Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

[Delatron]

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

and still they come.

@tomemily are you on the wind up, or just too lazy and impolite to read the OPs posts on a thread before commenting?

Next time this happens put your kids to bed at their normal time plus a bit for guest play, then they surely must see they should leave.

@MadameMeursault

This is really odd to me, I would let them stay without a moment’s hesitation. It’s not really putting you out too much, and I like having people around. Why not do someone a favour, make their life a bit easier? Nonsense that they should quarantine coming from Ireland to the UK, it’s the other way round that that applies.

Cannot believe this for a moment! What part of global pandemic are some people not getting here? For the love of god, can people just be circumspect with their social lives? I would rather use my social quota on people who I miss and who miss me, than some random from the office who has just shared air with a minimum of 300 people in a metal tube followed by assorted International travellers at the airport. But yeah, without hesitation. Whatever.

You’re a saint OP and I think @goingtotown is right and your husband’s colleague didn’t actually have a hotel booked. If they didn’t leave until midnight (! So rude) hen I wonder if she just went straight to Heathrow for the 4 or 5 hours till an early flight check-in.

Next time your husband asks someone to stay, give him a list of what needs to be done. That’ll show him how much work it is! I like having people to stay but I always need at least a morning to prepare: make beds, put out clean towels, give the guest rooms a bit of a dust and a fresh hoovering, spruce up the guest bathroom - that sort of thing. It’s all work, however nice it is to have friends and family staying.

Yep I’m wondering if she maybe didn’t have a hotel booked. She rocked up at 5.30 with all her luggage so leaving at 10pm would have been plenty of time for a good evening. Midnight with an early flight and a kid seems insane.

I would always arrive with wine, flowers and be very aware of any hints dropped about leaving. I think she did it on purpose and just wanted to stay. Such a strange way to behave.

I did make DH do the prep last time his friends stayed. He decided the sheets didn’t need changing from the previous guest. Disgusting.

He wouldn’t think about towels,, cleaning the loo. Plus when they leave you have all the additional washing and clearing up. It takes over your whole weekend! Hence I now have a short list of very few family and friends who can stay over with a lots of notice.

@Delatron

I did make DH do the prep last time his friends stayed. He decided the sheets didn’t need changing from the previous guest. Disgusting.

He wouldn’t think about towels,, cleaning the loo. Plus when they leave you have all the additional washing and clearing up. It takes over your whole weekend! Hence I now have a short list of very few family and friends who can stay over with a lots of notice.

Then leave him to it. If he's going to invite people with no notice, leave him to it. You're going to have to learn to let this go. And he needs to do all the cleaning up after them. Don't enable him, even if you have to leave the house.

OP, I’m glad you’ve told your DH what you think of this woman and that she isn’t welcome. The whole thing sounds so odd. I agree with PP, she definitely didn’t have a hotel or else she wouldn’t have outstayed her welcome.

Gosh I do agree with you. Weird that she arrived at 5.30 with the luggage and left at midnight. That’s seriously odd with the luggage. With the change of plan most people would have checked into the hotel after a freshener and then rolled over to yours having picked up a bottle and chocolates or flowers on the way. Then left at 10pm due to a child in tow and early morning flight. Seriously non acceptable behaviour. Obviously your DH thought so too with the hints, yawning and no more wine etc. Some people are just weird.

Let me put my neck on line here... was the colleague English or American? Cultural norms may be very different here. I’m an Eastern European married to a wonderful English husband. For him, his ‘house is a castle’. For me, ‘guest in the house is God in the house’. I’d think absolutely nothing wrong with the initial request and fully expect my DH to go along with me, although I’d make sure that I do all the hosting stuff so he’s not inconvenienced at all. We both have learnt to challenge our boundaries over the last 17y of happy marriage I guess ;)

Apparently she did invite herself around for dinner though! The initial text was ‘it’s ok if this is too short notice but was wondering if we could pop over to yours tomorrow for dinner before flying back on Sunday’’ Then without thinking he said ‘why not stay as well’

My mum and dad live near an airport. Asking yourself to dinner on the night before your flight is 100% blatantly asking to stay over. If he doesn't know that he's either an idiot or very invested in having her over. My mum prefers the blatant ones. And people always arrive with chocolates/flowers/wine.

Oh and with COVID she wouldn't have to book a hotel, because airport hotels will be empty.

So she 'popped over' for six and a half hours!

Maybe get hubby to tell them you are ill. I haven't read the whole thread , sorry.

@angelfacecuti75

Maybe get hubby to tell them you are ill. I haven't read the whole thread , sorry.

No shit, Sherlock! 🙄

@Delatron

Yep I’m wondering if she maybe didn’t have a hotel booked. She rocked up at 5.30 with all her luggage so leaving at 10pm would have been plenty of time for a good evening. Midnight with an early flight and a kid seems insane.

I would always arrive with wine, flowers and be very aware of any hints dropped about leaving. I think she did it on purpose and just wanted to stay. Such a strange way to behave.

She was being entitled and thick skinned. Rude also for turning up so early without even an excuse for a host gift for "the little wife" who she pretty much excluded from conversation (your DH to blame there too) by talking business most of the night before finally leaving at midnight! Her poor child! I also think she'd not booked a hotel room - I'm just surprised your DH didn't cave in, as some MNers thought, and offer a bed for the night after all... lesson learned for next time though. 🌹

I've had guests (with kids in tow) overstay there welcome by hours and hours, and I can confirm it is bloody hard getting rid of people that have had way too much to drink, are feeling very comfortable and enjoying themselves. You could be stood there with a loudspeaker blaring and they would still ignore the hint.

It is basic etiquette to make someone feel welcome for as long as they are in your home, but you have to draw a line somewhere! A friend of mine used to go to bed, and very often the party would continue without her! Hope you are rested now op

*their

Well OP, you handled it well.
She's a CF.
Your DH hasn't covered himself with glory either, but at least it's done now.
Agree that there was no hotel, her plan A, - you'd cave and invite them to stay; Plan B - they spent the night in an airport lounge.
Not your problem now.
Put it behind you, and keep her at arm's length (which you say you're doing anyway).

I'm just the same as you - don't like overnight guests - even family - not because I'm not sociable, I just find I can't relax. We're all different.
The issue here, is your DH's determination to have her stay when he knows how you feel about people staying - you sound more than capable of addressing this.
Good luck.
S

OMG I'm so impressed with how assertive you all are. I'd just be furious but roll over and go with the flow, whilst dolling out v-signs behind DH's back and spitting in everyone's coffee!

@Bridgiepoo

OMG I'm so impressed with how assertive you all are. I'd just be furious but roll over and go with the flow, whilst dolling out v-signs behind DH's back and spitting in everyone's coffee!

It comes with practice @Bridgiepoo. It honestly gets easier the more you do it. Especially if you can get to the point where you can be assertive but not aggressive.

Putting up with stuff you don't want to the rest of your life must be much harder.. 🌹

It comes with age! Zero tolerance around here for BS now

I might flip my lid if I see the phrase 'global pandemic' once more. I'm aware of the current situation but do those really need to be repeated 3856 times?

Clearly it does need to be repeated if people aren't able to understand what they're being told or have just conveniently decided that rules don't apply to them.
Stupidity is a global pandemic too.

@Canyanot

I might flip my lid if I see the phrase 'global pandemic' once more. I'm aware of the current situation but do those really need to be repeated 3856 times?

Have you any idea how stupid americans are being about covid??