Shitty partner - ruining sleepover?

[bunsen]

'Dad' decides it would be funny to spray a shit scented spray all over sons sleeping bag and tent that he snd three friends are sleeping in tonight. They are 14. Have i lost a sense of humour or is this a shitty thing to do? Son and friends have not seen each other for six months snd just getting back into the swing of socialising ahead of starting back at school in two weeks.
Also his voice has broken recently and tonight his dad keeps saying he sounds 'gay'.
Am i super sensitive or is he just a complete prick?

If this goes on it will break any chance of a decent relationship between ‘dad’ and son. If really bad could even break the relationship between you and your son by association. Also where is it going to stop? My mum always liked practical ‘jokes’ - when I was 42 I had my (only) child and she made me believe that she had left her in a shop - I knew what she was like and searched the house and looked into the garden. I repeatedly asked where she was really. Only when I was getting my coat on to go out did she say that she was outside in her pram under the kitchen window (which you could not see from inside). I know in my head that she did lots of good things for me - both growing up and in adulthood. But that single act and the fact that afterwards she didn’t see it as a problem washed all my love away. I re-lived that time where I really believed that my baby was lost for many years. I now understand that that is a symptom of PTSD. That was 14yrs ago. I have only been able to talk about it in the last few years. Even writing this my heart is beating faster - but your husband needs to understand the risks. Our relationship never recovered. She died last year. I am interested in the comment associating practical jokes with bullying - I thought that maybe I was the only one who thinks that. With hindsight I believe that she was punishing me for being more keen to see my baby than to see her and jealous that I have what she perceived to be a better life than she had. This has been a very long post and quite difficult for me, but I think that it is still worth sharing. Very best wishes.

What a ridiculously childish prank to play on your own child. I would be absolutely furious at his stupid behaviour.....

@mumofonedaughter thanks you for sharing such a moving post. What your mother did was deeply wrong and I think your analysis sounds logical. 💐

Your poor son
If he is not going to change you are going to make some big decisions

@mumofonedaughter
Thanks for your story. Really sorry to read your experience with your mum. I think many people lack empathy without realising it or knowing it harms others and we have to bear the consequences.

Ltb. What an arsehole

What a vile bully

This is horrible and bullying behaviour

He sounds like a complete prick.

I would bet good money that he wouldn't find it remotely funny if you did this to him.

"He just says he won't bother helping us out anymore- like being a dad is an option / lifestyle choice."

I think that takes it well over the LTB line.

Why do these sites always aim for the lowest common denominator?

Because there are apparently a lot of people who find the lowest common denominator appealing, and they're the ones who bring in the most money for these sites.

He told me thats how he is and hes not changing

Well I would know exactly what to do because I would be utterly livid at his immature and horrible behaviour.

That’s horrible. Make him sleep in it. Would he cope with being humiliated in front of his work mates? Nasty stuff.
Honestly is this relationship really healthy? If he treats your son that way, how does he treat you?

Well what did your son and his friends think? Your DS is your family.

Whether your DS could possibly find this funny depends on his relationship with your DP / his dad. Do they play practical jokes on each other? Are the friends in on that? Or did your DS find it embarrassing, or upsetting? Were his friends amused or disgusted?

I just left feeling like i am blowing things out of proportion- his words - and I think: would i do that? Would i like it if xyz was done to me? He can't see that. He just says he won't bother helping us out anymore- like being a dad is an option / lifestyle choice.

In that case, he needs to bugger off and not bother helping you out from somewhere else. There is no reason why you should cook, clean or wash for him.

He sounds like a total twat to me.

Your son is growing and slowly becoming a man and threatening his position.It's the dog's version of pissing all over him.
It's showing your son his place in the pecking order, a child, the butt of the joke, someone who things are done to. He has the power to ruin a sleepover or whatever else he wishes and pass it down as a joke. Stay down little boy, and don't get any ideas, I am bigger,stronger and more devious than you. I have the power.

My genuine worry is that this behaviour tends to escalate, and your son will be the victim of many jokes and put downs for many years to come.

He needs to understand your son is off limits, if he can't accept that/change his behaviour then he needs to go.

Everybody else has said it first...

He is a total bell end.

There is a simple rule of thumb - if no one laughs and you have to 'explain' the joke or prank it fell flat and wasn't funny/appropriate. If the joke or prank is at someones expense then it was bullying and the person responsible must apologise.
I work with very difficult children and young adults and this is the rule - there are no exceptions.

I just asked dh and he was like no and he knows our son wouldn’t find it funny thus it’s not a joke also the gay comment deserves him a punch but I’m not going to advocate violence.

i think thats bullying and will ruin your sons camping trip and possibly make him be bullied by others, not to mention his self esteem.
It isnt funny. Its upsetting. I think it sounds like youve had enough, and tbh, I dont blame you.

[quote bunsen]@mumofonedaughter
Thanks for your story. Really sorry to read your experience with your mum. I think many people lack empathy without realising it or knowing it harms others and we have to bear the consequences.

He’s a bully and a homophobe. No you’re not blowing out of proportion. He’s vile.

This reminds me so much of my dad.

He would constantly mock my brothers and I. He would pull shit like this to embarrass us in front of our friends because he thought it was funny and didn’t care about how anyone else felt. He was like a fucking child.

It was bullying and has left me feeling unloved and undermined. My self esteem is so low that it has left me needing therapy well into my thirties. It’s a horrible and damaging thing to be mocked by an adult let alone a parent.

I hope the damage hasn’t already been done for your son and that he is more resilient than I was to the constant mocking.

There is no reason why you should cook, clean or wash for him

This. And you can say to him 'oh, but we're not helping each other out anymore, are we?' if he asks why.
Get making longer term plans to get rid.

[quote bunsen]@mumofonedaughter
Thanks for your story. Really sorry to read your experience with your mum. I think many people lack empathy without realising it or knowing it harms others and we have to bear the consequences.