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Absolutely livid

468 replies

Whathastheworldbecome · 16/08/2020 08:09

My dp (3 years) went to work yesterday. We have only recently moved in together.

Before he went to work I got up with him at 7am and made him breakfast. While he was out I cleaned the house, hovered, mopped, dusted, walked the dog, cleaned the bedroom, cleaned the ensuite and the main bathroom and put fresh bedding on. I watered the lawn for him at his request. I ironed him clothes for work and made a slow cooker dinner. I also did a food shop. I worked all day trying to get the place in decent order so when he came home he wouldn’t have to do anything, he could just put his feet up.

I put one note on the fridge asking him to empty the kitchen bin. The reason I didn’t do it is because the outside bin needs compacted down, otherwise I’d have done it myself.

He comes home and goes straight to the fridge, looks at the note and states “do you not know how to empty a bin?” It wasn’t said with any sarcasm. He was being serious.

I was completely taken a back, I thought he’d be chuffed with all the work I’d done. I told him what I’d done all day and why I hadn’t emptied the bin. I then opened the fridge told him I’d gotten his favourite dessert in and I’d put water in the fridge for him as it was such a hot day.

His response was “yeah because that was really hard to do.”

I ended up taking the rubbish out myself and went for a bath and had a little cry. His response to this was to tell me he does housework all the time and doesn’t cast up about it which is what he felt I was doing. I just feel like crap today and has really put me off living with him.

OP posts:
NameChange564738 · 16/08/2020 12:36

What a sphincter

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 12:37

[quote Notredamn ]OP mentioned that he does housework all the time, so is all the abuse directed at him on this thread warranted? He sounded irked at having a post-it note left out for him to read even though they were both at home at the time. As most people would be. [/quote]
I'm sure he considers emptying the dishwasher serious housework; he certainly sees taking the bins out as such.

Waytoomuch82 · 16/08/2020 12:38

I used to work with a woman who used to do this.
She wanted to portray herself as good “wifey” material in the hope of a proposal.

When he really wasn’t that bothered about what she did or didn’t do, bloody hell did she rant to him. Completely undoing her “work”!

I suspect OP the same

Whathastheworldbecome · 16/08/2020 12:40

I do these things because I love and care for him. Surely that’s normal to want to do nice things for your partner?

OP posts:
Notredamn · 16/08/2020 12:41

How do you know that, @InDeoEstMeaFiducia? He probably thought the bins would be done whilst he was at work. Maybe he was intending to do the bins before he spotted the post-it note and would've responded better to simply being told to do them? Maybe he does all this stuff when the OP is out at work?

Notredamn · 16/08/2020 12:42

No, OP. You should be doing this things because you're an adult who wants to live in a clean, tidy house.
The extra things like breakfast and cool water are fine, if he is also thoughtful and shows his love this way.

Notredamn · 16/08/2020 12:43

If a bloke came on here saying he cleans and does housework 'for his partner', he would get his arse handed to him and rightly so.

whereverwhenevernone · 16/08/2020 12:43

Yeah - you wanted recognition!!

What's wrong with that? If I came back to a fully cleaned house with my favourite pud and cooled water, you can bet your ass I'd be saying thanks.

FancyARoot · 16/08/2020 12:44

@Whathastheworldbecome

I do these things because I love and care for him. Surely that’s normal to want to do nice things for your partner?
Does he do it for you?

No. These are things that a certain type of man expects the women in their life to do for them.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 12:44

[quote Notredamn ]How do you know that, @InDeoEstMeaFiducia? He probably thought the bins would be done whilst he was at work. Maybe he was intending to do the bins before he spotted the post-it note and would've responded better to simply being told to do them? Maybe he does all this stuff when the OP is out at work?
[/quote]
Because she's already written about what a minger he is.

To be honest I haven’t been happy with the division of the chores. He never cleans his bathroom, there is dirt and hair everywhere. If it wasn’t for me cleaning it it wouldn’t get cleaned. I know he won’t clean it because In all the time I’ve been with him it’s pretty much always been that way. There’s mould on the ceiling because he doesn’t put the extractor fan on or open the window after the shower. It just all gets me down.

She's already cleaning his toilet.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 12:45

[quote Notredamn ]If a bloke came on here saying he cleans and does housework 'for his partner', he would get his arse handed to him and rightly so. [/quote]
She wrote that he requested her to water the lawn.

Smallsteps88 · 16/08/2020 12:48

Surely that’s normal to want to do nice things for your partner?

It doesn’t sound like your partner agrees.

Notredamn · 16/08/2020 12:49

But she also said that he stated he does loads of housework.
As for the mound, neither have tackled it. Should be fix that because he's a man? That would be as stereotypical as thinking a woman should sit doing sewing and cooking all meals. It sounds like they need to get a DIY professional in- and a cleaner looking at all the resentment one day of cleaning has caused.
Water the lawn? She could've said 'no.' or 'you can do that while I'm at work tomorrow, add it to your list'.

Smallsteps88 · 16/08/2020 12:49

He never cleans his bathroom, there is dirt and hair everywhere. If it wasn’t for me cleaning it it wouldn’t get cleaned. I know he won’t clean it because In all the time I’ve been with him it’s pretty much always been that way. There’s mould on the ceiling because he doesn’t put the extractor fan on or open the window after the shower.

Ewwww! And you still moved in with him??

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 12:50

@Smallsteps88

Surely that’s normal to want to do nice things for your partner?

It doesn’t sound like your partner agrees.

Yep!

You're being a fool. Deep down, you know this or you wouldn't have posted this thread. You carry on, that's your lookout. This is who he is. My kids even know the run the extractor fan and open the window after showering or you get mould. And to clean up after themselves in the bathroom.

NerrSnerr · 16/08/2020 12:50

I do these things because I love and care for him. Surely that’s normal to want to do nice things for your partner?

On days where you're at work and he's at home does he make your breakfast, iron your clothes and do all the housework? Does he buy/ make your favourite dessert?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 16/08/2020 12:51

RTT. OP already explained that she did everything but the bin because it needs compacting and she finds that really difficult. . He always does it. What's wrong with a quick reminder on the fridge, we all do it all the time in our house.
I wonder if it was easier to leave a note because asking him until he did it would have been perceived as nagging?
He was rude and sarcastic.
Earlier poster summed it up
"""You are treating him like a king and he is treating you like a servant."""
That is the real issue not the fact that she decided to organise things to make it nice for his return. Its not abnormal to do that and yes perhaps she shouldn't set that as a standard he will come to expect.

It's his reaction that is at fault and has led people to say that maybe she is being too generous with her time. But if your partner is making you feel like that and putting you on your guard.. that's not a good situation to be in.

Whathastheworldbecome · 16/08/2020 12:53

@NerrSnerr

I do these things because I love and care for him. Surely that’s normal to want to do nice things for your partner?

On days where you're at work and he's at home does he make your breakfast, iron your clothes and do all the housework? Does he buy/ make your favourite dessert?

No I guess he doesn’t
OP posts:
Waytoomuch82 · 16/08/2020 12:53

You do it because you love him?

So if you weren’t with him you’d live in squalor?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 16/08/2020 12:54

@NerrSnerr. Sorry I was replying to an earlier post about the bin.

updownroundandround · 16/08/2020 12:54

Sorry OP, but I think you've moved in with a prick.

When you move in together, you need to talk about daily/ weekly chores and who's going to do them. Simply doing things 'to be nice' and so that he doesn't have to do any when he gets home from work is actually asking for trouble IMO.

Men so quickly seem to ''assume'' they do not need to do housework/ shopping/ ironing etc when some mug does it for them (also, they usually have much lower standards of cleanliness that they're happy with too).

Make a list of daily AND weekly jobs, then sit down with him and say ''look, I can see the note I left for you annoyed you, so we need to agree who does what and when, here are all the jobs we need to do to keep a clean and tidy house, so let's divide this fairly''

If he gets angry, then I'd be moving out again sharpish.
If he says 'no, I'm happy with how things are now' I'd be leaving asap.
If he thinks HIS job makes him more tired than you, I'd be leaving asap.

It's up to you to show him that he IS equally responsible for ALL the domestic jobs and that you are NOT his slave/mother etc.

Notredamn · 16/08/2020 12:54

Because it isn't a quick reminder if you're both in the house, stood in front of it looking at it. It's passive aggressive. If she was going out to work and wouldn't be speaking to him for a day, then the note would serve as a reminder. If you left me a note in my own house about a task I do all the time regardless, I'd think you were trying to make a point and wouldn't be happy about it.

Whathastheworldbecome · 16/08/2020 12:56

@Waytoomuch82

You do it because you love him?

So if you weren’t with him you’d live in squalor?

I was referring to the other poster who was giving me a bashing for getting up and making him breakfast: not the housework aspect
OP posts:
Wheelerdeeler · 16/08/2020 12:57

I still flabbergasted that you got up to make his breakfast

Figgygal · 16/08/2020 12:58

You’re far too keen and under threat of being taken completely for granted
Remember You are his partner not his mother

I hope he usually is half as considerate to you

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