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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:
Friendsoftheearth · 15/08/2020 16:21

This is the second time during the trip she has invited herself over

What a red flag that is, why does she keep wanting to see your husband all of the time?
Is he wfh and therefore not in the office and with her?

She means enough to him to cause this much upset though, I would be concerned too. This is not normal.

Most people would not be inviting people from work to stay overnight full stop unless they were very very good friends. At most, we would maybe meet for the odd dinner if we happened to be in the same place.

She is going to extraordinary lengths to see him...

Kipperandarthur · 15/08/2020 16:29

Good luck getting through your evening. I would be seething. I just don’t want people staying at the moment... let alone random work colleagues. I do think it would have been better to have met somewhere else or for him to just have said sorry no we’ve just got back from holiday and have lots on.

Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 16:30

Argh I’m going to struggle to be polite. I’m still annoyed about the million of texts she used to send him at all hours.

Agree she seems very keen to see him. I
mean who invites themselves over twice?
I’ve not seen anything in DH behaviour towards her that makes me suspicious. He is wfh but she does live abroad so only sees her when he used to do work trips.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 15/08/2020 16:33

Not sure I'd be that bothered about being very polite tbh.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 15/08/2020 16:34

'Be kind'. I've only ever seen this exercised to beat women over head with into complying.

Friendsoftheearth · 15/08/2020 16:36

Op I am willing to bet she has a thing for your dh. A million texts at all hours of the night wtaf?? What was his explanation? Did you read the messages?

Did they stay in the same hotel on his work trips?

I wouldn't be polite, there is no way that woman would be stepping foot in my house.
Do not drink wine. Your job is to be observant if you go ahead with the dinner, and get her out of the door as quickly as possible.

I bet she turns up dressed to kill. What is she doing here anyway????

Seriously I am cross for you op!!! Angry

Friendsoftheearth · 15/08/2020 16:39

I am known for being easy going and relaxed, but it would be a cold day in hell before she came for dinner in my home.

Op, you are being way too nice.

neonjumper · 15/08/2020 16:39

Prepare yourself for some sudden announcement that she's not been able to get a hotel booking or some problem with and she WILL have to stay over after all.

You need to prepare for these unexpected glitches. Get yourself one step ahead and check out if there is a hotel availability nearby .

His desperation is palpable . His actions ( and hers) are enough to show something has/is going on .

ItsLateHumpty · 15/08/2020 16:42

Delatron I know it’s hard, and you’re already (justifiably) pissed off, but honestly maybe step away from this thread just for a bit, because it’s just winding you up and you’ll be agro from the get go.

You need a cool head, and either you’ll see something that gives you pause, or the meal will be at least pleasant, or you’ll not become a raving, incoherent puddle triggered by the merest hint of words beginning with s (for stay over). I know, I’ve been there opps Blush

Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 16:44

She’s visiting family here.

I did read the texts (I know that’s naughty but I was suspicious) they were all work related but sometimes talking about people at work. Her style is to write a few words, then a few more etc etc. Rather than type out a whole message so that is why there were lots. She was in a different time zone so not middle of the night but in to the evening. I did go mad and they stopped.

He doesn’t stay in a hotel with her as she lives out where he visits for work but they do meet for dinner. Obviously huge opportunity for an affair but I didn’t get that vibe from him when I saw them together and I can normally sense when he fancies someone.

Could well be coming from her.

OP posts:
SecretWitch · 15/08/2020 16:45

Good luck, op💐 It sounds like they are playing games with each other.

Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 16:45

True @ItsLateHumpty. I’m off to get ready and will clear my head. Thanks all.

OP posts:
ItsLateHumpty · 15/08/2020 16:50

Try not to kick anyone in the nuts OP 😂

Wine
simitra · 15/08/2020 16:54

My ex husband once invited his bitch of a mother to stay for a few days in our small flat in a similar way. I went to a hotel. Thats why he is now my ex husband.

StyleandBeautyfail · 15/08/2020 16:56

@Horehound

It doesn't matter if I'm in the minority really.. seems like there's a lot of selfish, unaccommodating people out there. Quite sad really.

As it's already been said, she didn't invite herself your husband offered. And it is only a question, it's hardly a big deal if she did ask.
I don't get what the problem is.

As I said, it's nice to be nice. I can't imagine being so hostile

Hostile 😂😂😂 Arriving back from holiday and wanting a day to get sorted and not to have house guests in the middle of a pandemic is not being hostile its bloody common sense !
Friendsoftheearth · 15/08/2020 16:59

Good luck Wine we are all rooting for you! Get the dinner out in record time and get shot asap -

You are a better woman than me for agreeing to this! It would be an awful shame if the souflle curdles somewhat, and the wine doesn't quite make it into her glass on occasion! Grin have fun and please update.

Friendsoftheearth · 15/08/2020 17:01

its nice to be nice

How on earth is it nice inviting yourself to stay over at someone's house that you barely know (twice!) in the middle of a pandemic???????? Genuinely style you can't see anything wrong with that?

Bluntness100 · 15/08/2020 17:07

Seems you’re pissed he’s ignoring your wishes but you’re more than happy to ride rough shod over his. Maybe what he wants does not count. Or your needs come first?

And now you’re building this into an issue with the woman herself? She didn’t invite herself over, she asked to meet for dinner, that’s very different.

I think you need to calm down and stop being egged on by people on here who likely find it deeply amusing how they are winding you up, for them it’s like interactive tv! Just how much can they get you to embarrass yourself. Don’t kid yourself they are all trying to help.

You’ve now been wound up so much this has turned into this woman repeatedly inviting herself over and basically behaving inappropriately to your husband, both of which are untrue.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 17:10

Seems you’re pissed he’s ignoring your wishes but you’re more than happy to ride rough shod over his. Maybe what he wants does not count. Or your needs come first?

Nothing to do with there being a pandemic on and it's not being legal to show up in the UK after less than 2 weeks self-isolation from the US and having swanned all over Ireland visiting randoms, of course Hmm. How very silly, to consider one's personal health and the health of one's children a need! Funny how's he's willing to run roughshod over government policy and guidelines regarding C19 but it's the OP who's 'pissed'.

SecretWitch · 15/08/2020 17:11

It’s nice to be nice is just a shitty way of saying women need to suck it up and shut up. Fuck that.

Friendsoftheearth · 15/08/2020 17:11

bluntness I don't think you have read the thread. She invited herself to stay twice, not once. It was not at the invitation of op's. Texting someone else's husband over and over again is also not acceptable to most people.

I really don't understand how any of this can be op's fault!

Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 17:12

Oh hi @Bluntness100 nice to see you back. Read my update. She asked to come over for dinner. That’s inviting yourself no?
Don’t worry I’ll be polite though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 17:12

I won’t behave inappropriately. She has repeatedly invited herself over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 17:15

And no his need to have a work colleague over to stay in this current climate does not trump my need to keep my family safe.

The only people winning me up in this thread are you @Bluntness100 and the hostile horse hound.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 17:16

Winding me up. Off now.

Thanks to everyone else who has been supportive and helpful.

OP posts: