Page 11 | Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

Delatron · 2020-08-14T19:41:48+00:00

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in. I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’. Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends! So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

backseatcookers · 15/08/2020 11:06

@ItsLateHumpty

Fucking hell. She's clearly very important to him - important enough for him to override your wishes.

Or he’s just got a massive ego and doesn’t want to lose face.
He’d rather piss his wife off.
He’s white knighting.

Have a good day at work Delatron

Totally agree with this - he's keen to look like mr generous and such a nice guy by being so helpful. But not that bothered about being nice or helpful to the woman he's married to because that doesn't give him the ego stroke white knighting does!

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 11:14

@Delatron

He wants her in our local hotel just at the bottom of our road.

I smell a rat, too.

PanamaPattie · 15/08/2020 11:16

Stick to your guns.

billy1966 · 15/08/2020 11:21

The issue isn't whether hosting is work or not, the issue is not consulting his wife, and when he eventually does, becomes nasty when she tells him it doesn't suit her.

It never fails to astound me the sheer disrespect and dismissive treatment women are meted out on here, and accept.

Respectful partners don't invite people to stay or say yes to guests without checking with their partner.
It's really basic to check with each other.

OP doesn't like having guests because her husband is selfish and lazy and doesn't contribute.

He knows she doesn't like entertaining and he knows the reason why.

But he doesn't give a shit about her opinion and will get nasty if she doesn't give in.

I understand this may be par for the course in a lot of relationships but that doesn't make it healthy or right.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 11:29

I just booked a Travelodge in town centre in a major UK city for two for Thurs. night, £42 (I have some business there). He's having you on.

ZappBrannigan · 15/08/2020 11:33

🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is iffy.

DoorstoManual · 15/08/2020 11:40

There isn't a judge in the land would convict you.

Carlislemumof4 · 15/08/2020 12:21

Having read through the thread I'm wondering if he's at least been messaging her online more than you're aware of through lockdown. Emotional affair? Crush at least which would be hurtful and unacceptable for him to indulge.

I empathise with your feelings regarding overnight guests under normal circumstances. With Covid, I'm shocked your DH is being so cavalier about the risk to both your and your DCs health.

If he's finally managed to tell her it will need to be a hotel I'd make sure he's the one who goes for a meal with them there. No way should they be in your home at all. Hopefully no-one falls ill but with all the travelling they're doing you could end up having to isolate and miss work if you join their list of contacts and there's a confirmed case within the timeframe.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 12:29

He's going to try to spring her on you. I'd be fucking fizzing! He's supposedly sorting a hotel for her and you were the one up at 7am cleaning the self-catering cottage? She wouldn't be coming for dinner, either. Get over feeling bad. He's being a real twat about her. And this flurry of texts, sorry, but that's looking suspicious.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/08/2020 12:30

I'd be messaging her myself and meet him fury for fury on that one.

noses11 · 15/08/2020 12:55

Male or female guest, Covid 19 or not, even if you have never been on holiday, no work the following day even, just unreasonable. Holiday was probably planned weeks or months ago.

Even if there was nothing iffy at all.

Hardbackwriter · 15/08/2020 13:00

I don't think that he's having an affair with her; I do think that he a) offered, rather than her inviting herself and b) he did this ages ok and only told OP yesterday, which is why he's now in a really embarrassing situation of having to retract this offer at very, very short notice

mrpumblechook · 15/08/2020 13:03

@Hardbackwriter

I don't think that he's having an affair with her; I do think that he a) offered, rather than her inviting herself and b) he did this ages ok and only told OP yesterday, which is why he's now in a really embarrassing situation of having to retract this offer at very, very short notice

That's what I think. It is exactly the kind of thing DH would have done.

Coffeepot72 · 15/08/2020 13:12

Yep, my DH has form for this sort of thing too. I really don’t think this is an affair

Carlislemumof4 · 15/08/2020 13:19

@Hardbackwriter

I don't think that he's having an affair with her; I do think that he a) offered, rather than her inviting herself and b) he did this ages ok and only told OP yesterday, which is why he's now in a really embarrassing situation of having to retract this offer at very, very short notice

I was thinking along those lines until OP mentioned the previous excessive WhatsApp messaging between them she had to demand came to an end.

It's not that embarrassing to have to say 'When I offered to host you at home I wasn't considering the situation with Covid, my Wife has rightly pointed out both with your travels and having just returned from holiday ourselves hosting you and DS here isn't the best idea. The short notice is my fault, apologies. Local hotel has availability, I could help you arrange a booking and meet you for dinner. My Wife and DCs won't be joining us as they're all exhausted after just getting back from hols and Wife straight back to work, sure you understand'.

He doesn't work with her anymore, she lives on the other side of the Atlantic, if she's a bit pissed off why would he care...

LannieDuck · 15/08/2020 13:25

Why is he sorting out her hotel? Yesterday, she didn't have an offer to stay... so she would have been sorting it out for herself anyway.

mrpumblechook · 15/08/2020 13:29

It's not that embarrassing to have to say 'When I offered to host you at home I wasn't considering the situation with Covid, my Wife has rightly pointed out both with your travels and having just returned from holiday ourselves hosting you and DS here isn't the best idea. The short notice is my fault, apologies. Local hotel has availability, I could help you arrange a booking and meet you for dinner. My Wife and DCs won't be joining us as they're all exhausted after just getting back from hols and Wife straight back to work, sure you understand'.

It is embarrassing if he has told the colleague that his wife is happy about it. She may have no idea that this has been sprung on OP.

Original poster

Delatron · 15/08/2020 13:31

Well I called him at 11.30. He said ‘why are you cross, you’ve got what you want’ so I said
‘So you’ve texted to cancel’.
‘No’ he says ‘I’m just building up to make a very difficult phone call’

I’m so furious. He threw it back in my face ‘well you never like having overnight guests anyway’. And he was just doing something kind.

I asked wouldn’t she prefer to get a hotel right by the airport? But he thinks she won’t want to get a taxi with her 12 year old late at night. He’s basically trying to make me look ridiculous by making them stay in a hotel just down the road and he refuses to see her at the hotel. So current option is that I go to a hotel.

OP posts:

VillanellesOrangeCoat · 15/08/2020 13:34

It’s astoundingly simple. The pandemic is still on-going. This woman has been visiting family so presumably multiple households. She’s not in your bubble. They can’t stay or even visit for dinner. End of.
He’s going to get spare rooms ready while you’re at work & pull a fast one thinking you won’t say no when they’re already at your house.

HorsePellets · 15/08/2020 13:36

That is NOT the current option.

The current option is that you get her phone number, you call her and tell her, then pack a bag for him and sling him out for a night for being such an utter ARSEHOLE

VillanellesOrangeCoat · 15/08/2020 13:37

Just saw your update... Why the feck do you need to stay in a hotel?! Your house would still need to be cleaned because someone from outside your bubble will be staying there. He’s being a total twat now.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 13:40

@Delatron

Well I called him at 11.30. He said ‘why are you cross, you’ve got what you want’ so I said ‘So you’ve texted to cancel’. ‘No’ he says ‘I’m just building up to make a very difficult phone call’

I’m so furious. He threw it back in my face ‘well you never like having overnight guests anyway’. And he was just doing something kind.

I asked wouldn’t she prefer to get a hotel right by the airport? But he thinks she won’t want to get a taxi with her 12 year old late at night. He’s basically trying to make me look ridiculous by making them stay in a hotel just down the road and he refuses to see her at the hotel. So current option is that I go to a hotel.

You respond, 'They are breaking the law (because they are by coming here from the US not having quarantined for 2 weeks upon arrival) and lying on the forms if they get through otherwise. I will NOT risk my family's health for this. YOU are putting them above the health of your family so I don't really care that you think I'm being unkind. She is NOT to come in, not for dinner or at all because it's against actual policy. She does not get to come into our home because it's against the rules.'

He's a total fuckwit. The FUCK I'd let them in my house.

Carlislemumof4 · 15/08/2020 13:41

@mrpumblechook

It's not that embarrassing to have to say 'When I offered to host you at home I wasn't considering the situation with Covid, my Wife has rightly pointed out both with your travels and having just returned from holiday ourselves hosting you and DS here isn't the best idea. The short notice is my fault, apologies. Local hotel has availability, I could help you arrange a booking and meet you for dinner. My Wife and DCs won't be joining us as they're all exhausted after just getting back from hols and Wife straight back to work, sure you understand'.

It is embarrassing if he has told the colleague that his wife is happy about it. She may have no idea that this has been sprung on OP.

Everyone's having to change plans at the last minute at the moment though, for many reasons this shouldn't be the huge deal the DH is making this in to.

OP as I'm sure you're aware, one of the main causes of Covid spread is said to be households mixing within each other's homes. Your DH hosting them at yours, even if you go to a hotel, is far more of a risk than if your DH goes for a quick socially distanced meal with them himself in a hotel.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 13:41

@VillanellesOrangeCoat

It’s astoundingly simple. The pandemic is still on-going. This woman has been visiting family so presumably multiple households. She’s not in your bubble. They can’t stay or even visit for dinner. End of. He’s going to get spare rooms ready while you’re at work & pull a fast one thinking you won’t say no when they’re already at your house.

Yep! That's what he's going to do. The fuck I'd let them in my house to expose my family. He'd be out the door with them. Fuck 'it's his house, too,' what they're doing is illegal.

Iknowthingsthatwillhappen · 15/08/2020 13:42

I would text him back and say "are you having an affair with her?" (not suggesting that he is, OP, but it might make him think a bit!!!