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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:
AnotherBoredOne · 17/08/2020 13:07

Push the coronavirus thing.
Is it too late?
Gastro bug???

SunshineCake · 17/08/2020 13:23

@AnotherBoredOne

Push the coronavirus thing. Is it too late? Gastro bug???
Yes, it is much much too late Hmm.
Angrywife · 17/08/2020 13:25

Well done OP!
Id have booked a hotel and gone straight from work leaving dh to sort out his own mess. I wouldnt have given two hoots what he'd have told her about me or what she thought either cos you can bet I'd be thinking worse about her lol.
That said, if he'd gone on to entertain her on his own over night, more problems would have arisen when I returned home!

MachineBee · 17/08/2020 13:26

I hope you’ve had a better day or two now and a proper apology from your DH. He was out of line, YWNBU OP and well done for holding firm. Hopefully there won’t be a next time, and your DH knows you mean what you say.

Original poster
Delatron · 17/08/2020 13:29

Thanks. I’m planning on a further discussion tonight with him.

Basically I think she was very rude and I’m just not happy that they have the type of relationship where she thinks it’s fine to invite herself to stay with such little notice. And he runs around making it look like a Love Island set. Whilst ignoring my wishes.

We’ve had a conversation about her before and about boundaries. Clearly it needs to happen again. She’s his work friend. He can meet her out and about but she’s not stepping foot in my house again.

OP posts:
Xyzzzzz · 17/08/2020 13:40

I’m with you op I hate overnight guests

Sashawest50 · 17/08/2020 13:45

Say No ! You don't know them and you are not putting your household at risk. Which country are they flying in from as many have a 14 day quarantine period..Be subtle but assertive..your OH was quick to sort out them staying at yours I'm sure he can find someone else to take them in if they have been away on holiday should have cash to arrange to stay in quarantine..first I thought it was a female workmate moving in..but either way it's a NO ! Sorry not appropriate at this time ..stand your ground

Mittens030869 · 17/08/2020 13:51

So many posters are ignoring the fact that these guests are coming from the US (via Ireland for a week) and haven't quarantined for 2 weeks. The COVID-19 pandemic is not under control in the US by any stretch. So from that POV the OP isn't being U.

I would give a different answer if they had quarantined for 2 weeks in Ireland.

Sashawest50 · 17/08/2020 13:57

Maybe .but it sounds the OH and friend have more going on..I wouldn't dream of having someone I didnt know turn up and stay in my home wether covid going on..its the cheekiest thing I've heard

Mittens030869 · 17/08/2020 14:00

@Sashawest50 Actually yes, COVID or no COVID, that was cheeky. I personally have no problem in principle having people come to stay, but I would want there to be a proper discussion about it before a decision is made.

msgreen · 17/08/2020 14:15

This kind of bonkers stuff is why the R has gone up !!!
We are in the midst of a global pandemic ffs

Bluesheep8 · 17/08/2020 14:32

What does a Love Island set look like? I've never seen it

billy1966 · 17/08/2020 14:38

@Delatron

Thanks. I’m planning on a further discussion tonight with him.

Basically I think she was very rude and I’m just not happy that they have the type of relationship where she thinks it’s fine to invite herself to stay with such little notice. And he runs around making it look like a Love Island set. Whilst ignoring my wishes.

We’ve had a conversation about her before and about boundaries. Clearly it needs to happen again. She’s his work friend. He can meet her out and about but she’s not stepping foot in my house again.

Good for you OP.

You are a wise woman if you can recognise how off the dynamic is with this.

Your husband was dismissive, rude, disrespectful of you throughout this.

He could give a shit about YOU, your children and your wishes.

He was snide and deeply unpleasant when you raised very reasonable concerns.

Her needs were more important that his wife's and family.

He then hops around transforming the place when he normally is a lazy little shit.

Only you know the type of marriage you want and the treatment you will accept.

He has somehow gotten the impression that he can walk all over you and this woman can come ahead of you.

I would take the time to reflect on exactly where you are in your marriage and what you expect going forward.....because based on the past weekend he has shown himself up very badly.
Flowers

You have already had issues with her before and appropriate behaviour.🙄

billy1966 · 17/08/2020 14:39

Oh and I agree with the posters above, the no gift was deliberate.

ItalianHat · 17/08/2020 14:51

although I’d make sure that I do all the hosting stuff so he’s not inconvenienced at all

And that's the difference between you and @Delatron's husband! He seems to think that little magic invisible fairies make beds with clean sheets, wash the sheets, ensure there are clean towels, make sure the bathroom is clean, that there's enough food for supper & breakfast, and that after guests leave, clean the room & the bathroom, & wash the bed linen.

silversquid · 17/08/2020 15:39

I'm loving the sea of complete wtf that this thread has churned up. I wonder how long it can be kept alive with advice on whether or not the op should go ahead with the night 😀

FizzyGreenWater · 17/08/2020 16:43

Why not try this one for the discussion tonight -

'You know they say you can judge someone by the company they keep? When it comes to my own partner and father of my son, I'd really like to feel that I never have to do that.'

You're right to not clamp down on their 'relationship' (whatever it is... Hmm ) - far more effective to coolly make it very clear that you aren't impressed with her as a person... and even less impressed with him for wanting to present her as a friend.

Original poster
Delatron · 17/08/2020 17:00

Yep @FizzyGreenWater I’m quite pleased she proved me right. I had thought her to be rude and overbearing. He was claiming not, even when she was inviting herself over with less than 24 hours notice!

I’ll be cross if he defends her.

OP posts:
InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 17/08/2020 17:09

Good one, Fizzy. That's a good segue. If he defends here I'd be very unimpressed. And the running round after her. Again, he doesn't do this for others. How would he feel if you behaved this way over another man and then said he was just a friend?

Feedingthebirds1 · 17/08/2020 18:30

Say No ! You don't know them and you are not putting your household at risk. Which country are they flying in from as many have a 14 day quarantine period..Be subtle but assertive..your OH was quick to sort out them staying at yours I'm sure he can find someone else to take them in if they have been away on holiday should have cash to arrange to stay in quarantine..first I thought it was a female workmate moving in..but either way it's a NO ! Sorry not appropriate at this time ..stand your ground

And then cancel the cheque.

Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'll get me coat.

honeygirlz · 17/08/2020 19:26

He even used my ‘one last drink for the road’ phrase to highlight it was time for the evening to end. Yet still she stayed.

Americans wouldn't take that very British hint. They would see this 'ah, they want me to stay longer.'

However, totally agree she was a CF looking to stay.

ItalianHat · 17/08/2020 19:57

I'm loving the sea of complete wtf that this thread has churned up. I wonder how long it can be kept alive with advice on whether or not the op should go ahead with the night

Actually, I think that advice is wrong. The OP should cancel the cheque Grin

AnotherBoredOne · 17/08/2020 21:33

If you didn't live near the airport do you think she would have wanted to catch up)

DUFFDADDY1 · 17/08/2020 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DUFFDADDY1 · 17/08/2020 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.