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Original poster

To want and expect an apology

164 replies

LEA0304 · 15/08/2020 14:27

So Monday night as I'm putting our 1 year old to bed my partner comes back from the shop shouting about why is their a glass in the car. I had been at work all day and the car had been on the car park. I was completely baffled as to what he was on about. As I went down stairs asking just that he was stood with a pint glass in his hand. So now he's shouting for all the neighbours to hear asking who have I had in the car and how "he'd suspected something for a couple of weeks now" and so was going to his brothers. I'm not really one to get into arguments so after denying any knowledge (I really don't have a clue) I went to walk away at which point he SPAT in my face! I was really shocked he did that and went upstairs to see to our son. I was really angry and at that point wouldn't of minded if he left but he didn't. I completely ignored him the rest of the night even when he started being really nice and trying to talk to me. The next day he was back to normal and Iv been off with him ever since. I want some remorse from him, at least an apology. Surely that's not unreasonable???

OP posts:
BilboBercow · 15/08/2020 19:48

OP, why after your "DP" spits in your face, do you think "I want an apology" rather than "this is over"?
Your bar is so low and I'm not saying that to insult you, I'm wondering what relationships you've seen growing up that this isn't a deal breaker?

Nat6999 · 15/08/2020 20:01

If he is prepared to spit in your face, he hasn't got an ounce of respect for you. Kick him out, he isn't worth it.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/08/2020 20:53

@LEA0304

WOW I thought maybe I'd only get I or 2 people interested to reply, feeling a little overwhelmed now. So to answer a couple of ur queries;
  • we are not married but engaged, we've been together 7 years and have a 1 year old.
  • this is the first time he's spat at me.
  • he's not usually abusive, he's a very temperamental person lately like stroppy.
  • I run a pub and I reckon that's why he put the glass and cheating together.
  • he is a stay at home parent.
  • and no he's not mentioned it since.
  • I still have absolutely NO IDEA where the glass came from.
"- this is the first time he's spat at me" And it would be the fucking last time he EVER did because I'd have his balls for earrings for that Angry! He SPAT at you. SPAT!!

"- he's not usually abusive, he's a very temperamental person lately like stroppy."
- I run a pub and I reckon that's why he put the glass and cheating together."
Lately? His behaviour has changed lately? And he's accusing you of cheating. I'd be wondering what HE has been up to lately that cheating is on his mind. It's not unknown for someone with a guilty conscience to accuse their partner of what they have been doing themselves.

That you don't know where the glass came from, he found it (was it actually in the car? Really?) and then did a huge performance with the neighbours as his captive audience - my first thought was that the glass wasn't there until he put it there. It all smacks of a set-up.

You need more than an apology from this wanker, you need him to beg for forgiveness and give you a full fucking explanation for his behaviour. And even then I'd be minded to throw him out.

What he doesn't get to do is sweep this under the carpet like it didn't happen. HE SPAT IN YOUR FACE. He crawls and explains, or he goes.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/08/2020 21:04

You need to leave.

He's abusive.

You CANNOT leave your tiny daugher in his care - also, you realise that as a stay at home parent he is at the moment her primary carer? That if you split, he could argue that she should stay with him and you leave, and pay him maintenance?!

Change the situation NOW.

Please leave him, and report his assault. Find childcare for your daughter. If you live together (ie not in the pub) get him to leave.

You really really really shouldn't ignore this or let it be smoothed over. And please WHATEVER you do change the childcare arrangements pronto.

MsDogLady · 15/08/2020 21:37

He has been very temperamental and stroppy lately, and has now violated you with utter contempt and cruelty. It sounds like he has an agenda to create distance between you to justify something hidden. He may indeed be the one cheating.

GlitteriestFluff · 15/08/2020 21:55

He has cheated on you and he is projecting.

Spitting is a huge gesture of contempt. And there are only certain types of people who would spit on a person - under any circumstance. Can you imagine spitting on anyone - for any reason? Nope. Decent people don't spit.

Get away from the abuse

Good luck, lovely

Flowers
empiricallyyours · 15/08/2020 21:59

Absolutely, I would end this relationship. I think spitting is assault and is as serious as violence. Despicable behaviour. Don't marry him under any circumstances. This will get worse. Leave now, claim child maintenance and be thankful he showed you who he really is. I'm just sorry that it's taken 7 years.

backseatcookers · 15/08/2020 22:30

Spitting is a huge gesture of contempt. And there are only certain types of people who would spit on a person - under any circumstance. Can you imagine spitting on anyone - for any reason? Nope. Decent people don't spit.

This.

Your child deserves better than living with someone who behaved this way.

So do you, obviously, but you can vote with your feet and your child can't.

Your partner is absolutely vile. I could not forgive anyone for spitting on me, ever.

MynephewR · 15/08/2020 22:49

OP this is awful. I'm truly gobsmacked that SPITTING IN YOUR FACE is not a deal breaker for you. If my DH did that he would be out the door so bloody fast.

When I was young a nasty sleaze tried to grope me in a nightclub so I told him to fuck off and he spat in my face, it was horrible. I just thought wow that bloke is the absolute scum of the earth. That is who your partner is, scum of the earth! Please leave.

MynephewR · 15/08/2020 22:52

Spitting is a huge gesture of contempt. And there are only certain types of people who would spit on a person - under any circumstance. Can you imagine spitting on anyone - for any reason? Nope. Decent people don't spit this really is true! Only the lowest of the low spit on people. It really is an indicator of the dregs of society.

Enchantmentz · 16/08/2020 00:09

Everyone has a line op and sometimes people don't know what that is until it greets them, mine was my dp putting his hands round my neck. But I can honestly say that now if someone spat in my face I would either fly at them or leave. It is pure contempt, I have spat to show my contempt at a partner the one who almost throttled me but not on them. The whole thing seems invented on his side to keep you on the back foot/vulnerable. It is disgusting what he did never mind his reasons and you don't need to put up with it.

12309845653ghydrvj · 16/08/2020 00:20

An apology would make zero difference to me in this situation. If a man fundamentally degraded you like that, you don’t come back from it. I wouldn’t consider dating a man who would spit on a woman under ANY circumstance. What do you think an apology will do, it’s not going to stop his total and utter contempt for you as a person?! It’s not going to make him have basic respect for you?! I’m sorry OP but that is abuse and his behaviour is the lowest of the low. I don’t see how there could be any way back from that. Call the police and LEAVE.

BashfulClam · 16/08/2020 00:28

Your relationship should be over. If DH ever spat in my face he’d be out, No ifs, no buts, no coconuts!

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 16/08/2020 01:04

You have to report to the police and get rid of him, in particular ensuring that he is no longer your dd’s primary carer.

It’s very important that you report to the police as this is a concrete indication that he’s not fit to have residence of your daughter.

Smallsteps88 · 16/08/2020 01:07

I went to walk away at which point he SPAT in my face!

Fuck the apology- Id want a restraining order for anyone who even hawked in my direction.

Absolutely disgusting.

Phone the police and have him removed.

(I know you won’t though)

Krampusasbabysitter · 16/08/2020 01:08

If a man spat in my face he would be gone there and then. And if they tried to intimidate me more, they better not fall asleep! What a dirty disgusting fecker!

Pobblebonk · 16/08/2020 01:10

I wouldn't want an apology, I'd want this man out of my life.

ineedaholidaynow · 16/08/2020 01:17

I wouldn’t want him looking after your DC either?

WeAllHaveWings · 16/08/2020 01:17
  • he doesn't trust you
  • he spat in your face
  • you can't communicate with each other (this happened 5 days ago and hasn't been properly discussed)
  • he is oblivious anything he has done is wrong

Is this really someone you want to live with? This isn't healthy, especially for a child to witness growing up.

justilou1 · 16/08/2020 01:35

I wonder if there are any CCTV images of this assault? I’d be getting copies of this.

hardboiledeggs · 16/08/2020 07:45

I'd throw my DH out if he spat in my face even if I was in the wrong. Disgusting behaviour.

islockdownoveryet · 16/08/2020 09:15

I'm surprised the op came back as usually on posts like this where people tell the op to leave him with good reason we never hear from them again .
It's funny but not surprising that the op only answered what she wanted to answer .
What have you done about it op ?
Are you going to do something?
You know full well what he did was wrong otherwise you wouldn't have posted but don't do nothing , get rid of this waste of space don't let anyone treat you like this .

RandomMess · 16/08/2020 09:35

Surely you know that spitting at someone is assault???

Why would you want someone who has behaved like that looking after your son full time?

Greenkit · 16/08/2020 09:41

I work with the police, spitting is the lowest of the low. I would rather be punched in the face, it's so degrading.

Honestly I would kick him out, and report to the police.

He is a disgusting man.

Somethingkindaoooo · 16/08/2020 09:46

Right, two things...

  1. Anyone can make a mistake, we are all fallible. It's what you do after that is important. If this was a 'mistake' then he would be begging for your forgiveness.

  2. Spitting goes beyond ' mistake' category.

OP , stop focusing on the bleeding pint glass. The initial scenario doesn't matter!

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