Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

[Delatron]

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

I hate overnight guests too - thank god Travelodge has been invented!

@Delatron so are they staying or not?

Delatron, is the colleague senior to him?

Is the #1 reason you don't like overnight guests that you have to do all the cleaning, beds, food provision, clearing up and washing after? It is it just other people in the house?

He could, after all, get off his smug sanctimonious arse and be as generous with his housework efforts as he is with his offerings of hospitality to work colleagues.

I'd hate this. Thankfully my DH understands that I struggle with guests and would never go over my head like this.
I think him using that you dont like overnight guests against you is ridiculous "funny how you know it makes me uncomfortable but you still offered without asking me to have a practical stranger to me stay over with no notice!"

Honestly I would have lost patience with all this back and forth do you want/expect me to ring her and cancel crap hours ago, asked him for her number and done it myself.

He shouldn't be expecting you to justify why it is inappropriate for her and her son to come to your house for dinner and stay overnight, he should just accept you saying no. Equally, he should never have suggested it to her without discussing it with you first, and he should have shut her down when she asked the first time.

Maybe tell him to sort you out a hotel stay too, since he seems so keen on organising other people’s bookings.

And I hope he’s doing the laundry in between his hand wringing.

More for you.

Unbelievable OP,

He just sounds nastier with each post.

He really doesn't give a damn about you.

As someone once said "to find out what someone is really like, tell them NO."

How they react is hugely informative.

You certainly deserve better than this horrible man.

I think that's weird and my spidey senses would tingle regarding there being more than friendship there, or the hope of it, for at least one of them.

Honestly OP I don't know how you haven't spontaneously combusted at the sheer selfishness and stupidity of your DH's argument. He won't be happy/drop this until he's hammered you into submission and got what he wants, I have a similar situation going on so I fully sympathise.

Please don't give in, not even to them coming to dinner, insist on dinner out and a hotel and do not budge. It's your home as much as it is his and he shouldn't be putting you in situations you're not comfortable with, that trumps his desire to host every time in my book.

Tell him to fuck off, it's your house as much as his. I'd be livid and he'd be doing all the work and I'd be chilling somewhere else.
He's absolutely no respect for you or your feelings, what a complete tosser you landed.
glad he's yours

YANBU! But blame is all on your DH here.

I've just read some more, and of course he either fancies her or they are already at it.
There's no way you should go to a otel whilst his fancy bit and kid stay with him.
ffs get some dignity ank kick his sorry ass out.
She's a grown woman who should be making her own arrangements not relying on someone else's husband to do it.
Please stop being so green.

I think you need to sit in your hands for these guests. No cups of tea, even. Leave literally every tiny thing to DH including all the clearing away and washing afterwards. You'll only need to do it once. Don't hover, don't supervise, don't suggest or facilitate in any way, just be smily and chatty with your DH's guests and leave all the heavy lifting to him!

Thank you everyone. I’m back from work but he was at the supermarket when I got back. Clearly stocking up for dinner.

To answer some questions. My overnight guest dislike is a combination of both the fact that I end up doing most of the work and he does nothing nor has any appreciation of how hard the work is. Plus I sleep badly and listen for them waking so I can get up before them etc etc. I do love having people over for dinner so I’m not completely antisocial.

She was senior to him but they are at the same level now.

Have just spoken to him. They are not staying, he called her and told her it wasn’t a good idea in current climate and she was ‘very good about it’ 🙄.

He accepts he didn’t consider the risks when he invited them over to stay he just wanted to help and save £ on a hotel.

Apparently she did invite herself around for dinner though! The initial text was ‘it’s ok if this is too short notice but was wondering if we could pop over to yours tomorrow for dinner before flying back on Sunday’’
Then without thinking he said ‘why not stay as well’

He knows he should have asked first and says he won’t invite people to stay without consulting it just makes him sooo sad that we can only see local friends. This is rubbish as I will host many of his friends at least once a year. It’s like he basically wants us to run a b&b.

He has done holiday washing and cleaning and shopping and I won’t help with dinner.
He keeps insisting she wasn’t rude inviting herself round for dinner with a day’s notice but it’s not something I would ever do.

I’ve made it clear this is not a risk I want to take so we will be socially distancing and he will be cleaning thoroughly after. We have a downstairs loo and they can use that. I’ve made it clear how pissed off I am about the whole thing but as she’s due to arrive in a few hours I’m out of ideas now.

I’ll try and keep the visit short. He is still pulling the ‘poor her with all her luggage having to get a taxi to Heathrow hotel’ malarkey.

I swear if he turns around during the evening and says ‘why doesn’t she stay’ I will walk out. I don’t think he’d dare but we’ll see.

Do NOT walk out. Say 'NO. That's breaking the law.' AS it is I'd be showing her the door at dinner, she doesn't give a fuck about anyone's health. If she's out and about, she lied on the forms, too.

He's desperate to see her isn't he ?
He was banking on you and the child going to bed before them so they would have alone time.
There is a connection there of some sort that he wants to rekindle.
His desperation to be with her is clouding his judgement on how ridiculous he is being .
He is very angry with you because you are being an obstruction in him having intimate time with her.

I absolutely would not allow her in. It doesn't matter how he reacts to this ... he has already damaged your relationship and I doubt you will view him in the same way after this.

Him messaging her relentlessly a few years back should be enough for you to see he is not trustworthy.

I have a question, too. Would he have done all the washing, cleaning and shopping had this gal not been coming? If so, why not? That's a major question I'd be asking, tbh. Sounds like he goes over and above for everyone but you and your family.

I would be very very wary, why has he caused such a scene with you for someone he barely knows and should not care about?

Why the fuck is he still working on you to relent, going on about the luggage etc.

And why are YOU the one shopping for their food tonight????

I am sorry op but something is very amiss with all of this. The brazen cheek of it all is staggering. I am sure he is cleaning, he wants to impress her not you!

So what if he's done the washing and shopping etc .
We've just got back from holiday today . DH and I have both put the shopping away, put a wash on , emptied suitcases . We didn't wait for the other to do it , we just did it without any need for praise.
Why does he not go and meet her for dinner? Why is she still coming to your house? He's still not getting it.

I hate to ask but does he have any redeeming features?! Because from what you have said he has invited someone he knows you feel is too close to stay when he knows you don't like guests. I get the impression he does some of the inviting (generally) to annoy you then if you object it isn't because he's being unreasonable but because you're not "kind" (which is a word I'm hoping will soon be struck from the english language for the way it is used to manipulate people, especially females!)

It’s fair to say he doesn’t pull his weight but he also works long hours and I work part time. But he could and should do more.

I also think she knew when asking if she could come over for dinner that he would invite her to stay.

He does have some redeeming qualities but a major fault is inviting people over with no notice as he just loves to socialise.

I am worried and have made it clear I am not happy with how desperate he seems to want to see her. He says he just wants to be kind and help out and be hospitable. This is the second time during the trip she has invited herself over. We had a good excuse last time. I’m just going to try to get through this evening but I am concerned.

Completely agree about the kind word @Binglebong
It’s so offensive to say I am unkind for not wanting random guests in my house. Yet he is so kind for ignoring my wishes.

Big of her to be very good about it pity she couldn't extend that thinking to her rude request for dinner at yours and yes, it was rude of her to invite herself and her son round to yours for dinner, how can it not be? Words actually fail me at the bare faced cheek of it, your husband needs his head examining if he can't see how rude and inappropriate the request was and should have answered "Apart from everything else it is too short notice, we'll catch up another time." If she had invited you and your husband out to dinner at her hotel that would have made more sense and been polite.

I would struggle to be civil to her and be practically pushing her and her son out of the door once they'd finished eating! Good luck OP.