As well as my normal hayfever tablets if it is really bad I use Boots Allergy Barrier nasal spray. It doesn’t have any medication in it but lines the nose. I think it is suitable for children so that might be an idea to help as well as removing the cat from the bedroom.

He's got a responsibility as a parent to make sure his kids don't suffer and he'd see it as failing his kids if he prioritised cats over kids

DH doesn't do anything to help DSSs allergies though. It's me up at 11pm on MN, buying allergy pillows and cleansing stuff to rub on the cats. It's me here asking for all your opinions on what to do and actually putting them into action.

DH has done nothing, he can't even manage to remind DSS to close his bedroom door. He says he wants to rehome the cats but he hasn't made any moves to actually do it. He'd leave it to me, like this whole thing is being left to me.

I'm sorry but I really am starting to think that DH doesn't really care that much about DSSs allergy at all.

@Elieza

If you can restrict access to the upper level of the house temporarily to see if it makes a difference you won’t need a shed.

I would but in just not sure how. Downstairs is open plan so there isn't anywhere we can shut them in and a stairgate will be no good because they will just jump over it.

The only way to stop them going in his room is for his door to be closed.

He's lazy

Dump him, keep the cat

Cats 🐱 are better

Even if he managed to re-home them somewhere, it's not going to be immediately so you'd think he'd be doing everything in the meantime if he were so concerned. But no.

Cat sounds fine, DSS sounds like a nice kid though silly for bed cuddles with cat, you sound sensible and kind.

Your partner sounds useless and I would find it hard to be attracted to someone whose answer to a possible allergy was rehoming a cat without testing to see if it's a cat allergy (as a good parent would want to know definitively what was wrong to avoid their child being in further discomfort) and they were refusing to help try alternatives.

He sounds like a right dick.

One of mine choses to stay outside and has a shelter which I have carpeted.
homeandroost.co.uk/product/cat-kennel-xl-self-heating-one-way-privacy-window/

How much time do your cats stay outside? If they like being outside then an insulated shed would work.

We have 3 cats and DH is allergic to one of them to similar levels. He just uses antihistamines and I try not to groom the cat near him as it makes it worse. I find the groomi is really good for getting rid of excess fur. He sheds a lot less since I've been using it and it has helped with DH's sniffling. Luckily for us, he loves the cat so puts up with it.

12yr old DD is allergic to cats and we have two (always have had since she was born - two different pairs). She's totally fine during the day just like your DSS but can start sneezing and have itchy eyes at night if she lets one of them sleep on her head 🙄 or if she has let them sleep on her bed during the day (which she knows she shouldn't but still forgets to close her door ALL THE TIME!! 😖).
Our solution has been to get an air purifier for her bedroom because we didn't want her to have to take continuous antihistamines. And it's been a game changer! She never wakes up sneezing anymore even if the cats have settled on her bed during the evening. It's brilliant. I would definitely try sourcing one if you can (we got ours second hand on gumtree).

@chocolatespiders

One of mine choses to stay outside and has a shelter which I have carpeted. homeandroost.co.uk/product/cat-kennel-xl-self-heating-one-way-privacy-window/

How much time do your cats stay outside? If they like being outside then an insulated shed would work.

Thank you for the link! It's good to hear from someone who's done it and had it work.

One of them I suspect will have no issue whatsoever with being outside. He often stays out all night sometimes and refuses to come back until he's ready. He loves the outdoors and I really don't think he'd be that fussed.

The other is outside for most of the day but she does like to come inside when it starts getting dark. Tbh it's more her I'm concerned about, I'm not sure if she'd take to sleeping outside, or it would take her some time at least.

@Couchbettato if he's that caring,loving and concerned why doesn't he..

1.get his child tested to make sure it is the cats
2.help OP with hoovering,changing bedding, finding ideas and solutions
3.support OP in keeping the cats out of the bedroom, make sure his son shuts the door and check he doesn't have the cats in bed with him at night?

You know... the basic stuff that actually involve parenting and looking after his son?

Thanks for the air purifier tip. I'll take a look.

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble probably because the additional housework it creates is unrealistic to keep up with unless you're married to the washing machine.

It only takes one person to fail on keeping up with it to trigger allergies again and that will cause more stress and arguments.

And for god's sake, he can't even remember to close a bloody door so I doubt he can keep a strict hygiene schedule.

It's not that unrealistic tbh. I already keep the house as dust free as possible as I have dust allergies myself. I hoover regularly too because of this.

The only thing really that needs to change is a slightly increased bed sheet wash and keeping his door closed.

Hi OP

I haven't read all replies so far so apologise if this has already been mentioned.
I have a cat allergy too. When DH and I first got together, he had a long haired cat. I managed my allergy with one a day anti-histamines (over the counter ones). Did me well for the 2 years I lived with her...unfortunately had to re-home her (the cat!) as landlord sold our house so we had to move and no other rentals were accepting pets. Broke our hearts to give her up.

All allergies are different so hope all goes well with your decision!

@CatNappers

It's not that unrealistic tbh. I already keep the house as dust free as possible as I have dust allergies myself. I hoover regularly too because of this.

The only thing really that needs to change is a slightly increased bed sheet wash and keeping his door closed.

Ah but you're magic OP. You can't possibly expect the worried ,concerned father to have the same powered by fairy dust(or a vagina?!?) abilities.

Your OH sounds like an asshole. I'd prefer to give him up, over the cat, any day.

Also can DSS get an allergy test? It sounds like he might just have hay fever. Mine is always worse at night, it has nothing to do with whether there's been a cat on my bed.

I think it's the husband who needs rehoming, not the cat.

I haven’t really read through properly but there are many things you can try before rehoming.

I developed an allergy to my dog after having her a year. It started off small but got to the point that she just had to slightly brush me and within a minute my whole body was covered in hives and I started swelling up. I didn’t even consider rehoming her. I took antihistamines everyday for 3 months, then another 3 months taking them every 3rd day, and then I slowly stopped taking them at all and now I only take them when I start to feel it flaring up. But if that hadn’t worked we wouldn’t tried something else, and then something else, and continued until there was no other option.

If you can keep the cats out of your step sons room then do, you shouldn’t have to rehome a pet because your DH is useless and won’t help.

How often does he stay with you? If his allergies aren’t severe is just taking an antihistamine when he comes over possible?

I have cat allergies and they have only gotten worse with age. My mother pretended it was in my head and most of my childhood was spent sniffing, with rashes and difficulty breathing. My colds were worse than my brother's colds. When I finally went to university, I was astounded because after a week I could BREATHE! My headaches were gone and I felt so healthy! Holidays are home were miserable and I finally went to doctors who tested me and I have severe allergies.

I've never forgiven my mother for keeping her cats.

He hasn't had an allergy test, he reacts the same at his mothers, despite her not having a cat??

It seems more likely to be dust mite allergy to me.

Before you rehome the cat or turn the shed into a cat haven, have him tested and talk to the specialist about it. You can be desensitised to allergens, which may be something completely unrelated to the cat.

And maybe buy a self closer for the bedroom door, can be put on any door. That way it can't be left open accidentally.