Will he really stand out in halls

[thedaywewillremeber]

My ds 25 is going to university this year. He was going to stay home as we live about 40 minutes from the uni. We’ve recently had a discussion about him and brother need to think about moving out soon. He’s suggested he goes into halls first to ease him in to living on his own. He does have asd and mental health problems. Will he be judged from being so much older in halls?

Not at all

The university may have different types of halls. Mine had separate ones for post graduates, non first years and exchange students. They were more like self catering flats. I would ask about that if I were you. It depends on his social skills but halls full of wild drunken first years might be difficult for someone who struggles socially. Or he might get annoyed by the constant 3 am fire alarms etc. Or at 25 he just might be a bit old for all that carry on.

No it’ll be absolutely fine

No I think he’ll be fine.
But he might think his 18 year old flat mates may seem immature in comparison!

The university might have halls for older students, post grads etc where he could share with students that are more his age. So that could be worth enquiring about. Halls for freshers are going to be noisy, lots of parties, middle of the night fire alarms, filthy common areas etc. The age difference aside, could he cope with all of that? I loved it at 18 but at 25, no thank you!!

No. When I was at uni years ago there were a couple of women that age in first year halls. Thought nothing of it. Everyone just muddled along together

I think it’s not a case of standing out but how his ASD and MH will affect him . Our ds has HFA and OCD and he stayed home for his degree because although he was keen to look further afield originally we knew that as soon as it came to sharing a kitchen / bathroom he would really struggle as other people may not be as clean/ tidy as he has to be . How old is your other ds ?

He'll be fine, but why does he need to think about moving out?

It's not unusually old for uni halls, there were several of that age when I was there and no one batted an eye.

No totally fine. I was 29 :)

No, he might find his hall mates a bit immature but otherwise it should be fine.

Not in the slightest. I lived in halls when I was 30. I ran an agony aunt surgery in my room. It was great.

Absolutely not at all.

When I was at uni the accommodation office grouped a number of “really not mature but not 18 year old” students in by best friend’s corridor. They were the ones sensible enough to pool resources, to share meals, to buy communal items - car better halls community than a pile of 18 year olds

As pp said, lots of unis have halls or house shares for mature students, which would work. Even if they aren't any specifically for older students, they will often be placed together when hall space is allocated (or are in my experience).

If there is nothing obvious about it on the uni website, I'd encourage him to give student services a call and discuss his options.

Look for halls designated for older students or designated as “quiet” which are not officially for more mature students, but tend to be very attractive to them.

I went to one school that even had a hall that allowed mature students, graduate students, and young faculty and mixed them together.

Thinking back too many a few years, he'll probably be very popular if he's a bit older. The older students in halls when I was a first year were very popular, precisely because they were a bit older and a bit wiser!

I think you're wise to counsel them to move out of home.

It depends I would say.
Will he join in with what's going on, laugh a little at the jokes, and not worry too much about the relative immaturity of the students around him?
Or will he feel he can't fit in because he hasn't just finished school, tell them exams were harder in his day and they won't understand until they've been in the "real world"?

The former. No worries. The latter, he probably will stand out, and it will depend on whether they like him generally whether he'll be just left alone or adored.

I can think of a couple of students who were 25 or older in my halls. One of them you'd not have picked up unless he was talking about his (rather lively) past, the other one did stand out a bit but was also American, so might have stood out anyway. They both were well liked, and occasionally used for their greater knowledge of real life.

Yes I think he would. At 18, I thought that the MSc students seemed so grown up and they were only 21-22.

Not at all. One of my best friends in halls was 26 when she started and we were all 18. I selfishly Loved having someone with a bit more life experience to hang out with!

No. He'll be fine. I was 29 living in halls. The biggest problem that I found was others juvenile behaviour but nothing ever negative towards me.

Gosh no! I was 26 and it was great.

I was in Halls as a Fresher aged 26. It was bloody brilliant. However, I'm neurotypical and exceptionally easy-going, which I think helped.

I know my ASD son wouldn't cope with Halls at any age, so it depends if his ASD will allow him to cope, rather than his age making him stand out.

In my year lots of people went back into halls for thier final year, often well into their 20s, so age def not so much of an issue

My 18 year old was in halls last year and one of his best friends he made was 25 (not from same flat). They did all call him dad though...

I wouldn’t worry. Just make sure that Student Support are aware of his difficulties. They will ‘be there’ for him in case he feels at all overwhelmed.
Freshers’Week might unnerve him.
My son is very introverted, shy and feels difficult in social situations. He loathed the first few weeks but settled into a routine and found friends on his wavelength and loved it.

Will they even know unless he tells them? If he's doing an undergraduate degree, he can just say he had a gap year and leave it at that.