Will he really stand out in halls

[thedaywewillremeber]

My ds 25 is going to university this year. He was going to stay home as we live about 40 minutes from the uni. We’ve recently had a discussion about him and brother need to think about moving out soon. He’s suggested he goes into halls first to ease him in to living on his own. He does have asd and mental health problems. Will he be judged from being so much older in halls?

[manicinsomniac]

I'd go against the grain and say I think he would stand out. But that doesn't necessarily mean he won't be accepted and have a great time.

In my college (basically a hall but we called them colleges) I am not aware of there being anyone significantly older, although of course I didn't know everybody. I doubt there would be more than 1 or 2 mature students (21+) in any one hall per year though. Maybe I'm wrong.

There was one boy (man, I guess) on my corridor who was 21 in first year. It made no difference most of the time but when he was drunk he'd get all melancholy and talk about being 'so old' over and over. He'd disappear to his room to 'be alone because I'm too old' and be followed by one girl after another (he was exceptionally attractive) until he had a room full of girls patting him on the shoulder and telling him he wasn't old. It might have been a deliberate ploy!

[bashcrashfall]

By this year do you mean starting next month? If so he is very very unlikely to get into halls this late.

[Bluntness100]

No, not due to his age, not in my halls, decades ago, or my daughters recently , however his mental health issues and autism may cause him to do so, it depends on how he is able to interact.

In my experience it’s less about standing out and more about how he will be included,how comfortable he feels socialising and joining in.

[SimonJT]

He may stand out, however in my own experience you come across lots of people in halls who aren’t NT and lots of very cooky people as well.

[missyB1]

My ds is a second year, he’s 25. Last year as a first year he was in halls and they deliberately put him with students a similar age to him.

[thedaywewillremeber]

These still spaces in the halls he wants to go to atm.

[Purpleice]

Not at all. I was in a mixed hall of postgrads and undergrads. I was about 23 at the time. I’d missed out on the living in halls experience the first time round. It was fine. It was mostly information science people- so not a wild bunch!

[PercyKirke]

Doubt it. Our DS did the same. He never said anything about it other than to complain how bloody immature some 18 year olds can be.

[bashcrashfall]

Great that they still have space this late!

I agree with asking for quieter halls, halls for postgraduate students or those with more individual facilities rather than shared if possible. I don't think he would stand out massively but he may find the amount of drama that goes on in student halls draining. Some of it very serious ("help I think my friend is suicidal" is a query that comes up far too often) and most of it not serious ("I like one of my flat mates but the others bully us and they look at us funny and use our mugs." type issues.) I didn't like student housing at all and while it is a lot nicer than in my day it doesn't sound a lot more pleasant now.

This year will also be strange for everyone - more time spent in halls as limited access to campus. Rules on no visitors etc that are going to be broken regularly.

[Popc0rn]

I'd check if there are halls specifically for mature students, either ones owned by the uni or private ones.

I went to uni and lived in halls for the first year; everyone was 18 - 19 apart from one guy, who was 25. He was nice, but didn't like going out or drinking, and largely stuck to his room. When the year ended he moved into some private halls specifically for mature students, think he had a studio.

Surely most people at 25 wouldn't want to live with teenagers? When I got to 25 I remember thinking what an absolute nightmare it would have been to live with 18 year old me

[Choochoose]

No, I went in my early 20s and was put on a floor with others who were around the same age. I made friends in halls with those straight from school too, he won't stick out. He may have less tolerance for the fire alarm going off all of the time, loud pres every night mind. If he is worried worth speaking to the accomodation team and seeing what they say.

[threecats333]

Why does he need to leave home? Going to university will be a massive change throwing in living in halls may be too much for some with ASD. Sharing accommodation
with others doesn't work for many of those with autism.

[NoPinkPlease]

I know you didn't ask this, but when my 19 year old stepson with ASD and mental health issues went, the uni halls were a great first step. They had mental health trained post-grad buddies on site who knew all about him in advance. They looked out for him all year. He found his niche and a girlfriend!! I think it's a great first step. And if he's not that far away then it could always be undone if needed?

[HeddaGarbled]

I don’t think his age is the issue as much as whether the behaviour of a bunch of 18 year olds away from home for the first time will be a problem for him: noisiness including very late at night, not cleaning up after themselves in the kitchen, random strangers in the kitchen, not always being understanding or tolerant of his ASD. Most students in halls fall out with their corridor mates at some point in the year. Does he have strategies to cope with that?

[Inkpaperstars]

We had a guy who was mid twenties in my year at college, he was totally accepted and blended socially but we did all think of him as much older, which is sort of silly looking back. His age was seen as a cool thing though, not any sort of disadvantage.

I agree with others that the bigger question is will your DS tolerate the kind of thing that can go on in halls well. You'll know best on that.

If he is keen to go, at least he has the back up of being near home, so assure him he can come back for a break or if he doesn't like it.

[ScrimpshawTheSecond]

Not at all!

[HeddaGarbled]

Is he applying for Disabled Students’ Allowance? He could get funding for a weekly meeting with a mentor to help him deal with any social issues which arise: it’s not just for academic support or for those students with physical or sensory disabilities.

[Burton94]

He could try it, if he really doesn’t like it he can move or move home. I loved being a little older at uni. You’re one of the few who can drive and have more money. You know what life’s like outside education so it makes you embrace those wild nights out and being a bit carefree. I could relate to the lecturers more too. I actually think everyone should wait a couple of years to go, it’s too much at 18

[SnackSizeRaisin]

I lived in halls with a student with ASD. He stood out but it was because his behaviour was so strange. He was not someone who would ever be able to have genuine friendships I think. I mean people were nice to him because they felt sorry for him but that would be it. He was too inappropriate.
However if your son does have good friends generally, he should be able to cope in halls. It is a bit pot luck depending who he ends up with, but students are normally pretty kind and friendly, and of course keen to make friends as no one knows anyone at the start.

[ineedaholidaynow]

Will uni life be slightly different to normal next term?

[KrabbyPatties]

Post graduate halls only!

[plimm]

He will probably earn more respect just due to his advancing years!!

Best of luck, I hope he enjoys it, it sounds like a good first step.
Congrats on the uni place!

[Owleyes16]

To be honest there's a good chance he'll struggle, but every experience is different. I was the oldest in my halls, in my flat and the one above, only by a year or two but made a difference. I have suspected autism, too, though not diagnosed, and I struggle with socialising, noise, people, etc. I'll be honest, it was hell. My mental health deteriorated quickly and living in halls with people partying all the time, or making noise when coming home late, always being in the kitchen so I felt I couldn't go make some food if I wasn't able to make conversation, and generally being around people I really didn't like. This was the main reason I dropped out of uni after only 6 months. I couldn't cope.

Of course everyone is different, and it depends on your son's particular issues and what he personally can and can't do. But I would suggest finding out if there's accommodation less general population and more for older students or people with asd or mental health issues, or suggest he finds a cheap flat.

[Mintychoc1]

I think it really depends on the hall. I happily went as an 18 year old and it was a typical loud student hall, consisting of mostly first and second years. There were a couple of third years, aged 21, who definitely stood out. If I had gone back there at 25 I would have hated every second of it - loud, noisy bar, drinking games, 18 year olds squealing and laughing half the night - it would have been purgatory for me aged 25.

[JemimaShore]

He won't be judged for his age IME - we had a 27 yr old we knocked around with in our halls, and it wasn't an issue.

Whether his ASD/mental health issues will be a problem - I don't know? Does he struggle socially?

On the one hand, halls are an excellent way to ease you into living independently - on the other, they can be loud and lively - some are cliquey.

If he wants to get involved with the social life, make friends, doesn't mind a bit of noise & chaos etc - then great. But (and it pains me to say this) there were a couple of lads who struggled socially in my Hall - and I'm not sure they had the best time. It can be very isolating when everyone's in a group of friends, but you're not.

You may be the best person to judge this, and guide him. Will he want to join in socially, make friends - or live a more isolated, quiet, studious life? Will noise/drunkenness bother him? You should be able to do some research on the Halls/rooms available and see which are most suited to him.