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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:
InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 11:40

@Delatron

I was wondering if it was an American thing the lack of hosting gift? Not bashing Americans! But trying to understand if in different cultures they do things differently.

Or she was just pissed off she wasn’t invited to stay.

No, it is not. My father is American. It's not acceptable to not bring something. She was rude AF, the asking to come over several times, the not bringing anything, the work talk (that was to exclude you, it's like speaking another language in a small group when you know one of the group doesn't speak it), the overstaying. She was asserting herself as top bitch, which she is especially for ignoring any policy or guidelines on top of all else.

Your h sounds like he was her dog, though. I'd be having words.

Friendsoftheearth · 16/08/2020 11:42

She sounds utterly dreadful. Hopefully your dh will find the backbone to say no in future that doesn't work for us.

Does he regularly have dinner with different women on work trips? Is it just the two of them? I find the whole set up really odd, the fact she is so familiar to him that she feels she is able to pitch up like that and expect to stay. Demand to stay twice in fact. I would go as far as to say, she is way too close to your dh to feel she can do that, like he owes her something, indeed his behaviour of doing everything possible to facilitate her indicates he agreed with her sentiment. There is a back story, and I necessarily mean an affair - it could be work related.

Brass neck, yes absolutely but why?

Afwan · 16/08/2020 12:03

Gosh what an awful woman, all of those behaviours are rude on their own but altogether must surely have highlighted to your DH how unacceptable her behaviour was? Hopefully she'll never darken your door again.

Married to an American and he wouldn't dream of turning up somewhere empty handed, neither would his family (I know you answered that one, but to add some more context that you were dealing with a CF situation)

Zucker · 16/08/2020 12:12

She just sounds like someone who does what she wants regardless of anyones feelings. For any avoidance of doubt the quarantine in Ireland is a solid 2 weeks also.

It's your husband I'd be throwing a serious side eye at though. WTF was he at?

Carlislemumof4 · 16/08/2020 12:18

Sounds like your DH did eventually drop hints to her about the time and didn't put you on the spot suggesting they stay?

I can imagine it would be difficult for you to be firm about ordering a taxi with her 12 year old visiting too. She wasn't thinking much about her DS when she left travelling to the hotel so late before an early flight was she, aside from everything else I'm WTF at that.

Hopefully her rudeness has helped your DH gain some perspective, easy to perhaps put her on a bit of a pedestal when theirs is a distance work relationship and every conversation super polite and friendly.

What a shame the end of your holiday, likely much looked forward to after lockdown, was marred by this.

backseatcookers · 16/08/2020 12:21

if she arrives with nothing when she was a guest in Ireland I’m sure she went down a storm. You’d be excused murder quicker than arriving at somebodies house with one hand longer than the other!

I thought this too! Very bold indeed, she'll have been the talk of the town this weekend!

R3ALLY · 16/08/2020 12:26

I would be fine with it any other year but tbh I think all guests should be avoided because of Covid unless it’s necessary and this doesn’t sound necessary . Especially overnight guests who have been travelling... it would be a no no for me . Any other year I’d do it , if you live near an airport it probably will happen a bit

TheMamaYo · 16/08/2020 12:28

Ok, I’m curious! Does your husband realize what a twat he’s been, or is it all still ‘poor him’ who are not allowed sleepovers with his classmates?

Original poster
Delatron · 16/08/2020 12:28

Yes I actually think he finally clocked her rudeness when he announced ‘oh we’ve run out of wine’. And still she didn’t budge.
He even used my ‘one last drink for the road’ phrase to highlight it was time for the evening to end. Yet still she stayed.

I think she was being deliberately obtuse and no I don’t want her to ever darken my door again. I’ve got a good case against her now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 16/08/2020 12:33

@TheMamaYo
Well yes we had a long chat about the ‘sleepovers’ and how it really wasn’t ‘poor him’. We are not students in our 20s crashing area each other’s houses. We have kids and busy lives. We are not a bloody b&b.

OP posts:
TheMamaYo · 16/08/2020 12:42

Hat off to how you handled it!

Coffeepot72 · 16/08/2020 12:52

Yes, well done OP ⭐️⭐️

Leeds2 · 16/08/2020 13:40

Did she bring her luggage with her? Just wondering if she hadn't actually checked into a hotel at all, and was still hoping to get you to ask her to stay the night. If she had checked in, seems like a complete waste of money given she didn't seem to want to return to it - not your problem though!

Original poster
Delatron · 16/08/2020 14:04

She did bring all her luggage but she came directly from family. DH Warned me she would turn up with all her luggage.

I think she stayed late as she hoped we’d just say ‘why not just stay!’ But we didn’t. Not sure how that would have worked with a hotel refund though.

OP posts:
InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 14:39

@Delatron

She did bring all her luggage but she came directly from family. DH Warned me she would turn up with all her luggage.

I think she stayed late as she hoped we’d just say ‘why not just stay!’ But we didn’t. Not sure how that would have worked with a hotel refund though.

What did her kid do the whole time? Poor kid. Mine would have been bored AF and asking if we could leave.
Original poster
Delatron · 16/08/2020 14:54

He was playing with my two to be fair but they are a few years younger. Unfair to keep them all up that late.

OP posts:
InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 15:01

@Delatron

He was playing with my two to be fair but they are a few years younger. Unfair to keep them all up that late.
It was unfair to have this woman and her son there at all given the fact it's against policy, guidelines, even the law, but that's by the by. Your h allowed it. Shocking. She has no respect for anything.
goingtotown · 16/08/2020 15:05

If she had an early flight like she said, she would only spend a couple of hours in the hotel. Maybe she dossed inside the airport, that’s why she was at yours until late.

Berthatydfil · 16/08/2020 15:13

Did she actually book a hotel though?

By being so thick skinned and ignoring your hints was she angling for you to say
“oh it’s getting so late for you to go to your hotel why not just stay here”? That being her plan all along.

Checking in so late and having a morning flight requiring an early checkout and the travel time to the airport, she can’t have had more than a couple of hours sleep. Bearing in mind her lack of some kind of gift for you hosting her might this suggest she is a bit tight and didn’t want to pay for just a couple of hours in a hotel room.

Once in the taxi she could easily have said to go straight to the airport - you would be nine the wiser.

StyleandBeautyfail · 16/08/2020 15:13

Surely if she dragged all her luggage with her she hadnt checked into a hotel?
You would check in, drop luggage then come over.

Berthatydfil · 16/08/2020 15:13

None the wiser

Shizzlestix · 16/08/2020 15:15

Crikey, sheer brass neck! That’s bonkers. No gift when you’re coming to dinner? I’d be swinging by the local shop for wine and chocolates, minimum, possibly also cake and flowers. (I’m a brilliant guest, if the host even looks at the clock, I make my move home)

Hopefully your dh has realised that being hospitable does not beat being kind and considerate to you!

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 15:15

Probably kept the kid up all night as too tight for a hotel.

Toilenstripes · 16/08/2020 15:24

I can’t help but wonder if she and your DH had a fling in the past and she came over to stalk him. Ignoring the social niceties of bringing a small gift and not leaving is extremely passive aggressive behaviour. And I’m assuming this woman knows better than to a. Invite herself for dinner, b. Arrive empty handed, and c. Outstay her welcome. This all reads as a dog shitting in the neighbours garden to demonstrate dominance.

Friendsoftheearth · 16/08/2020 15:27

She would have walked past duty free and have plenty of opportunity to buy something, there is message in the fact she choose not to.

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