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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:
ThrawnCow · 16/08/2020 15:42

Yeah, 2 weeks ago.

BronwenFrideswide · 16/08/2020 15:48

I don't believe for one second that she had a hotel booked, she was angling for you to relent hence the overstaying her welcome and the convenient having luggage with her, your husband is daft to believe otherwise.

No-one would turn up at someone's house for dinner with their luggage in tow when they had booked a hotel for the night, they would go to the hotel first, check-in, dump luggage, freshen up and then go to their hosts, picking up a suitable gift for the host either beforehand or en route.

I suspect they either slept at the airport or got a very last minute booking at an airport hotel once they'd left yours.

I hope her behaviour has opened your dh's eyes to her true character OP.

Friendsoftheearth · 16/08/2020 15:55

They flew in from Ireland thaw so it would have been an hour before, not two weeks. They were connecting to a US flight from Heathrow.

You are not a free airport hotel op, and deserve better. You were perfectly hospitable organising dinner - shame the same can not said for her!

formyboys · 16/08/2020 17:12

Oh my god she sounds AWFUL! Poor you. I'd have told her to go at 11!!!

fedupwithcookingfromscratch · 16/08/2020 17:30

YANBU - it is a massive ask and if you just go through the motions and host to avoid a row you’ll be furious and have a crap time yourself. The day after a holiday all I want to do is lie around in my PJ’s! If a hotel is an option I would take it.

Oscarsdaddy · 16/08/2020 17:38

He certainly should have asked you first but it’s one night, a little inconvenient I know but no huge deal. There are bigger things to worry about, smile, be nice and Look forward to next weekend

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 17:44

@Oscarsdaddy

He certainly should have asked you first but it’s one night, a little inconvenient I know but no huge deal. There are bigger things to worry about, smile, be nice and Look forward to next weekend
RTFT. She broke quarantine conditions. He had her over anyhow. How fucking nice is that?
Mamadoll · 16/08/2020 17:48

@Oscarsdaddy Yeah, you're right, there are bigger things to worry about; such as the spread of a contagious virus from a traveller who doesn't appear to give a shit about rules, let alone about being a rude CF expecting free digs for the night. But no big deal OP, brace yourself and clear out that spare room because I need a night away. You can tell your OH if you want. Would you prefer to be thanked with wine or gin?

midlifeangst · 16/08/2020 17:50

If it’s a colleague from the US., Let’s assume that she is in a high position and your husband is hoping this will help him professionally.
It’s a load of washing and a bit of food, make him do it. Go to bed early as you have work tomorrow She should understand, if not don’t worry you won’t see her again .

Pandacub7 · 16/08/2020 17:52

That’s so cheeky of them to ask if they can stay overnight. I’d also be mad if my DP didn’t involve me in the decision.

I’d just go to a hotel straight after work without telling him. Wouldn’t respond to calls. I’m stubborn like that.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 17:56

@midlifeangst

If it’s a colleague from the US., Let’s assume that she is in a high position and your husband is hoping this will help him professionally. It’s a load of washing and a bit of food, make him do it. Go to bed early as you have work tomorrow She should understand, if not don’t worry you won’t see her again .
RTFT! She's already said the person is not senior to him, and it's far from 'a bit of food'. The women broke quarantine policy.
karalou2 · 16/08/2020 17:56

Maybe I'm over thinking this but just how friendly are they at work? She sounds pretty determined to be more than work colleagues to me. I always got on better with male colleagues but invite myself to stay with one? And a married one? For heaven's sake! ..... I'd suggest you don't leave your home but stay and make it absolutely clear to her that this is one very happy and together household and aren't you lucky to have such an amazing husband and how proud you are that he reaches out to lonely colleagues, even when you've just come back from a fabulous holiday yourselves! Lay it on as thick as you possibly can and when she's gone, tell him straight that if he ever does anything so hurtful and inconsiderate again, he'll be the one in the hotel room. And SMILE!!

Weallfloatdownhere · 16/08/2020 18:04

Can’t stop laughing at all the people piling in to tell the OP to just deal with it... the night in question was last night, why do you think your advice will be in any way helpful today? 😆😆😆

Arthersleep · 16/08/2020 18:06

They don't want to see you at all. They just want to use your free hotel services. She shouldn't have even asked. CF!

Lisa82sim · 16/08/2020 18:23

I'd say you're being unfriendly and hostile... You've just been on holiday and had plenty days off and time to lie in your bed every morning.
Maybe my opinion isn't the norm, my husband and I have a child and we live 400 miles away from our family so we often have our parents or siblings staying over or friends.

ThePawtriarchy · 16/08/2020 18:27

@MadamBatty

if she arrives with nothing when she was a guest in Ireland I’m sure she went down a storm. You’d be excused murder quicker than arriving at somebodies house with one hand longer than the other!

I’m sure your husband wanted to be kind but he was very unkind to you. He’d want to sort his priorities.

You have much more patience than me!

Wait, do you mean you should take a host gift in Ireland or should not?
InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 18:29

@Lisa82sim

I'd say you're being unfriendly and hostile... You've just been on holiday and had plenty days off and time to lie in your bed every morning. Maybe my opinion isn't the norm, my husband and I have a child and we live 400 miles away from our family so we often have our parents or siblings staying over or friends.
Cancel the cheque!

The woman BROKE QUARANTINE POLICY! No one seemed to check that.

And she's been and gone for dinner and was RUDE AF.

RTFT.

Friendsoftheearth · 16/08/2020 18:32

I'd say you're being unfriendly and hostile... You've just been on holiday and had plenty days off and time to lie in your bed every morning

Naughty Delatron for actually wanting a lie and god forbid to wash her holiday clothes when she could be scrapping and cleaning and serving people she doesn't even know from the US of A Grin

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 18:36

@Friendsoftheearth

I'd say you're being unfriendly and hostile... You've just been on holiday and had plenty days off and time to lie in your bed every morning

Naughty Delatron for actually wanting a lie and god forbid to wash her holiday clothes when she could be scrapping and cleaning and serving people she doesn't even know from the US of A Grin

And Friends, don't forget the passive aggressive smile Wink.
honeybee88 · 16/08/2020 18:40

Ok...hello...female work collegue with son? Stay overnight? 😂😂😂Is he looking for a divorce? How long have you been married? Why didnt he ask you first? A definite no -no..he should have asked if you agreed. Does he do this often? I would keave with the excuse that I have previous plans.....and stay with a friend. Or of course ahe might be lovely and you become friends......she might bring wine and order take away food......I dont know.....what he has done is wrong.

jessstan2 · 16/08/2020 18:41

Most clothes just go in the machine, I've often done a couple of loads whilst visitors are here. It's not like this was a formal visit in which the guests expect to be entertained somewhat, the woman and her son were just staying the night at op's en route to elsewhere so there was no need to seriously disrupt their time.

As for not bringing a gift, people often write a note of appreciation to send with something afterwards. I've done that and received the same on more than one occasion.

user1498158714 · 16/08/2020 18:44

Does DH realise that he is putting your family at risk? You may all end up having to isolate. You are being sensible. Book that hotel and make him pay!

User43210 · 16/08/2020 18:47

@Delatron I would not have kept my cool, she would have been feeling so awkward that she would have left at 10 latest!

Anyway just wanna say, check the bank account, I could totally imagine your husband paying for the "inconvenience" of the hotel since he likes to play the hero.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 18:51

@jessstan2

Most clothes just go in the machine, I've often done a couple of loads whilst visitors are here. It's not like this was a formal visit in which the guests expect to be entertained somewhat, the woman and her son were just staying the night at op's en route to elsewhere so there was no need to seriously disrupt their time.

As for not bringing a gift, people often write a note of appreciation to send with something afterwards. I've done that and received the same on more than one occasion.

Just breaking the quarantine policy/law and putting the entire family at risk of the virus or having to isolate later. No big deal. Just like a load of washing that the laundry fairies put in the machine, put in powder/liquid, make sure it's set at the right temperature, use power to run it, hang it out to dry and iron, fold and put it away.

Expecting dinner, that's not entertaining at all! The dinner fairies just magic it up and tidy it all away after.

ThrawnCow · 16/08/2020 18:55

These after the event comments are hilarious.