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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 16/08/2020 00:06

How long has she known your H, OP?

QueenArseClangers · 16/08/2020 00:06

I do hope dickhead is now scrubbing everything they touched with bleach.

theprincessmittens · 16/08/2020 00:07

So she hadn't already booked them into a hotel before they came to dinner?

Original poster
Delatron · 16/08/2020 00:07

@PicsInRed about four or five years

OP posts:
BitchTitties · 16/08/2020 00:07

How very very strange.
She is incredibly rude. And your DH is a proper twat.

Original poster
Delatron · 16/08/2020 00:09

I’m just relieved they’ve gone. Will have major words with DH

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 16/08/2020 00:09

[quote Delatron]@PicsInRed about four or five years[/quote]
It's all very, very strange.
I would take a microscopic eye to everything after this, OP. All this has been VERY odd.

Pobblebonk · 16/08/2020 00:13

I don't get why your husband thinks it's such a crime not to like people staying overnight. There's no rule that you have to like it, or even that you have to do it. There must be plenty of things he doesn't like doing, notably pulling his weight with all the work that having people to stay unavoidably incurs.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 00:13

I'd leave him to clean it all up. Again, would he have behaved this way and gone as all out as he has with a male colleague or friend? Has he? Focus on how he behaved here, seeing as you say he's always left you to do all the donkey work of hosting, but this time he's cleaned, done the washing, done the shopping, set up lights and music, poured wine, cooked. Don't dare let him turn this back on you. Fuck that.

Kipperandarthur · 16/08/2020 00:13

She really does have brass neck. And to arrive without wine or chocolates is even more rude. She sounds like someone who doesn’t respect or understand boundaries which goes hand in hand with all the previous messages etc. Hope you don’t now have a row to end your exhausting evening. Well done for keeping it all together.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 00:17

@Kipperandarthur

She really does have brass neck. And to arrive without wine or chocolates is even more rude. She sounds like someone who doesn’t respect or understand boundaries which goes hand in hand with all the previous messages etc. Hope you don’t now have a row to end your exhausting evening. Well done for keeping it all together.
I'd say he trumps her in that respect.
Kipperandarthur · 16/08/2020 00:19

Yes you could be right InDeo

jessstan2 · 16/08/2020 00:23

It's a bit late to cancel it now. Your husband should have run it past you first, he was inconsiderate not to but they aren't staying for long.

Just carry on doing your usual stuff while they are staying with you. You'll be eating anyway so it won't hurt to feed an extra two and you can still have your lie in on Sunday. Ask them to get up and out quietly when they are leaving as it will be so early; if any help is needed then let the ol' man do it.

Make sure husband knows not to be so hospitable in future without asking you. However this will soon be over and may not be as bad as you anticipate. You might even enjoy it!

Good luck.

Alwaysinpain · 16/08/2020 00:26

@jessstan2

It's a bit late to cancel it now. Your husband should have run it past you first, he was inconsiderate not to but they aren't staying for long.

Just carry on doing your usual stuff while they are staying with you. You'll be eating anyway so it won't hurt to feed an extra two and you can still have your lie in on Sunday. Ask them to get up and out quietly when they are leaving as it will be so early; if any help is needed then let the ol' man do it.

Make sure husband knows not to be so hospitable in future without asking you. However this will soon be over and may not be as bad as you anticipate. You might even enjoy it!

Good luck.

RTFT! 🤦🏼‍♀️

They've been & gone!

Pobblebonk · 16/08/2020 00:30

@jessstan2

It's a bit late to cancel it now. Your husband should have run it past you first, he was inconsiderate not to but they aren't staying for long.

Just carry on doing your usual stuff while they are staying with you. You'll be eating anyway so it won't hurt to feed an extra two and you can still have your lie in on Sunday. Ask them to get up and out quietly when they are leaving as it will be so early; if any help is needed then let the ol' man do it.

Make sure husband knows not to be so hospitable in future without asking you. However this will soon be over and may not be as bad as you anticipate. You might even enjoy it!

Good luck.

Why would you even imagine OP is planning to cancel a Saturday night overnight stay at 23 minutes past midnight on Sunday morning?
Pobblebonk · 16/08/2020 00:31

I behaved but am pretty pissed they kept me and my kids up so late. She didn’t take any yawning hints or we’ve run out of wine hints.

You should have moved beyond hints to "Goodness me, is that how late it is, we mustn't keep you up, I'll order the taxi now".

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 16/08/2020 00:52

Your h is the one you should be pissed off with, although she's a total cow. He's the reason she over stayed and kept everyone up. Think back on his behaviour when he's had men stay, does he keep everyone up for htem, too, go all out, etc?

WindyRose · 16/08/2020 00:58

Oh OP so pleased you and DC's survived such a horrible situation brought on by a totally inconsiderate DH who should not have to be told to protect his DW and family during the ongoing pandemic, you should be his first consideration.

I still think he's into her or she's got something on him, he's behaving like a prepubescent schoolboy.

When the hits the fan today, why not show him this thread so he knows it's not just you and that the majority of posters think he's a twat (and that's putting it mildly). A decent DH would never treat you like this, you deserve much better. Flowers

Happy101 · 16/08/2020 01:03

Can't believe she turned up with 24 hours notice demanding dinner, kept you up all night and didn't even bring a bloody bottle of wine to say thanks. Cheek of her!

ItsLateHumpty · 16/08/2020 01:04

Well done OP. Hope you’re in bed soon and get a lovely long lie in.

Flowers as your ‘guest’ didn’t bother.

jessstan2 · 16/08/2020 01:15

@Delatron

Bloody hell. They’ve finally gone.

My thoughts: she was angling to stay and a bit pissed off not to be invited.
No hosting present; not even a bottle of wine.

I behaved but am pretty pissed they kept me and my kids up so late. She didn’t take any yawning hints or we’ve run out of wine hints.

So basically brass neck.

I'm glad it's all over. You could have said you were going to bed, it's not like you invited them for a dinner party, they were just crashing. They were lucky to be able to stay with you and I hope they appreciated it.

It sounds like you managed it all very well. Have a good Sunday lie in.

(I'm sorry I didn't read the entire thread before posting last time, I still haven't read it all but will try to now. - 19 pages!)

Timekeeper2 · 16/08/2020 01:16

I got so frustrated reading your posts. Sure they didn't stay over, but you still had them over for dinner. You needed to nip the WHOLE ENTIRE THING in the bud. If I were you I would have called her personally and said I am exhausted from our trip, this time is not a good time to see you, maybe next time. Call over. You STILL let them come for dinner. I was reading hoping you'd just grab the phone from him, dial her number, and tell her, in front of him, that you can't see them. But you didn't. And then you let them stay til near midnight! People like her (and your husband, I guess) don't take 'hints'. You need to say straight out that it's been (hell) a nice night but you are tired and you think it's time you booked their taxi. Straight talking is the only thing these people know. Yawning does stuff all (and she probably noticed but didn't care, people like her ignore weak attempts). If you let them (your husband, as well as her) walk all over you then they know they can get away with it and will not change. Softly, gently and meek approach gets your no where, time for you to make some changes in your marriage and in general regarding how you let people use you.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 16/08/2020 01:38

With my parents it was the other way round, my Mum was far more sociable than my Dad.
When my Dad decided it was too late, he'd mutter something about tidying up before bed and get out the vacuum cleaner & start hoovering.
And/or put on his pyjamas.

TitsOutForHarambe · 16/08/2020 01:47

My life got so much easier when I learned to decisively kick people out of my house. I just smile and say "folks, I'm really sorry but I'm knackered now/have X thing happening now so I'm afraid I'm going to have to kick you out. It's been lovely seeing you". I say it very nicely. It is honestly so much easier than you might think and doesn't come across as rude if you say it in the right way. This way everyone knows where they stand and people don't have to piss about dropping hints, trying to pick up on hints etc.

Hidingtonothing · 16/08/2020 02:17

Oh well at least you can use her lack of gift, boring work talk and inability to take the hint and leave before everyone's yawning as the reasons to say no next time OP Smile

I agree serious talks with DH are needed though, he needs to realise the message he's sending by putting random work colleagues before his DW. Don't let him get away with turning it back on you for being 'hostile' either, wanting some notice of (and a choice about!) overnight guests is perfectly reasonable so don't let him gaslight you that his way is the norm.