Shitty partner - ruining sleepover?

[bunsen]

'Dad' decides it would be funny to spray a shit scented spray all over sons sleeping bag and tent that he snd three friends are sleeping in tonight. They are 14. Have i lost a sense of humour or is this a shitty thing to do? Son and friends have not seen each other for six months snd just getting back into the swing of socialising ahead of starting back at school in two weeks.
Also his voice has broken recently and tonight his dad keeps saying he sounds 'gay'.
Am i super sensitive or is he just a complete prick?

Tomorrow you insist he properly wash the sleeping bags and clean the tent in his time, and at his expense (or better still replace them with brand new ones). Then he can pay for an overnight stay at a hotel and a day trip the next day to compensate your son and his friends for the inconvenience, distress and embarrassment he has caused all them and most of all for bullying your son and trying to humiliate him in front of his friends. He's not doing it for fun. He's a nasty, sadistic bully who gets his kicks out of causing distress to your son. Unfortunately, the situation will escalate and get out of hand if you don't put a stop to this now. He has shown you his true colours so take him very seriously when he says he is not going to change.

Total prick

Spray all his clothes with the shit spray. I bet it won't be funny then.

And ltb, he's a homophobic prick.

@bunsen

Elsewyre I love a joke n stuff which is why i wondered if i am taking it too far but its the jokey stuff like ricky gervais where really its bullying masquerading as comedy

Interesting I always took Ricky Gervais to be that weird awkward kid who got bullied because of his weird sense of humour rather than being the bully.

Guy creeps me out.

The tent will be open it's hot. It might well be worth having a word with dp and reminding him that even though he's getting older ds is still his son not his school buddy.

Like you say things can cross from humour to teasing quickly when theres a big difference in power, as we tend to see things in reciprocal "if they did this to me would i be ok with it" and false tell ourselves we would.

Your ds calling his dad gay or playing a prank on him wont even scratches dads thick skin as he's a grown up but the other way around it's not quite the same.

If all else fails though Dutch oven him in his sleep with the spray tomorrow if he complains tell him to stop being so gay

14 years in and you’re still together?

He sounds as though he should be going on a sleepover in his friends tent. as he sounds very immature, and very dumb to say a lad is gay.

Complete prick.

These jokes are always at someone else's expense.
Here's guessing if you were to spray it all over his stuff he'd not find it funny at all.
They rely on being with people who don't play tit for tat so can do whatever they fancy with no comeuppance.
"This is how I am and I'm not going to change". In other words, "i take no responsibility for the shitty things I do. I don't care".
Run for the hills op.

Send him home in the morning and air those sleeping bags all day

Complete prick.

I’d leave my husband if he consistently treated our child like that.

He's shown you exactly who he is and has explicitly told you that he will never change. Believe him. He doesn't give a fuck about how you feel. He doesn't care if he upsets you at all. He has zero respect. He is cruel to your son. Do yourself and your son a favour.

My mother's partner used to do this type of thing throughout my teenager years, ruined sleepovers, no one want to come to my house due to the "jokes" insulted me and used to use the gay and dyke insult too about my hair, clothes etc.
It was bullying as you said and I haven't talked to either of them in probably ten years now and really resent the fact she didn't get rid of him.
He's told you who he (a bully) and that he won't change, as pp said, you're already raising kids, bin the bullying adult sized one.

If he won't change then you are faced with a choice.

It sounds as if the magic has well and truly worn off the relationship.

Does he have a car you could leave a prawn or two in, way under the seats?

You could say you thought it was hilarious.

Sounds like dad is jealous of your son's social life or has enjoyed quality time with his son through lockdown and thinks sabotaging his first opportunity to socialise will stop your son wanting more than just time with dad.
That your your husband is socially inept and thinks this is a great way to be part of the "lads".
Best thing to do is to turn it round and humiliate him. Example " sorry if your sleeping bag smells, your dad picked up the wrong one. The clean one is in the garage but your dad used that one last time he fell asleep on the sofa after a night out and we all know how incontinent he is after a drink or two!"

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander

What a prick. Also aerosols and sprays in general can ruin the waterproofing on a tent.

This but also the DC are breathing this stuff in in a confined space.

Let this and the comments be the last straw OP.

Choose to support your son and leave. He will love you for it.

Why are you married to him? Has he just become like this? What have you ignored in the past?

Like you say things can cross from humour to teasing quickly when theres a big difference in power, as we tend to see things in reciprocal "if they did this to me would i be ok with it" and false tell ourselves we would. Your ds calling his dad gay or playing a prank on him wont even scratches dads thick skin as he's a grown up but the other way around it's not quite the same

Exactly.
OP, it sounds as though your DP hasn't got the emotional intelligence or maturity to realise that "jokes" (and "banter") don't work if you're punching down. Has he got form for this?

Hes an arsehole.

where really its bullying masquerading as comedy

You've hit the nail on the head. I hate people like your dh. Everything is called a 'joke' apparently but it isn't, the motivation behind it is nasty.

Listen to @Shamp. It’s cruel, humiliating and nasty and you will share the blame when he’s an adult. He needs to go.

Its definitely bullying. My dad used to call my brother "queer" a lot & other horrible words. When my brother was in his 20s, he punched my dad in the face. 😟 he deserved it!

It was not nice what your partner did at all, feel sorry for your ds.

Also given current situation yabu having a tent sleepover with four teens too.

I’d be putting it on him before his first day back at the office, and see how he likes it.

Cruel and toxic.
Use up the spray on this man's underwear, support your son and leave.