My boss essentially warned me for racial insensitivity - aibu?

[Sakalibre]

Firstly, my maternal grandparents were born in Morroco and my paternal grandparents were born in India.

I'm in my 2nd year of a grad scheme (financial services).

Last week, we were given a presentation which addressed systematic racism in relation to the BLM movement.

I am the only female in my team of 15 and the only person under 30 so have a unique perspective.

At the end of the presentation, I very sensitively and tactfully stated I personally do not like being viewed as a victim purely based on the colour of my skin. I tried to say this in a constructive way that some non-white people could take offence to some of the things that had been stated in the presentation. I emphasised this was just an opinion

Anyway, I had a 1 to 1 meeting with my line manager following this presentation and I was given what can only be described as a very stern telling off. I tried to explain my position but he was having none of it. In the end, I actually apologised to him. Which I regret now.

Over the weekend I've given it all a lot of thought. Why should my feelings be discounted? Why shut down the conversation?

WIBU? Should I go over this again with my boss tomorrow?

Bottom line is that you were at work and whether you were ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ doesn’t matter if you damage your future prospects.

I attended some appalling safeguarding training which presented some untrue facts about the number of men and women who were killed by their female/male partners each year. Later the same day I sat through a load of bollocks about victims of CSA, of which I am one.

I gently queried the statistics in a trying-to-understand-the-subject-better kind of way (and exposed the trainer’s complete lack of knowledge, which meant everyone in the room then knew she was talking bollocks but without my having to say so). I spoke to HR and senior management about the CSA issue. Changes were made. I came away with my professional credibility intact and even enhanced.

In the world of work there is SO MUCH bollocks and it is good to challenge this but not at the expense of your career. There are ways and means. You may have misjudged the situation by thinking it was safe to have spoken as you did. It should have been safe but it clearly wasn’t and that’s just a fact of the world of work.

I gently queried the statistics in a trying-to-understand-the-subject-better kind of way (and exposed the trainer’s complete lack of knowledge

You really have to wonder how these clowns get the job in the first place ...

(When DW was able to sustain a 9-5 job, not a single "disability awareness provider" even replied to job applications. Which probably explains why the £10 million refit of Birmingham Womens Hospital forgot accessible doors). Luckily for shit providers everywhere she can't work at all now, so they can carry on hiring fit and able gym bunnies.

@HannahStern
I'm coming for you again for your ignorant and stupid comment. The comment where you questioned the OP's ethnicity because she spelt Morocco incorrectly!!! What!??? SMH 😶

Damn; I copied your comment but have accidentally erased it, but people who have bothered to RTFT have obviously seen the shit that you found the time to bless us with.

Sounded like Trumps birther agenda to me. Trump's still unsuccessfully and unintelligently trying to attack Barack Obama and now Kamala Harris with his 'I'm a sad loser and I'm rascist' tactics which are desperately pitiful.

Are you also rascist???
Please please respond to tell me that I am incorrect and that I simply misunderstood your random agenda.

*...,therefore, does present as a non-White person.

Bloody typos!

@viques
So are you saying that there are different levels of racism? That racists are smart enough to distinguish between different ethnicities?

Yes, there are different levels of racism. And racists are smart enough to distinguish between ethnicities. That’s why there are caste systems set up and again, “the model minority”. It’s to divide and conquer people and has been used for centuries especially in racist imperialist and colonialist pursuits.

I think the UK has a much broader ethnic base than the US
No it doesn’t. The US is the most ethnically diverse country in the world and is much more diverse than the UK. The UK is in its infancy in terms of coming to terms with its racism and developing the vocabulary needed to discuss it maturely. From the US perspective, the UK is still somewhere in the 70s with its dialogue.

in my experience racists don't really care what colour your skin is unless it is clearly not white.

Count yourself lucky, I guess? That’s not his racism actually works sociologically. There are different tiers to racism, with racists granting exceptionalism to particular people they “like” or tolerate for a particular reason being given a breadcrumb of power to differentiate them from the other oppressed groups.

His = how.

I wish I could met some of these rascist people IRL (in real life) and they would say the same shit to me!

OP - As you get older and experience more of these situations, you learn how to shut them down effectively at the point of their delivery. No more being made to fell bad or in the wrong for the ignorance/rascism directed at for you or being gaslighting into apologising for someone else's ignorance/incompetence 😐

*meet
*fall

*gaslighted

Just in case some rascist wants to come for me for my typos!

The vast majority of white people in the UK can’t be mistaken for anglo-saxon. That wasn’t the question. The question is do you pass for white?

I'm confused.

In the UK no one would assume I was English/German/Italian etc. But people do mistake for being a tanned European.

My dad is from Punjab, he is the same shade as Priyanka Chopra and my mum is pretty pale but has an olive undertone similar to Amal Clooney. I'm somewhere in between depending on how much exposure I have to the Sun.

My skin colour is similar to Eva Mendes'. I do not like white imo.

@BubblyBluePebbles

Ahem, it is racist...

Some weird comments on here. As for the you can’t spell Morocco one -bonkers! I’m half Welsh and I definitely can’t spell the name of the village my grandparents came from and I’ve been there a few times.

Good luck Op if you take this further. I hope they take what you’re saying on board.

@Sakalibre
I'll correct your typo for you, just in case someone attacks you for it. 🙄

*I do not look White, imo (in my opinion).

Well it’s a lesson in that it financial services you’re not supposed to have an opinion (esp if you’re a woman). Diversity training has little to do with diversity, more abox ticking exercise, read 1984, acquaint yourself with the concept of double speak and you’ll know better than have an opinion next time.

@Sakalibre

Why are you giving details of your skin colour? You do need to prove yourself to be a BAME or any other type of non-white person to be able to say why you disagreed with aspects of the presentation at work.

It seems that as well as racism there is also colourism that some people have to contend with.

@cinammonbuns so only black people face racism? So so untrue. All races experience racism. You sound like the Head or Year I had in secondary school. Told me I wasn’t a victim of racism despite the awful comments I got from pupils of various ethnicities. I’m oriental and we face horrific racial abuse and prejudice.

@Lweji
Lol. Of course it is!

Some people are spelling 'racist' as 'rascist'. It's a play on the word and pronounced differently (rah-cist). I explained this to a MM poster recently and now the damn incorrect spelling keeps showing up as a typo!

Thanks again. Some of the responses to this post have annoyed me, but I do have a sense of humour. You made me laugh when you 🤣

OP I kind of agree with your point. We shouldn’t segregate people based on race and think “oh poor them.” I don’t like filling out ethnicity/diverse workplace forms as we are all human and it shouldn’t matter. However, people can, unfortunately, be victims of racism.

It sounds like a horrible tick- box exercise which will address nothing. The fact your white boss felt it appropriate to shoot you down and that you are the sole representative in the team, of both females and non-whites speaks volumes. You could easily argue that the company is guilty of both institutionalised sexism and racism and you, as the one member who is not a white male were allowed no opinion, in what was a very relevant training exercise.
The question is do you wish to continue working in this situation, even if only for now? If you do, I'd suck it up for now, get what you need from the job, then look for a better company. If not, go out all guns blazing.

YABU.

Victims of racism are victims. They have been victimised.

I think you misunderstood. Were people really referred to as victims because of their skin colour? Or in the context of what the presentation was about? Ie racism and discrimination?

If I roll me eyes any further then the dog will be eating them off the floor.

Yet another person trying the Op that she was wrong!

[quote Notredamn ]YABU.

Victims of racism are victims. They have been victimised.

I think you misunderstood. Were people really referred to as victims because of their skin colour? Or in the context of what the presentation was about? Ie racism and discrimination? [/quote]
I'll try again.

If I roll me eyes any further then the dog will be eating them off the floor.

Yet another person trying the Op that she was wrong!

Let's hope your dog doesn't have an appetite for it's owner's eyeballs, then.

[quote Pandacub7]@cinammonbuns so only black people face racism? So so untrue. All races experience racism. You sound like the Head or Year I had in secondary school. Told me I wasn’t a victim of racism despite the awful comments I got from pupils of various ethnicities. I’m oriental and we face horrific racial abuse and prejudice.[/quote]
So true @Pandacub7. I'm sure that the Coronavirus and China situation has made it worse for you as well. The pandemic could have started anywhere in the world, but useless idiots will always use things that that to denigrate other people.

Op, you are hitting against the fact that in seeking to be understanding and supportive of diversity, a new dogmatic religion has taken hold. Any criticism or discussion, no matter how well-intentioned is not acceptable.