Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:
theprincessmittens · 15/08/2020 01:02

*even without Covid 19

cautionhot · 15/08/2020 04:13

What does he do while you're stripping beds and doing all the washing?

EKGEMS · 15/08/2020 04:25

@horehound "I can't imagine being so hostile" and your repetitive posts are full of hostility to the OP

EKGEMS · 15/08/2020 04:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ItsLateHumpty · 15/08/2020 05:18

10% have voted YABU so a few more people than just Horehound and Bluntness100

I was one of those 71 people that voted YABU but only because I couldn’t vote to sit on the fence Grin

Outwith the Covid issue, which should have precluded the invite, my reasons for voting the way I did was because

  • you describe her as a colleague, he might describe her as a friend
  • you’re just back from holiday - did you have no down time, or lie-ins then
  • it’s his home too, but if he wants to host he does all the work
  • you’ll be at work the day she arrives so he’ll have to step up
  • why can’t he help with the laundry
  • do you run all guests past him and he has the chance to veto

I do get your frustration though, because I like to plan and would have already decided how my first weekend home would look, and this would irk me.

I would though (again outwith Covid) just pull up my big girl pants, and try and change my negative mind set, to try and enjoy the unexpected company.

Hope you get everything sorted, and end up having a lovely weekend at home with no guests because Covid.

daisychain01 · 15/08/2020 07:12

@justasking111

Ooh.... red rag, will talk about it in the morning, I would not be simmering on that all night. Would be packing a suitcase, put it all over FB the comments would back you up and embarrass the hell out of him.
Typical goady MN comment - incite the OP into rage so she plasters her family argument all over social media! Talk about washing dirty linen in public, there is no need to do that.

OP you have a right to feel aggrieved at your DHs lack of consideration. You've tried to reason with him and told him you aren't at all happy with this arrangement he's set up unilaterally without initial consultation with you. He has form for this, he's done it before.

I'd be put out that he thinks so little of your feelings and opinion that he'd pull this stunt on you. He even said " the only reason you don't want them over is because you don't like people staying overnight". Well exactly DH so why did you arrange it, knowing how I feel.....

Hardbackwriter · 15/08/2020 07:26

When did he invite her? He shouldn't have done it knowing that you hate overnight guests, and given that you apparently have some 1950s set up where he can't change sheets or put on a washing machine, but I am a bit incredulous that you want to tell someone that they suddenly have to find somewhere to sleep tonight.

ginghamtablecloths · 15/08/2020 07:40

I accidentally voted YABU. If DH is doing much of the associated extra work with his guests then that's fair enough. Let's hope it'll make him think twice next time and there's no repeat performance.

Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 07:46

Trying to answer a few questions.

It is normally me that does all the beds and prep for guests. He’ll maybe go and buy the food and sometimes cooks. This is part of the reason I don’t enjoy having guests.

No lie ins on holiday as we had activities booked every day so we were up and out. Last day I was up at 7 cleaning cottage and stripping beds. He says he helped but I’m struggling to remember what he did. Loaded the car I guess.

Yep I do run all guests past him and usually with lots of notice in case he has something booked in. But I only invite my parents or very close friends to stay so it doesn’t happen that often.

We arrived back at 4.30 yesterday the conversation/invite happened just after we got back. As I surveyed the piles of washing.

Instead of him understanding I don’t like overnight guests and being supportive he is using that against me, saying why can’t I just do something nice for once, I’m so unfriendly. This has really got my back up!

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 07:48

I’m also wondering why at 5pm yesterday she didn’t know where she was sleeping on Saturday night with her child? Wondering why she didn’t have a hotel booked?

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 07:49

With no COVID yes I would have just got on with it and made him do everything. With COVID I don’t feel it’s worth the risk.
Especially as they have been travelling around staying with family.

OP posts:
silverPersephone · 15/08/2020 07:57

It's simple, write him a list of all things he has to do for their visit before during and after, explain that due to COVID they can use kitchen, guest room/toilet and garden and that on Sunday he has to clean all these rooms before the family use them again.
I actually think in the current situation she was rude to accept invite with a child and it shows a lack of personal responsibility.

silverPersephone · 15/08/2020 07:58

Are you sure there is not more to the friendship?

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 15/08/2020 07:59

I have one of these husband's. Invites anyone to stay. Cooks one meal for them and gets a round of applause. Meanwhile I've made up beds and scrubbed the place and have all the washing to do once they go. No applause for me.
Don't engage any further with him. He's said he's canceling them so just check it's done and don't be drawn into any further debates about your supposed hostile behaviour .

wineandroses1 · 15/08/2020 08:06

Op I’d be putting my foot down and telling him he doesn’t get to impose guests on you and your children during a pandemic (or, indeed any time without you being asked If that’s ok before he offers - that’s pretty standard and courteous behaviour between spouses!) if that makes you hostile and unfriendly then so be it. He seems to think pleasing some random colleague comes above your valid concerns.

And ignore the usual suspects like Bluntness who always pops up on threads to spout vitriol - get a life fgs!

knittingaddict · 15/08/2020 08:07

It doesn't matter if I'm in the minority really.. seems like there's a lot of selfish, unaccommodating people out there. Quite sad really.

Yes, I'm one of them and couldn't give two hoots what you think Horehound. A nice person, but the ability to say no sometimes is a gift to yourself. The op doesn't like unexpected overnight guests and I'm with her on that one.

FippertyGibbett · 15/08/2020 08:16

No, I wouldn’t have that.

Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 08:21

He’s been trying again. ‘So you want me to tell her to get in a taxi and stay in a hotel? That is what you want me to do?’
Me ‘yes’.

OP posts:
mrpumblechook · 15/08/2020 08:22

DH did something to similar once (a day's notice and I had a lot of work deadlines at the time and young children). I booked myself a room in a hotel near work and left him to entertain the work colleague and look after the children. He has never tried it again!

Darcydashwood · 15/08/2020 08:26

I’d be straight to a travelodge. Honestly. Purely for the fact he didn’t ask first which is so unbelievably inconsiderate. Leave him to be host!

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 15/08/2020 08:29

I really enjoy hosting, even over night guests, however they've travelled from a country with high instances of Covid, with 2 week quarantine requirements here and not quarantined for two weeks (gives you an indication of their attitude towards Covid restrictions). They've then travelled all over the UK and Ireland seeing christ knows who, and possibly with little regards to social distancing etc. I wouldn't even be meeting them let alone having them to stay in my house. I've had a colleague die of Covid, the grandmother of one friend, the uncle of another (in his forties no underlying conditions) and a close friend of my dad's, so maybe that's why I actually take it seriously despite having to work in a face to face role throughout.

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 15/08/2020 08:30

Develop a persistent cough OP

MintyCedric · 15/08/2020 08:30

@Delatron

I’m also wondering why at 5pm yesterday she didn’t know where she was sleeping on Saturday night with her child? Wondering why she didn’t have a hotel booked?
I'd be wondering if they'd arranged this some time ago and he's told you at the last minute thinking it will make it harder for you to say 'no' tbh.
Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 08:31

He is still having them over for dinner. Which I still think is risky.

I also wouldn’t put it past him to offer there and then in front of my face over dinner ‘surely it’s ok if they just stay the night’. Then I get to be the bad guy by having to refuse them again.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 15/08/2020 08:32

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit

Develop a persistent cough OP
A new persistent cough Grin

(cough, cough)

Swipe left for the next trending thread