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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:
Sparticuscaticus · 15/08/2020 09:14

Say no to dinner at yours. That's breaking Covid rules too. Still puts you at risk. They've been travelling round staying with multiple different friends too?

Bloody hell, I'd just text her myself.
"There's been a misunderstanding, DH is happy to meet you for dinner out near your hotel. We are unable to host you for dinner nor a visit to our home."

Just keep replying "yes"when he asks if he should cancel
And if he starts complaining my reply would be "No it's because I'm not an idiot. Stop badgering. Both behaviours - stupidity and whining- are unattractive "

Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 09:15

I’ve told him to go have dinner with her in her hotel.
Surely that would be preferable for the affair!

But I will obviously keep an eye on it. I didn’t get any feelings when I met her or saw them together that anything was going on. Plus she lives in a different country.

OP posts:
Nquartz · 15/08/2020 09:15

Has he texted her yet?! I actually can't believe he's dismissing you so much Sad

Motoko · 15/08/2020 09:16

Get him to text her to cancel, now, in front of you,so you can see that he's done it.

Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 09:19

Just asked. He says he’s trying to sort out a hotel for her before he texts 🙄. What a hero. No doubt they’ll all be full...

OP posts:
Namechange2020onceagain · 15/08/2020 09:21

FFS why has he not cancelled? Is he just stubborn. It is not up to him to book her a hotel. I would be really losing my shit with him right now. Tell him to book a room for himself while he is at it!

Namechange2020onceagain · 15/08/2020 09:23

I just looked on booking.com over 1600 rooms available for tonight near Heathrow.

Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 09:25

I’ve got to go to work.

He doesn’t know what to say so he’s trying to get her a hotel. I’ll catch up with him when I’ve finished work but I have a feeling I may need to stay out somewhere. I’ve told him three times this morning to cancel her.

I’m so furious that even if they come round for dinner I’m going to struggle to be civil to him. I’ll be nice to her obviously.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 15/08/2020 09:25

He wants her in our local hotel just at the bottom of our road.

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 15/08/2020 09:28

Fucking hell. She's clearly very important to him - important enough for him to override your wishes.

And why is the mountain of washing soley your job?

DameHannahRelf · 15/08/2020 09:30

What were they planning to do if your dh said no? I wouldn't be happy with this either.

WindyRose · 15/08/2020 09:38

Just found this thread and my initial thought was affair and that was before reading all the replies.

He cares more about OW than he cares about you, not to mention the rest of your family in relation to CoVid.

My DH would 'never' invite someone under any circumstances without running it by me first and specially under pandemic times and just arriving home from holidays yourselves.

Let him go visit her in her hotel room but pack his bag and leave on the doorstep to find when he returns.

Sorry OP, hate saying this but I smell a rat.

MrsAmaretto · 15/08/2020 09:40

Is he planning to pay for her hotel too?

ItsLateHumpty · 15/08/2020 09:42

Fucking hell. She's clearly very important to him - important enough for him to override your wishes.

Or he’s just got a massive ego and doesn’t want to lose face.
He’d rather piss his wife off.
He’s white knighting.

Have a good day at work Delatron

mrpumblechook · 15/08/2020 09:43

@WindyRose

Just found this thread and my initial thought was affair and that was before reading all the replies.

He cares more about OW than he cares about you, not to mention the rest of your family in relation to CoVid.

My DH would 'never' invite someone under any circumstances without running it by me first and specially under pandemic times and just arriving home from holidays yourselves.

Let him go visit her in her hotel room but pack his bag and leave on the doorstep to find when he returns.

Sorry OP, hate saying this but I smell a rat.

Seriously?! Could the "rat" just not be the fact that he probably agreed to this weeks ago, didn't think it through or the date clash, pretty much forgot about it because he takes his wife for granted and now is stuck between a furious wife or potentially being very embarrassed at work.
Tistheseason17 · 15/08/2020 09:46

No to dinner at your house - still not your bubble.
They will use this excuse and say that if they're having dinner at your place they might as well stay over- and they would be right as you've already accepted the risk.

He is treating you with so little respect compared to this OW- why?

billy1966 · 15/08/2020 09:47

Good for you standing your ground.

Is he as disrespectful, dismissive and selfish as he sounds?

Because he doesn't sound nice at all.

Loads of people think hosting visitors is a lot of work, hell hosting dinner can be a lot of work.

I can well imagine you aren't up for this, particularly as it sounds as if you carried the load on holiday.

Have you one child?

I hope your contraception is sorted.

He doesn't sound great at all.

Don't doubt yourself in this.Flowers

AfterSchoolWorry · 15/08/2020 10:10

@Horehound

It doesn't matter if I'm in the minority really.. seems like there's a lot of selfish, unaccommodating people out there. Quite sad really.

As it's already been said, she didn't invite herself your husband offered. And it is only a question, it's hardly a big deal if she did ask.
I don't get what the problem is.

As I said, it's nice to be nice. I can't imagine being so hostile

Inviting herself is freeloading and allowing it is weak.

Freeloaders always play the rude card.

I wouldn't hesitate to take myself off to a hotel in these circumstances. I couldn't givea shite of a user thought I was rude!

AfterSchoolWorry · 15/08/2020 10:11

*if

Sparticuscaticus · 15/08/2020 10:12

@Delatron

Just asked. He says he’s trying to sort out a hotel for her before he texts 🙄. What a hero. No doubt they’ll all be full...
It's not his responsibility to get her a hotel. He's ridiculous She's a grown adult who only asked him yesterday if she could stay, she was perfectly capable of getting a hotel herself yesterday She's a CF assuming she could stay with you during a pandemic

Your DH is making this hard work. I'd send the text myself and be done with it

Toddlerteaplease · 15/08/2020 10:13

Seriously? It's only one night and it's a kind offer.

maddy68 · 15/08/2020 10:14

I honestly wouldn't get worked up over that. They're coming for dinner and going to bed. Bit really a big deal is it ? Hub can make the beds.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 15/08/2020 10:29

Op call thr Hotel yourself and ask availability then he can't say there was none if there was!

burnoutbabe · 15/08/2020 10:52

Really it's like people aren't aware we are supposed to social distance and not share houses with people we don't know.
Is hubs going to also wash sheets before and after?
Throughly clean the bathroom before and during the visit? (Assuming you have to share)
This is stuff you may do to be able to see your parents you've not seen for months but not some work colleague!

Coffeepot72 · 15/08/2020 10:52

Seriously? It's only one night

In which case they will be fine in a hotel